ZOV.pdf Machine Translation to English

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ZOV

56

It's been a month and a half since I returned from the war in Ukraine, yes, yes, I know that you can not say this word "war", it was banned, but still I will say "war", understand correctly, I am already 33 years old and all my life I have been telling only the truth, even if to my own detriment, this is "not right" and I can not do anything about it. So this is a war, our Russian army shoots at the Ukrainian army, and it shoots back, shells and missiles explode there, have you ever heard the sound of a shell approaching you? If not, then it's a pity, this is an unforgettable feeling from the vibration and whistle of air when all the insides are turned over, just breathtaking, then if you are lucky, you hear the explosion and think that this is exactly your day, of course, if you understand that nothing was torn off by the blast wave and your body did not accept any fragment, but if not, then the day did not set and this time you were not lucky,  in short, the work is still...

At the same time, the military on both sides are dying, as well as civilians who were lucky enough to live where they decided to start a war, calling it a special operation.

Oh, yes, you still need not to forget about the hunger, diseases, sleepless nights, unsanitary conditions and life with constantly sky-high adrenaline that consumes the resources of your body giving strength, speed and reaction, but then when you return from the war zone, you feel like a survived lemon and understand that your health is not at all the same.

There is also the morally painful pressure of your conscience on the heart and soul, if they are of course, because you do not freely ask yourself why you are doing this and for the benefit of what. Why do you risk your life and leave your health.Why do you pollute your and so possibly not the most cloudless

Karma.

Now I will tell you how I had to see this war and how I got to it in the first place. I am aware of the responsibility for disseminating information about my service, but to hide it, for me, means to continue to increase losses.

From the front near Nikolayevsk I was evacuated as keratoconjunctivitis of the eye began, after another shelling on us, the ground flew into my trench and got into my eyes, there is little pleasant, but there is no bullshit, lucky, my eyes began to become inflamed and one of them began to close, a few days later the paramedic said that I should be evacuated because without treatment you can stay without an eye,  I was taken to Med Detachment in occupied Kherson, from where I was evacuated to Sevastopol.

The feeling you get when you leave a war zone is not descriptible...

Two months of filth, hunger, cold, sweat and the feeling of being near death. It is a pity that they do not allow reporters to visit us on the front line, which is why the whole country cannot admire the paratroopers overgrown, not washed, dirty, thin and embittered it is not clear what more, the stubborn Ukrainians who do not want to be denazified, or their incompetent command, unable to equip them even during hostilities.  or its own was worn out, and our great country is not able to clothe, equip and feed its own army. For example, from the very beginning I did not have a Ratnik kit and crossed the border even without having a sleeping bag.A week later the guys fitted the old one, not the commanders gave out please notice, with a broken lock, to say that I was happy not to say anything to him. Sleeping on the ground in a ragged sleeping bag in the winter, on the frontline, and in Ukraine and in March there were frosts, this is another trip. In short, somewhere in the middle of March, my legs and back began to hurt, I thought for a long time that these were muscles or ligaments and stupidly endured limping and attributing everything to the fact that we almost did not remove the armor and helmets, but later I learned that from sleeping on frozen ground, lack of water and food in conjunction with loads, I earned osteochondrosis of all

spine, protrusion, hernia in the neck, sequestered hernia in the lower back and incomprehensible pain in the joints of the legs.

So about evacuation, and then bang, and you are taken out of there and you feel at the same time joy from leaving this ass and a feeling of annoyance, from the fact that your comrades stay there and you do not know what will happen to them further, the feeling of happiness for yourself is mixed with a sense of guilt in front of colleagues who are there, and you leave them.

We were driving in a PAZik, the driver, and in the cabin there are 20 wounded, dirty, exhausted, the uniform is in the blood, on the faces of those who were seriously wounded there was pain and melancholy, those who are easy to rejoice that they finally leave there, because I was not injured, at the evacuation I was held as a patient, so I sat on the step in front of the exit door (there were not enough seats for everyone) and many there were less lucky than me,  It was necessary to go for five or six hours, I do not remember exactly, it was at this moment that I finally relaxed and thought about the last two months of my life, what it was, why I needed it, whether I did something good or vice versa bad, why I participated in it and how I got there in general. At that moment and to this day, the inner dialogue of a cocktail of conscience, patriotism and common sense does not stop inside me. If you turn to the templates, the answer will be that I am a military, a paratrooper, I am obliged to follow orders and I do not have the right to go to war when it began, I am obliged to serve for the benefit of my country and protect the people of Russia, but immediately common sense begins to contradict and ask questions.

"And how did Ukraine threaten Russia?"

Everyone around them says that Ukraine wanted to join NATO. But are we attacking all the countries that want nato?

Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland are already in NATO. Finland is now joining NATO. Turkey recently shot down our plane, but we quickly forgot it, Japan claims our islands.

Hell, the U.S. borders us in the East, but for some reason none of this is a reason to start a war.

Aren't we attacking them, or is it just for now? It turns out that this is not the reason.

"If it were not for us to attack Ukraine, then it would have attacked us?" Many echo the TV that we launched a preemptive strike, but how can you believe that Ukraine would have attacked Russia, the Crimea, if the Armed Forces of Ukraine could not even hold their borders, they are waging a war in defense bearing huge losses, everyone knows that the war in defense is easier,  than conducting attack actions. And wouldn't it be easier for our army to strengthen the borders and defense around Ukraine and, in the event of their attack, meet the enemy in defense, break their offensive potential and go on the counterattack, because in this case our losses would be much less,  and the world community would not be able to accuse Russia of an aggressor and glorify our country as an occupier and invader. It turns out that Ukraine was going to attack Russia is also not true?

"Ukraine was enslaved by Nazism and they infringe on the Russian population?"

But no matter how strange it is to communicate with people who were in Ukraine before the war, no one could remember a specific case that someone somehow infringed or offended him for the fact that he has a Russian surname or does not know how to speak Ukrainian.

"We attacked to save the DPR and LPR"

What are the DPR and LPR? After all, in fact and legally, these are two regions that were part of Ukraine, which rebelled and decided to become independent. Isn't it the same if Karelia wanted to go to Finland, the Smolensk region to Lithuania, Rostov to Ukraine, Yakutia to the United States or Khabarovsk to China, isn't that the same thing? Why are we defending the LDNR?

Have ordinary people in Donbas gotten better about this? After all, in the Russian Federation we

this would not be tolerated, just as Chechnya was once denied independence, paying thousands of lives for it. Why did we do the same thing to our neighbors? But at the same time, the top of the LPR and the DPR, despite the support of the Russian government, could not provide their people with social security and give them security because of which people fled en masse to Russia, Crimea and Ukraine. Communicating with people who fled the war in Donetsk and Lugansk, I did not hear any cases of Nazism that are shouted about from our media. But everyone as one told that they fled the war and that they just wanted to live peacefully and work. If we tried to help the people of Donetsk and Lugansk in every possible way, then why did we not limit ourselves to providing everyone with Russian passports, we have a lot of empty land that the hand of a person did not touch, please, let them come, live and work with us, why do we also need territories in fact a foreign state? What for? Do we have little land? Have all those who wanted to live in Russia have not yet received Russian passports and moved to us?

At first, they decided to motivate us with money and on February 23, our commander announced that we would receive $ 69 per day, which at that rate was about 7000₽, (although here we were abandoned and in the end we received 3500₽ per day) from the very first day when we realized that this was not the Crimean operation "Polite People" and not the exercises,  and a full-fledged war began and crossing the border of Ukraine under the volleys of MLRS missiles accompanied by combat helicopters and aircraft, even then they began to say that such work is not worth any money. But we are defenders of the fatherland, paratroopers, pride of the fatherland and money are not the main thing and if you have to get the order "Forward!" for the War, then probably something serious has happened, maybe the Armed Forces of Ukraine are already capturing Rostov or the Americans landed on Kamchatka! Without laughing, I seriously, at first assumed the idea that something like this had happened, since we went to break through the border of Ukraine and received an order to capture Kherson, I did not see another logical explanation.

Oh, sorry, I didn't introduce myself...

2 DSB, 56 DSP,7 DTD.

Yes, yes, it is the 56th DShB that our Defense Ministry S.K. Shoigu decided to disband right on the eve of this war. Probably in order to equalize the chances of Ukraine against Russia, last year the Brigade was disbanded, a manned, well-coordinated and equipped Brigade of 3,000 paratroopers, consisting of three assault battalions, a parachute landing battalion, a reconnaissance battalion, a tank battalion, which has its own artillery and air defense, is disbanded, there were almost no vacancies in the brigade, the brigade of which was created for 20 years in Kamyshin! They are disbanding the fate of families and scattering them all over Russia.

From the brigade they create a regiment, well, as a regiment, from the regiment one name, leaving only one parachute battalion as usual and transferring it to the Crimea in the city of Feodosia, combining it with the already separate 171 assault battalions already located there, and from these two battalions they form a "regiment", a regiment consisting of a parachute landing battalion, an airborne assault battalion and a reconnaissance company (the number of which is equal to a platoon). Nor was the airborne assault battalion fully manned. Moreover, our great reformers decided to create, as we were told, the Night-Experimental-Airborne Assault Battalion by putting the entire battalion on ordinary UAZiks, not armored! So that's how my 2DShB was sent to the war, I forgot to mention that the battalion consists of three companies, my Company went to war consisting of about 45 people, and the other two 60 people and that airborne assault battalion consisting of 165 stormtroopers, brilliant, well, in principle, that it is me, on the reports everything looks better, because the battalion is about 500 people,  it was also on the reports that the number of troops around Ukraine was about 200 thousand.

In my opinion, given the corruption and the system of photo reports that is now so proliferated in the army, when the command hides problems, about 100,000 Russian servicemen crossed the border of Ukraine on the first day and this is against 200

thousands of servicemen of the Armed Forces of Ukraine. Thanks to endless ridiculous experiments and lack of common sense, the army has finally ceased to be an attractive and promising place for the "best youth", a situation where there was a shortage in military universities, and contract service (to which we have been going since 2003) has finally become a place where people from lower social circles gather (to which, unfortunately, I also belong), because the less educated and savvy you are by law,  the easier it is to manipulate you. In addition to all this, the institute of military service was destroyed, turning it into a mixture of a kindergarten with a colony of settlement, when conscripts, having rewinded their term, leave for a civilian woman absolutely without learning anything, then telling their friends about it and anyone who had the opportunity to simply avoid such a useless waste of their lives. But once it was conscript soldiers who successfully fought in Afghanistan and Chechnya, successfully in terms of the fact that they fulfilled the tasks assigned to them and did not suffer such losses as the current "professional army of the Russian Federation" has already suffered in Ukraine.

Yes, I forgot to tell you that I have been in 56 DShB since 1993 and I have been observing its collapse for 30 years.

I remember 1999, the beginning of the war in Chechnya, when as a teenager I accompanied my father there for the war. At about three o'clock in the morning, the 1DShB lined up on the parade ground near the headquarters and the regimental commander brought to the battalion a combat order that it was necessary to make a march-throw, that it was necessary to enter into battle with the bandit formations of the self-proclaimed Ichkeria (nothing reminds?  then it is necessary to get out of order, that the reasons may be different one in the family, religious or sick mother, but then no one was out of order, not one, although in addition to officers, the battalion (it is about 500 people), consisted of conscript soldiers aged mainly from 18 to 20 years. It was a qualitatively and fundamentally different army. This is the army that the

1999. Yes, it was not perfect, it needed order and reforms, but the army of that time was head and shoulders above the one that

"reformed" in the last 23 years.

As for the current one, a huge number of contractors refused to go to war with Ukraine.

Which also played a role in the failure of the "special operation".

I remember that all two months that I was on the front line, we hoped every day that we would be replaced and allowed to move to the second line to rest, wash, wash, but this never happened, because as it turned out there was no one to change to ...

First, I was taken to the city of Sevastopol, to the hospital.

The Orion, our groove I mentioned above, arrived there at first o'clock in the morning... Before that, there was a stop somewhere in Krasny Perekop, where a medical tent camp was established on the territory of the civil hospital, where we were met by a medical detachment from Buinaksk, mainly consisting of Dagestani women who met us with warmth.

We unloaded like wild people from the groove, we were immediately surrounded by military doctors from Buinaksk, we were wild because there was no shooting around, silence and people are different, there was a sense of calm and security, this is an indescribable feeling. Doctors began to quickly find out who needed a dressing, painkiller or other help while escorting me to a cozy tent where a dining room was organized, very bright and cozy, at that moment it seemed to me a corner of paradise ...

There we were very tasty fed soup of stew and barley, it was impossibly tasty at that time. There was a sense of care and compassion from these women, it was a very strange and already forgotten feeling. A very strange feeling due to the fact that up to this moment it seemed to us that something was happening everywhere, everyone tightened their belts everywhere, like "everything for the front, everything for victory", but then it became finally clear that everywhere there is an ordinary life, people work, relax, hang out in clubs, and the Internet was not blocked. Do not be surprised, for the first two months we had almost no communication with the outside world and we lived in our own world, in

war, where, in addition to non-human conditions, there is not enough food, water, sleep, warm clothes and normal human life, we experienced information hunger when you feed on rumors, from a driver who went to the rear for dry rations and there heard that the Internet was blocked, planes do not fly over the Crimea, the price of sugar jumped tenfold, and the dollar exceeded 120,  being in isolation of hostilities, you can not evaluate the picture objectively and begin to think for yourself. It was because of this that I began to interrogate these women about what was happening in the world and what was being written in the news.

I remember that they seemed upset to me, but they tried not to show the view, perhaps due to the fact that several such buses pass through them a day because of a ribbon like ours and they understand that the special operation is not going according to plan, (or did someone have such a plan?), perhaps due to the fact that they themselves do not understand why all this is. I remember one of them who began to tell upset by high prices, but at the same time happy that "celebrities and traitors are falling out of the country", while for some reason she happily said that Sobchak was arrested, which I was surprised by then (still a former presidential candidate), but then it turned out that this was not so,  as well as many other rumors.

After a half-hour stop there, when we were fed and bandaged and anesthetized the wounded. We were taken further to Sevastopol, as I said above, to the Orion Hospital, arriving there at the first hour of the night, we wandered for another half an hour and screamed in the courtyard, because no one met us stupidly. The guys who were already lying there came out, mostly our colleagues from the Airborne Forces, from the 11th DShBR, as we called them "Combat Buryats", who were on the front line with us from the first days, they warmly received us, helped us to unload and pounced with questions as successes on the front line, there was not much success there, we still stood on the line of demarcation of Kherson and Mykolaiv regions,  the artillery of the Armed Forces of Ukraine shelled our positions, ours pounded on them, and we waited between them for reinforcements for a further offensive.

Half an hour later, a woman dressed in a mixture of military and medical clothes came out, took us to the reception room and began to be registered and dressed in pajamas and gowns, all the wounded were immediately sent for operations.  everything hurt wildly, I couldn't explain exactly, my back and legs hurt, in addition to eye problems.

When finally issued, they escorted me to the ward where the nurse gave me some kind of medicine and a pill saying "to sleep better." I was very surprised that the hospital was very modern and new, the wards were 2 local, the room had a shower, toilet, air conditioning and there was a second exit to the street directly from the ward.It was fresh, quiet and cozy, after the trenches it seemed to me that it was better there than in hotels like Radisson or Hilton. In the war I dreamed of a shower, but at that moment despite the fact that my hands were black from the ingrained dirt,  I did not find the strength to shower, I just lay down on the bed and fell asleep all this time in one position, such bliss from the possibility of sleeping on a bed with clean linen, in safety and silence will not understand a person who did not sleep on the bare ground in the cold and shoes with a feeling of constant danger. While I was sleeping in my room put my fellow soldier, we arrived together on that PAZik, he had a torn eardrum in one ear, he heard only with one ear. That's how we were put together blind and deaf. I do not remember how much I slept, in the morning the nurse came to take blood from a vein, and I could only open my eyes and remember that I could not wake up, my eyes closed themselves and fell asleep back, but somewhere in the afternoon I was awakened and taken to another old building to the oculist. The optometrist was somewhere on the sixth floor and it was very difficult to climb there, the pain in the body gave off with each step, and adrenaline to help, no longer stood out, so the chubby elderly nurse who saw me off, climbed there faster than me. The optometrist examined me, the equipment there was not bad as it seemed to me, the doctor said "normal such terry keratitis in both eyes with astigmatism", also said

that my vision in both eyes is -5.5 and began to write a conclusion for a long time, at the same time calling and negotiating with the ophthalmology department to transfer me there. As I later learned in this exemplary hospital, people are not kept pushing for a long time in other cities, hospitals and sanatoriums. After that, I was escorted back to the ward where I finally went to the shower, washed for at least 30 minutes wiping the ingrained dirt under hot water. Then there was lunch, they cook very well there, literally at home. Then he lay down again and cut himself off. By the evening, the doctor began to wake me up and tell me to change my clothes, I was taken to another hospital, I do not know why but it was very difficult to wake up, not clumsily changing into my uniform, while discussing future treatment with a friend in the ward, literally five minutes later she ran again and became irritated indignant and declaring "that you are digging", and I noticed that she was called a major,  Military doctors have their own structure and are engaged in treatment in hospitals, but in fact they have military ranks often quite high and according to military regulations they are senior in rank, from which they often behave very arrogantly towards ordinary contractors.

From such military "doctors" you often hear such a tone that our direct commanders in the Airborne Forces do not allow themselves.

Any self-respecting adult man would be humiliated when you are talked to in this way, and reading in her eyes that she believes that she has some superiority over me due to the fact that she is a major, I finally began to infuriate her tone. That is, you participate in hostilities, risk your life, leave your health, while this madam here further builds up fat folds, and she yells at you and tries to try to get you.

"build" because she's a major, and you're a simple contractor and even a vidoc you have now so-so - thin, overgrown, dressed in non-pont hospital pajamas, and you get out of bed like an old grandfather because your whole body hurts.

Such behavior in the medical military services is everywhere, and I myself have encountered and heard from others, some Therapist or Surgeon from the medical service who has the rank of captain or major, but at the same time has not served a day in the real army, tries not to treat you (his direct duty), but to build.  and for the whole day none of the doctors came to you and asked how you feel, so even at night looking he declares and yells irritably that you are slowly gathering. I don't think my eyes were a lot crazy then, but all I could get out of myself was that.

"You don't have to yell at me!" and continued to tie the laces on her thighs, at the same speed as before, but not to specifically her off, but because he couldn't do it any faster. Madame Major was outraged by this, it was clear from her that she was used to commanding and building those who came to her for "treatment" and she screamed "how do you talk to me!"

I got up and moved away from her, moved away and also replied to her raising her voice "get away from me, call the military police, but don't yell at me." Outraged by the fact that she did not receive a portion of self-satisfaction, from the fact that she dominated someone, Madame Major came out of the room scaring me with the military police, although she had no legal grounds for this. After a couple of minutes, tying my shoelaces and saying goodbye to my deaf comrade in the ward, I came out with a large garbage bag on my shoulder, (I did not have a backpack) where my mask and sneakers were (a gift from the Stavropol special forces).Going out into the yard I saw that the car that was waiting for me was not there, i.e. the noise with the fact that someone was tired of waiting for me there was fictitious,  it was raining outside and for another ten minutes I stood there because I was also irritated by this hysterical doctor with the rank of major, deciding that I would rather stand here than go back and cross paths with her again. A UAZ loaf rolled into the yard, got into the car, went out Madame Major, gave the driver some of my documents and told him not to give them to me, we went.By the way, it was she who slept sweetly last night and disgruntled came out half an hour later to meet us,

while we evacuees stood outside for half an hour, in the cold in the yard, fuck with me, but almost all were with shrapnel and bullet wounds, someone's bandages had long been soaked in blood, and someone cracked at the fact that painkillers ceased to work, okay when we have to endure in the war zone, but when we are "at home", when all social services that are maintained by the state for this purpose should work,  and they behave so recklessly, isn't it a threat to the security of the country, when someone because of this may not survive or remain crippled, isn't this criminal medical negligence ... but as you know, the military was forbidden to disclose problems in the army.

I would not like to be not objective, because perhaps this woman is not a bad person and treat her work responsibly, and the fact that she slept through the arrival of a bus with the wounded is a consequence of the fact that there is an acute shortage of staff in the hospital and huge overtime that are probably not paid, I heard a lot of complaints from nurses and doctors, but again I wonder if they themselves are to blame for this? After all, they, like all of us, do not complain to the labor committees, the prosecutor's office, the courts (to which they have to pay a big problem), that they have to do the work of several people, that they do not pay for overtime, that they do not have the necessary medicines and equipment, they endure, which ultimately affects the quality of their work and, as a result, the removal of anger on others. For example, the paramedic who sent me to evacuate from the front line, asked me to transfer to the medical detachment. that he does not have syringes and painkillers, there is not even this on the front line, if they just wanted to get rid of all of us, then there are no questions, but if not, then who will answer for thousands of lives of Russian soldiers who followed orders and did not receive high-quality medical care guaranteed by law!

Why keep the medical service as a branch of the armed forces at all, I'm not talking about field and emergency medicine? What is the problem of having independent modern hospitals for the military, where the doctor will treat me, and not try to build, as in general you can put in

one status of a serviceman engaged in real military service and a person who has nothing to do with the real army, while being treated in military hospitals is far from good, but receives all the benefits of a serviceman who is given high military ranks and who will not rot in the trenches like you ...

One of my comrades who died at the airport of Nikolaevsk, in the summer he was diagnosed with an inguinal hernia in our hospital in Feodosia, he told how he was already lying on the operating table under local anesthesia and realizing that he had already been cut, he heard how the doctors whispered that he did not have a hernia!  this is how the system of interaction between services and justice is arranged. Ordinary contractors are privately not legally literate enough, and the military prosecutor's office is not engaged in assistance, unless, in their opinion, something interesting has happened for them at the moment.

Continuing the topic, I will already say that I am generally against women in the Russian army, either let them serve as in the army of Israel and the United States, i.e. on an equal footing with men, or they are not needed there at all.Only in our army, women in the overwhelming majority, serve as a decoration, who are often arranged there by husbands and lovers, not counting isolated cases of company paramedics,  sometimes really trying to help someone, despite the small powers. About the civilian ranks of the Generals, who in rank and position are higher than the commanders of regiments, I am generally silent, this had to be thought up, you really need not to understand and appreciate your army.

If we continue the topic of military medicine of the Russian army, then it is enough just to compare the IPP, the first aid kit of the Russian soldier and the American, now often found in the Armed Forces of Ukraine, in our harness, bandage and promidol, and as practice shows, not everyone on the front line has it, and looking into the American one, then immediately without experience and you will not understand what it is, the best parallel will be the comparison of Zhiguli and Mercedes. But we were banned.

to talk about your service, and then suddenly everyone will know about these problems, it is easier to hide it than to fix it.

As the driver drove me to the other side of town, to the eye department, I smoked and tried to stop being angry. From the driver I learned that in this new hospital no one is kept for a long time and everyone is scattered to other hospitals and sanatoriums in different cities.Paying attention to the folder handed over to Madame Major to the driver, I asked him to let him see what it is, opening I saw the certificate form where there was a list of my health problems, many indicators that in fact were not carried out to me, there were a lot of sheets and everything about my health,  by the way, most of the parameters were issued to abum, it is written that during a special operation in Ukraine the earth got into the eyes ...

Perhaps because of the endless paperwork and heavy workload, doctors are not up to more attentive treatment, what other explanation for this?

Complains of back and leg pain...

At the bottom, a bright light green marker is handwritten inscription

"Behaves aggressively, violates military discipline!"

That's all you need to know about the army, if you are not joking enough in front of senior officers and do not pretend to look stupid in front of them and agree with everything, then you are stigmatized, and it is almost impossible to achieve military discipline from them in relation to you in a legal way. Because of what some lose patience with injustice to themselves and simply enter into open conflicts with the command, which immediately means a cross in the career, because in the current army you only need "Gerasim agrees to everything."

The trip to Sevastopol at night is over, we enter the territory of the military hospital, there is a huge territory here, but the buildings are far from the first freshness, the heritage of ancestors from the USSR, as almost everything that surrounds us from another great country of the past. I'm dragged back to the front desks and sent to the eye department. The time was already around 9 p.m. The body of this compartment is not the same at all, and I

I thought that those who returned from the front would be well treated, this hospital came out as an armata tank and much more, ostentatious.

At the entrance, I am met by an elderly nurse, gives me old slippers of different sizes and assigns me to the ward with a young guy conscript, takes me to an ophthalmologist who re-examines me and prescribes treatment ...

The whole week of treatment I sleep, eat, watch news from Ukraine in the hall on TV to collect all the available information and communicate in the smoking room with the guys, almost the entire department is occupied by the wounded, with fragments, burns and eye contusions.

Watching the news on TV, I could not understand why there is no truth, the war is almost not sanctified and I do not see any objectivity. Here are two cases worth hearing.

On the first day, I greedily sat in front of the TV screen waiting to hear real news from the front, but except for solid water and it is not clear where the reports were filmed, I have a dissonance from what I saw and show on the News, there standing in positions under shelling was the impression "Not a step back, behind Stalingrad" we need to hold on with any force,  our hunger, disease, lack of sleep and losses are not important, the News says that the losses are minimal and we are endlessly supplied with the whole country with everything that the soul can desire. The presenter begins to tell a short news that there was a fire on the cruiser Moskva, which was successfully extinguished and the cruiser was towed somewhere there.This news did not seem interesting to me in maritime affairs I do not understand anything.But then one guy sitting next to me says "This is my ship, there is no more Moscow", the guy also has something with his eyes after the explosion and from him I learn that Moscow is the pride and flagship of the Black Sea Fleet,  that they were 40 km from Odessa from where they launched missiles and that three missiles flew into them, two of which hit the hull, the ship began to burn, the crew was evacuated, but not all ...

Another week the loss of the ship was hidden, but now everyone knows about this loss, shame and sorrow, I do not think that Peter I and F.F. Ushakov are proud of the state of the current fleet.

After his story, everything returned to its place and I remembered that the TV can not be trusted ...

The second important point about the conscript.

A young, thin and stooped conscript boy was lying there.From the conversation I learned that he was also in the war. As he was told you have to go, you don't have to do anything, you're a signalman. Their unit was artillery, on the first day of the war they went to Kherson, on the bridge in front of the Dnieper they collided with the Armed Forces of Ukraine, there were also us, part of our regiment together with the 11DShB made its way across the bridge and fought there, and the gunners realizing that they had come to the front line and seeing the Ukrainian Grads turned around and drove back along the highway to turn the howitzers to the battle,  it was already dark, they, like all the workers, had no communication, and the cars had hard-to-see Z.In the dark, the column was shot some of the cars were burned, 200,300 others fled in panic in the dark, this guy with several comrades ran away and the next day came out to ours.As far as I know (this column I saw in the morning) and so says the conscript,  that the column was shot by their own.

It seems that corruption and mess in the army are too expensive. To die so, on the first day of fighting from the friendly, who will be responsible for these lives and wounded?

After all, the reason for their death was not the professionalism of the Ukrainian army, but the mess in ours.

After a week of treatment, my eyes turned white again and opened, the doctor allowed me to put on the lenses and I began to see well again, including the shabby state of the department in which I lay, where there was one toilet for 40 people.

Patients were not detained there because there was no shortage of new ones, every day new ones arrived.

Before discharge, I was sent to the trauma unit because I complained of back and leg pain, it was painful to get out of bed, climb stairs and walk.

A cheerful and ruddy fat man (probably also a major) listened to my complaints and sent me for x-rays, making X-rays of the bones of the legs and spine, I was cheerfully told that the bones are intact, and if the pain does not go away, then go to the hospital at the place of service. It was unpleasant to have such a disregard from the doctor who pays the state for my health, but I myself did not understand what was wrong with me and the prospect of "will" beckoned to the gates of the checkpoint, I desperately wanted after all this normal human life, home comfort, drink and delicious food, and at least just walk around the city and look at people ...

From the Sevastopol Military Hospital, all those who arrived from Ukraine are sent to the military unit of the Marine Corps located at the other end of the city, they were taken to the UAZ loaf, (why don't the deputies ride it?) in which the gasoline ran out and we 7 wildlings poured out of it near the Metro supermarket, frightening with their stunned eyes, beards and uniforms of passers-by.Everyone was from different cities, Cherkesk, Volgograd, Rostov, Nalchik, Ulan-Ude and everyone wanted to go home as quickly as possible.I remember one guy from Volgograd, on the uniform there were still marks of each other(left hand and right leg with a white armband) he was a mechanic-driver of the BMP3(lucky not old),  Javelin flew to the BMP, the car burned down, the crew died, he alone survived, the little guy stuttered terribly, one word pronounced from 5 to 10 seconds, he said that they wanted to send him to a mental institution, but he fought back, wrote a refusal from medical help and goes home ...

When we got to a part of the Marine Corps, we were taken to one of the barracks, which was identified as those who were discharged from the hospital and sent there to wait for sending to the unit.

Hundreds of people who returned from the war, who eat the roof after the experience and the feeling of roof-bearing happiness, from the fact that they remained alive and returned to civilization, someone stutters a lot, saw two with memory loss, (they either remembered from where they were, then forgot) many there drink hard, drinking what

earned, going out at night to prostitutes and walking 100 thousand per day (some do not go home until 10 days), many of them received 3 million for wounds, someone for a broken rib, someone for a bullet.I can understand them, because the roof really tears and you want to get everything that you could not afford there, especially after the experience, returning from the war you feel that you were born again,  but I preferred to leave on the same day, because I understood that such a crowd in the company of comrades-in-arms, people who survived the same thing as you, with those who understand you now better than the people closest to you, can drag you out very much (from 2007 to 2010 I served in Chechnya and fell into the same courage), and I did not receive 3 million like many others,  on the account of my card for 2 months of the "special operation" I had 215 thousand. at that moment I thought about the fact that our useless for society deputies, whom the people do not know, receive 500 tons per month without leaving their health and life for the benefit of Russia, and a normal programmer will earn this money in a month. That is the current reality.

By the way, about 3 million, we call them "Putin's", according to the decree on injuries, contusions, mutilations, wounds to participants in a special operation in Ukraine, so they stopped paying them choosing the victims in a strange way, when a person is very serious, someone a fragment did not enter the body deep enough and does not pay anything, and someone was paid for a broken finger in the first days of the war.  that someone does not make bad money on this, conducting as a wound any fighter, he does not know about it, they indicate the necessary details and voila, the business is ready.There are also rumors that someone is listed in the war, receives money, but in fact is just somewhere else. For example, I have been in Russia for two months, but for some reason I still receive 120 t.r. per month, and someone did not receive a penny at all, because he was listed in the garrison and no complaints from the Ministry of Defense solved this problem. This decree only increased corruption and discontent in the army, tore off the leg, by 3 million, broke the rib hold 3 million, and you have a fragment pierced only the skin.

I don't even want to talk about those who deliberately shot themselves in the foot, because if his salary is 30t.r. (like mine), then for the sake of 3 million he needs to work 100 months!!! (great temptation)

Well, how at the top to know about this and understand about the problems of ordinary soldiers, who are supposed to do all the dirty work. The reports are probably fine.

In general, from this place, I preferred to dump as soon as possible, without issuing travel documents, arriving at my unit, I was almost immediately granted a 2-week vacation, (last year I did not take a veteran's leave and they went to meet me) with the condition that after the vacation back, "to save Nazi-occupied Ukraine".

Like almost any sane military man, I have a negative attitude to war.Of course, I love everything related to military affairs, like most men, I grew up in this end.But as they say "those who will not take part in it will shout loudest about the war." In general, I do not understand why we need a war with Ukraine, I do not see at least one significant reason for this and even more, I was against the annexation of the Crimea (where I am writing these lines) and

"brewing porridge" in the LPR and the DPR, especially since Ukrainians are the closest people to Russians, for me it is nothing more than a Civil War. My great-grandfather, after whom I am named Pavel, was a kulak from Ukraine, went through the First World War (which, by the way, in fact brought nothing but death and suffering for our country) where he was gassed by the Germans and never smelled again, and on his return home, was dekulakized and exiled to Siberia, since then for a hundred years,  power passed from hand to hand and now his great-grandson Paul is sent to the homeland of his great-grandfather to leave his health also for nothing.

The King, then the Chief, then the Secretary, now the President... As the saying goes, "boyars swear at the slave hats fly",

it would be right in my opinion if Putin and Zelensky came out once in a while and figured out "whose is what", and tens of thousands of Ukrainian, Russian military and civilians, continued

hundreds of thousands have not lost their health, and millions of homes and property. But I was forbidden to say this, I have no right to do so, so I will not propose it, so no one will ever see such a picture.

After all, who am I thinking about this, an ordinary contract paratrooper, gave the order, the Airborne Forces said "Yes!"

After all, the army is really built on unity of command. And in my opinion, this is true, because it is true that if someone attacks our country, and the army begins to think whether it is right or wrong, good or bad, true or false, then it can cost Russia dearly, our cities can begin to be bombed and captured, our relatives and friends will suffer until every soldier understands that the command was right.

We carried out the order, for me personally it would be shameful and shameful to refuse to cross the border of Ukraine on February 24, because I did not have information at that time and did not know the strategic and military-political situation. All this information should be possessed by the great uncles at the top, it is for this purpose that the peoples of our country have endowed almost unlimited power, trusting in order to multiply or at least preserve the well-being, power and greatness of our country. The power of the Russian army is in their hands, if they forgot about it at the top, then this power was given to their people and not in order to destroy people, but in order to protect our country and its peoples, so that the horror of the Tatar-Mongol invasion, Moscow burned by Napoleon or Stalingrad destroyed by Hitler would not happen again. But forgetting or ignoring this, Russia for the whole world turns into the Fourth Reich. Who is to blame? I? Put on, I see Russia's endless fall into the world's bottom. I am a man brought up in a military family, my father served in the same 56DShP which I now serve and I, the collapse of the Airborne Forces, I have been watching all my life.

My father took part in the UN from the Russian Federation, a peacekeeper in Yugoslavia, in the first and second Chechen company, he laid down all his health and life as a patriot of the Russian Federation, he sincerely believed in good intentions, during the second campaign in Chechnya, he

was with one kidney, it was a shame for him to refuse, he went through both Chechen companies...

In 2017, he died of cancer, my last conversation with him was about whether he regretted it, I drove him from the cancer hospital of Volgograd home to Kamyshin, he was then 52 years old. The distance from Volgograd to Kamyshin is 200 km, it was the beginning of August, a month ago he had his bladder removed and as I said above, since 1999 he has been with one kidney continuing to serve in the Airborne Forces, take part in hostilities and at the same time, for example, pulling up 30 times. He was diagnosed with cancer two months ago, it became sharply bad, it was urgent to do an operation, but to interrogate help from the army, in Burdenko, for example, it did not work out and the operation was done in Nizhny Novgorod for a fee.

I remember that the whole day was spent in queues, in stuffiness, from which even I, a healthy one, began to feel dizzy and as a result, some commission where they allegedly decided something about whether to put him on this procedure or not, I remember my father, (a few months before that he was a strong sports man) he sits sunken, thin without one kidney and bladder in front of a medical commission of about seven people,  at the head of this commission is a woman about 35 years old, who rudely and irritably asks some questions, I look at my father and understand that he is already very bad, he does not understand what she is asking, and the woman doctor continues to ask questions more and more raising her voice at him, I just vomited, yelled at them all!I do not understand how it is possible to communicate so much with sick people!I do not understand why our country is not so fair,  in which people give their health and lives for the sake of it, and respect for them is reduced only to propaganda boltology on federal channels, I do not understand how rotten our society is since doctors allow them to behave this way with patients.

After shouting at them, I went out and went to the head doctor, I remember that I flew to her office and told her that he was a military pensioner and veteran and that if they did not make him that now.

I will leave him here to die and go after journalists, the FSB, the prosecutor's office, the police, whatever, but he will stay here. Oddly enough, the doctor ordered that everything be done for free, either she really felt sorry for us, or she was afraid, or there were still people with a soul in this system. So, taking my father back after a few days in that hospital, I talked to him 200 km of the road, thoughts from this song reigned in my soul, Blue Berets "Tell the father, tell me", before reading further, listen to her ...

I was very sorry for him, for the indifferent attitude to the combat military pensioner on the part of our rotten system, the military pension of course he was paid, but it was small about 15 tr. Disability at the same time, and did not formalize, because there several circles of Hell will have to pass during his lifetime, proving that you are disabled. This Man was a true patriot, a paratrooper of that old Soviet guard which unfortunately no longer exists.He to the end, even being in the position described above, believed in the good intentions of the government for the country and that they could make our country and its army better. He once refused to emigrate to Germany (my great-grandmother was German and was also exiled to Siberia), believing in Russia and its government and considering himself only Russian. Even though being a 52-year-old military pensioner, he was denied military medicine and had to be treated for a fee in civilian hospitals, and he was literally now disabled and no one but his family and a few old friends needed him.  he had nothing but a miserable pension, and when he needed treatment, the state came out he simply forgot, like many others who left health and life neither for yachts, palaces and luxury, but for the sake of the happy future of the Great Country and its long-suffering people, to whom the ancestors who defeated fascism bequeathed - If only there was no war! Then I felt and understood that he had very little left to live, but because of resentment for him, for the fact that he left the family so early, only at the age of 52, I

I talked to him about politics, about Chechen companies, corruption and the collapse of the army, asked if he regretted that he gave his health to the army, and in response he does not even deal with his treatment, despite the fact that from all the cracks they shout about its rise and the invincibility of Russian weapons, (even then I did not believe in this seeing the kitchen from the inside).

In response, he protested that everything is not so bad, that everything is getting better around and will only get better, our army is going in the right direction, and the president is doing everything right...

Because of this, we quarreled and the last half hour of the journey were silent.Taking him home and leaving him with his sister and mother, I got into the car and drove away (at that time I worked in Volgograd), three weeks later I returned to bury him.The state gave him a free tombstone, a place in the cemetery and a salute to the funeral team ... I really regret that I started that last conversation then, but it still sits inside me, that nothing changes for the better in the army, why are these problems not being solved?

I don't have to say much about myself for the sake of completeness about myself. From 2007 to 2010, after the sergeant training of the OVGO units, I left for a contract in Chechnya at 46 OBRON, it was very interesting for me to see the real service, my father, despite the fact that he once offered me to enter a military institute, began to dissuade me from going to Chechnya, I decided that I would do everything myself. My brilliant (as it seemed to me at the time) plan was to serve in the army and enter a military institute out of competition. Despite the fact that then not everything was perfect, now after 12 years I understand that then the service there was much more serious.

Deciding that I would cheat the system, I resigned half a year before the end of the contract. I already had a veteran's certificate, which gave me the right to enter a military university, and military service came out. A year later, I prepare for admission, go through commissions and prepare documents. I graduated from school in 2005, then there was no unified state exam, but now it is mandatory for everyone. As a veteran, I need to pass the passing ball, without preparing to pass the exam, I gain the required number of points. Going to the Military Institute

in Saratov, but as it turns out, my Unified State Exam did not come there and I was denied admission. Having gone there in search of justice, going to the prosecutor's office and finding no way out, I vow never to have anything to do with this system and the unjust state again. I apply in absentia to become a history teacher, because it seems that it is necessary to have a higher education for no clear reason, everyone says so, then it is necessary.

Soon I'm connecting my life with horses. At first he was a groom, then a horse breeder, having studied in different places and as experience appeared, he became a bereitor, a riding instructor, a manager of a stud farm and eventually became close to the state again becoming a leading zootechnician on horses in the now well-known Miratorg. Initially, I was very happy about this, I developed with my work, the company developed dramatically thanks to the state budget, about 300 American and Australian cowboys worked there, who shared their invaluable experience. The whole company is bought equipment, cattle, horses and technology from the West, for money that I can't imagine. Everything seems cool, but in 2017, our state decides to quarrel with everyone again, breaking contracts with all Americans from Miratorg, in response to sanctions. It got ridiculous, they were photographed in the bar, how they drink beer and on the basis of this broke contracts with them, everyone from this approach had a sense of shame in front of people who shared with us invaluable experience. The whole point, the whole technology of growing Black Angus marbled beef, is tied to American horses and cows. Having broken off relations in such a non-stop way, the board of directors sets the task of import substitution, absolutely not delving into the fact that In Russia they do not produce Western ammunition and Quoter Horse horses  are not grown. In Russia, there were a lot of beautiful horses that we inherited from the USSR (which began to disappear over the past 30 years),  but there are no breeds of horses that are suitable in their qualities for this work. But no, the task was set as in the army to "give birth". Trying to find blinker workshops that are able to make such ammunition, I with

I was horrified to see that in Russia there is no production, even such a simple thing as a trenzel, it is an ordinary iron inserted into the mouth of a horse to control it. Trying to conjure and value my position, I collected horses in the Caucasus, on which the company allocated such a budget as 75 t.r. (the lowest price per horse on the market). At this lowest price, it was necessary to select, find and bargain in order to bring young and healthy horses. On the farms, workers were massively dissatisfied with the lack of horses and ammunition, because of which they could not do their work. Coming to the newly opened farms, I saw horses and cows in terrible condition, the workers expressed dissatisfaction with the state of affairs, the farms opened one by one at the request and plan of the board of directors, but everyone did not care how things were there, the main thing was the plan and reporting. I was required to control and reassure people by any means, to promise them that it would not happen. The plan must be carried out, no matter if you do not want to, there will be another, people are there, this is a tool and nothing more. Everyone in the company knew that in fact all this belongs to Medvedev, his wife on the board of directors, not the brothers running the company. The company became a virtual monopolist occupying the Bryansk, Oryol, Kaluga, Smolensk and Kaliningrad regions. Communicating with people in high positions in the company, (among whom there was also a large turnover), I had to hear more than once that so much money was poured into the company that it does not have a payback period, it lives at the expense of the budget, at the expense of subsidies. In 2018, a new surprise appeared, in connection with the board of directors falling under sanctions, new restrictions begin in the company, all leading specialists are deprived of compensation for rented housing, sneezing on employment contracts. Someone is trying to defend the rights, someone is trying to sue, I decide to resign from there, realizing that all this is more expensive for myself. There I was not paid as much as promised at the device, and in the end they also deprived me of funds for renting housing. I.e. minus 15t.r.

Regretting that I contacted the state again, I decide that I probably do not belong here. I'm starting to look for attempts to go abroad.In general, see what it is?

A month later, I had the opportunity to go to Germany, to Bavaria, to exchange experience on horses. I remember being excited about going abroad for the first time. I heard so much about it, but the information was very contradictory, someone spoke enthusiastically, and somewhere they said that there are all, everything is terrible and there is nothing to do there. But, you need to see for yourself and draw conclusions. As a result, I was endlessly surprised by the order, beauty, cheerful people, the fact that it is full of pensioners enjoying life, the fact that there are horses in Bavaria at almost every step, they are not a luxury item there and many Germans know how to handle them, the fact that feeling like a professional in Russia, I had a self-perception of an amateur in Germany ...

Honestly, I wanted to stay there, but I didn't find a legal way to do it, and I certainly didn't have the money for that. After a while and also not finding myself in Russia, I decided to leave firmly, I had a feeling that I was not needed in my homeland. For emigration in the specialty, Australia and Canada were suitable, I learned the language and prepared for it. But then, Covid came in 2019, the whole world began to close itself off from each other, and I had to accept this reality. Unsuccessfully mooing and working with horses in different places, and the salary in this narrow sphere fell, at the beginning of 2021, I decide to return to the army, my years are coming, and by the age of 33 I still do not have my own housing, I decide that it should be the Airborne Forces and exactly the regiment in which I grew up, 56DShB in Kamyshin, despite the fact that the Ministry of Defense S.K. Shoigu,  decided to disband it and transfer it to Feodosia, Crimea. I decided what fate meant, if I returned to the army, it would be only where I grew up. After the difficulties of setting up for a contract, I receive an order to arrive at the unit.

On August 18, 2021, I signed the contract again.Initially, I wanted to sign a contract in Kamyshin 56DShB (in which I

grew up where my father served). But as I said above, the big uncles at the top decided to disband it to one battalion and transfer it to the city of Feodosia, the Crimea river, in Feodosia a few years earlier, 181DShB had already been created, on the basis of which it was planned to create 56DShP 2 battalions.I fundamentally wanted to serve in 56, so I went to serve on 18.08.2021 in Feodosia, in 181DShB, in order to serve from 1.12.2021 already in 56DShP.

Arriving in Feodosia on 18.08.2021 quite happy, he quickly began to lose optimism from what he saw.

Crossing the checkpoint, where I showed the documents with the order of the contract, wonderful views of my new house opened up in front of me.Just behind the checkpoint there is a small parade ground with pits and hollowed-out concrete, in front of it there are two old hollowed-out 2-storey barracks, an old dining room and a small area for amphibious training classes.While walking to the personnel department located in one of the barracks, crossing the parade ground I came across 2 mating dogs (kind aunts in the dining room regularly feed them because of which a pack took root there perfectly.  Stray dogs).Having come to the personnel departments and handed over the documents, I was told that there is no command now, and so serve, having learned that my company is located here on the second floor, I go there.Having risen and got acquainted with several contractors, I find out that there are no officers here now, contract soldiers cannot live in the barracks, because in my company half of the conscripts, and there seem to be no free beds there.  there are no places in the dormitory (and the hostel, as I was warned, I was immediately convinced of, this is Cloaca), they advised me to go to the neighboring barracks in another company, I go there to explain the problem to the commander of another company, he says that here on the floor there is a kubrick of a mortar battery, they are at the training ground, but there scouts from 56 drove equipment (reformation began, 56 drove some of the equipment here),  I go to them, I get acquainted, the guys are good and fellow countrymen, they have one free bed, I think perfectly, the main thing is to roll over for now, soon everything will get better, because new ones have been built behind the fence since the beginning of the year.

barracks... but even a year later, they didn't finish it, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the course of communicating with scouts, they ask me not understanding why I signed the contract, tell them about stability and mortgages, and they twist my finger at the temple, okay, I think, to each his own ...

For about ten days I've been hanging around trying to get shape...

15 thousand rubles remained in the pocket, in the dining room the food is bad, then there is not enough food for everyone, then the potatoes in the soup on the water are raw, then the bread has run out ...

I get acquainted with comrades in misfortune who, like me, came here by signing a contract, and now they are left to their own devices...

There is a problem to wash there, broken showers, water shortages because of which often the toilets were locked with a key ...

After 10 days, they give out a uniform, but only a summer gerbil and a green, but there are no leggings of the right size, which is why in order to finally start "serving", and not to foolishly shuffle around the civilian, I go and buy myself thighs ...

Being present at the morning formation, already finally in form, thinking that now everything will be more interesting, I begin to be horrified by the fact that all this fucking understand what it looks like, two torn flags of the Russian Federation and the Airborne Troops are developing on the parade ground, the anthem is played dejectedly from the column, and half of the servicemen do not sing it. 2007 to

In 2010 I served a contract in 46 obron in Chechnya, until the age of 15 I lived in 56 DShB, constantly went with my father to the training ground, but what I saw now looked like just a crowd of people in military uniform ... After the divorce on which my company commander finally appeared, we newly arrived he takes with him to sort out some garbage in a container under lock and key, it was some spare parts and rags that he lacked, and soon there should be a check and he had to count it all and we 10 people he took with him, without even getting acquainted with the new arrivals,  there were five of us. As a result, for several hours we shift some garbage from one place to another at 10, I remember that even take it in

hands it was disgusting. I thought okay, surely it wouldn't be like that later. After all, back in 2007, in the classroom, we had daily classes from morning to afternoon, theory, tactics, physo.

So many years and reforms have passed, for sure now everything has become better. A few days later, in which there is nothing to remember, the company commander after the divorce at 18:00, decided to still demonstratively get acquainted. The fact is that on this day I expressed dissatisfaction with the indifference of the commander and one prishpek conveyed to him that the new contractors were dissatisfied with the commander. The company introduced himself demonstratively in front of the formation and began to approach us alternately, we called the rank, surname, marital status and our city.When the turn came to me and I said that from Kamyshin, he looked at me and asked me "On kh.I.I came here?"

I stand there and think that I don't have to swear at my superiors, so I try to make a joke.

I looked at him, we are the same age as 33 years old, but he looks much older than me, with sly eyes coupled with excess weight.

Nothing happens for another week, only once we have to go to the car park, in which there are UAZ Goats of our company, tear the grass ... I go to the moat, thinking I won't show off.

Finally, our young Deputy Polit of the company, on his own initiative, conducts us a lesson on tactics, despite the fact that the command tried to send everyone to the next useless worker, on the principle of just to make a kind of puzzlement.

The next day we eat for shooting, we get up at five in the morning, we line up for three hours and wait for kamaz, finally we eat, we arrive at 12:00, we line up, we stand, the command at the range does not like how some paper is filled, the major tears up the sheet and throws at our young deputy political officer in front of the formation, with some hysterical screams yells that there will be no shooting because of this, the whole formation stands and looks contemptuously at the hysterical major with sympathy for the young starley,  which is beaten off by any

a sound initiative and a desire to associate your life with the army. As a result, after another hour of shooting begins, the time is 13:00, the heat is 50+, there is no water, we drove initially until lunch, now it turns out that we are here for the whole day, plus night shooting, at one o'clock in the morning we eat back, dehydrated and eating one suhpai for 3-4 men.Just do not need me to pour about the fact that this hardens and makes us stronger.The health of not one person was beneficially affected by the lack of normal sleep,  food and water. All this only takes away the health, the health of people in the charter of which it is written that they are obliged to monitor their health, on whose health the country's defense capability depends.

Contractors most often just score on orders to do some kind of cleaning, which is why mowing the grass or dragging something somewhere useless forces conscripts. Therefore, conscripts look even more sophisticated, and given that the uniform is already worn and even torn ... it is not at all like the 56DShP of the 1993-2003 model.

In the middle of September, I find myself a room in a hotel for 12t.r. the season of vacationers is over, until the next season you can rent something, May-September prices triple.

The landing training for admission to the jumps begins, we practice for three weeks, we get admission, we wait for the jumps. All october they promise jumps, but they are still not.

Everyone is being forced to get two-compound Covid vaccinations, because they are massively diagnosed in the Covid battalion, I decide to do so as not to get into trouble with the command.

I get vaccinated, I got sick with Covid asymptomatically, after the vaccination I lie with the heat for three days, I decide that I will not agree to do the second one for anything.

By the way, a month later, Covid miraculously disappeared somewhere in the tests, despite the fact that many did not do these vaccinations, miracles.

In mid-October, they begin to give out a demi-season and winter form, but only worn and there are no sizes, I refuse to receive a worn form not in size,

because of what begins the aggravation of relations with the command, rebels are not liked here. After swearing with the company, I go and buy myself a bushlat.The company begins to take revenge on the outfits in a day. At the beginning of November, everyone is sent on forced leave, because the president announced "not working days", despite the fact that I still have a probationary period and I am not entitled to a basic vacation. The salary of 27t.r. sublease is almost not realistic, no one has yet carried out the delivery of physo for newly arrived contractors, if I still do not have time to make four jumps, then the whole next year the salary will be 27 t.r. In the Crimea, while not having housing it is poverty, you need to pass the fizo and make jumps.

A week later they report that the jumps will be accurate, I write a report on the exit from vacation, several days are wasted, laying parachutes, it turns out that half does not know how to lay parachutes, we lay down from morning to 21:00.

At 2:00 exit for jumping.

We arrive at the jumping platform at 4:00, at night it was minus, we rode in open KAMAZ, everyone arrived blown away from the cold, we jump on the spot until 9:00 to somehow warm up, the turntables arrived, the jumps finally begin, at 11:00 they jumped, my board was mistakenly thrown out to the cemetery, it was good that the weather was good, everything was taxied, no one landed on the cross or someone's grave.

We go back, on the jumps I broke the lock on the bushlat because of which I swear with the company, he demands to fasten the bushlat whose lock is broken, after refusing to get a worn uniform we have a special relationship.

The next day on Saturday I wake up, I have a fever, I understand that I have a cold, I will not go to buy a statutory demi-season and winter uniform, basically in a worn and not in size as a scarecrow.

Sunday heat.

On Monday I go to the service, I swear with the company, I do not want to let go to the hospital.

I go to the hospital, on fluorography 2 third-party pneumonia.

"Treated" in the hospital.

Leaving the hospital, I find out that while I was lying there, there was finally a physo pass, on which I was given two, because the company commander did not fall on the lists of patients and hid what I was lying in the hospital. Because of this deuce, I didn't see a supplement for the physo for next year. I go to the command of the unit, it is not realistic to achieve the truth, I understand that I have had enough of all this mess, I write this complaint to the Ministry of Defense:

I'm a contract service member Jr. Filatyev Pavel Olegovich, born on 09.08.1988

I am forced to leave the appeal with a complaint due to the fact that my direct command of military unit 81505 does not respect my rights as a soldier and combat veteran against me, and also allows the following violations:

I have re-signed a three-year contract from 8/19/2021.

The last straw for contacting the Ministry of Defense for me was the fact that having made my first parachute jump on 12.11.2021, I fell ill with pneumonia because at two o'clock in the morning we left for jumps in Dzhankoy, it was minus 6 degrees outside, we rode in open kamaz, arriving at 5:00, we unloaded, waited until 8:00 for the start of jumps and all this time there was no way to warm up except to jump on the spot,  many servicemen were without warm clothes, someone did not receive, someone refused to receive a worn uniform (like me), or a uniform not in size. After jumping the next day, I began to feel unwell, because I froze for a very long time, I hoped

But on Monday morning Waking up at five in the morning for exercise I felt hot, barely getting myself in shape with the pills I came to the part for divorce by 8:00 am, with shortness of breath. After the divorce, I informed the platoon commander and the company commander that I was unwell, I had a fever and that I needed to go to the medical unit. In response, the company commander said that I needed to go and write in the book of records of patients and the next day go to the medical unit. , he did not let me go and ordered to unload the parachutes with everyone, around 10:00, when the parachutes were unloaded, he still said that now I can go to the rank. part. Arriving at the sanitary unit. I had my temperature taken at 37.5 (given that I had taken three paracetamol tablets before) and sent me to the hospital for fluorography, in the picture I was diagnosed with bilateral pneumonia, they did a coronavirus test and said that I needed hospitalization, I tried to ask for outpatient treatment, but the doctors said that if I was diagnosed with COVID pneumonia, I could be held accountable and that at most I could go home for personal belongings.

I reported this to the platoon commander by phone, to which he told me to come to the unit, write a report and hand over a certificate. The doctors of the hospital, in response to my requests for a certificate, said that my hospitalization was urgent and my hospitalization was reported in a different order and I could not go to the unit.

Obeying the order of the commander, I still went back to the unit, although I considered this order not legitimate, having come to the medical unit. and having explained the situation, the paramedic on duty told me that I did not need a report and a certificate and I needed to go to the hospital for assistance, being already exhausted from walking and suffocating in such a state, I went by taxi to the military prosecutor's office, where I was strongly advised to go to the hospital, and all other issues to solve later.  the doctors scolded me verbally, for not following their requirements and took me by ambulance with shortness of breath to the infectious diseases department.Within a week, about thirty people were admitted to the infectious diseases department.

after a week in the infectious diseases department under antibiotics, making three negative tests for coronavirus, I began to ask me to send me for outpatient treatment because staying in the infectious diseases department did not imply the possibility of going outside, there is no place to wash normally, you can not use phones, you can not receive transmissions, i.e. complete isolation,  and the quality of hospital food leaves much to be desired. All this time in the department, an unknown man in civilian clothes demanded constructions from the military at different times, I refused to build, referring to the temperature and uncertainty for me of the status of this man, as it turned out later he was a major in the medical service, on Sunday, November 21 at about 8:00 again he announced the construction of which the nurses announced to me,  I again refused to build citing sunday temperature 8:00 and the ambiguity of the meaning and legality of these claims, in the end he demanded from the honey. sisters explaining that I refuse daily constructions at 14:00, although it was ,8:00.

In response to my requests to send me for outpatient treatment, I received a refusal and a recommendation to spend another week in the infectious diseases department.At this point, the military unit was passing the fizo, before that I applied for the delivery of fizo to the highest level because at the age of 33 I was in good physical shape.

And due to the fact that I am denied the opportunity to return my medical documents and an extract of state administration with pneumonia, I am forced to serve without the possibility of recovery.

Finally upset, I committed a misdemeanor and smoked in the toilet of the hospital, for which my attending physician came and began to say that for smoking I would be discharged for violating the regime, I began to ask to be discharged, but I was again refused, collecting things I came to the major in the "citizen" and began to ask to discharge me

to which he said to me, "Then I will write you out for violating the regime."

I insisted that at least write it out, then he said with some contempt - "There is a whole junior sergeant here dissatisfied with my treatment"

In response, I replied , "And you whole major allow yourself to mock the junior military rank"

In response to which he ordered the nurse to call the military police, he picked up the phone and said that I was violent and I should be put on the lip, I was waiting for the military police, because this call was false and defamatory, I wanted to wait for them to defend my honor, dignity and give explanations on the situation. As a result, an hour later, the company commander called me and said that the squad leader would come for me now and I needed to go with him to the unit, I again obeyed and left with him, the major of the medical service, the head of the department refused to provide me with documents and an appointment for treatment. Arriving at the unit, the company commander sent me with the platoon commander to the head of the platoon, who told me in a rude manner that I should continue to serve, that from that day I was in the ranks, because I did not behave correctly and I would be discharged for violating the hospital regime, realizing that I was not able to take up duty for health reasons, I went to the commander of the unit with a request to relieve me of my duties in order to complete the course of antibiotics,  in response to which he released me to be treated on an outpatient basis, a few days later after completing the course of antibiotics prescribed by the attending physician, I went to the service without asking for exemptions, although I felt unwell and learned that I was absent during the delivery of the FISO I was illegally and that I was given a grade of two, for which I would lose the monthly allowance -24%, and the annual bonus of 10/10,  and also lose the opportunity to receive an allowance to the salary + 70% At the moment, my salary is 27 t.r. of which 12 are given for renting housing.At the time of delivery of the FIZO I was in the hospital with pneumonia in fact, which is documented everywhere except for the combat service of the unit, no proceedings were conducted.Having learned this and contacting the command for justification of the legality of this fact in the person

the commander of the company, the deputy commander of the unit, the deputy commander of the unit for political work, the head of the medical service and the commander of the unit began to convince all of the listed persons in raised tones that it was my own fault, I now have to prove that I really was in the hospital these days.From which I conclude that the command is trying to hide my illness received in the course of duty.In addition, with all the above listed persons,  the deputy political officer of the battalion began to say that I could be dismissed as a person who had not passed the probationary period.

(probation expired two weeks ago) ,declare me NSS for smoking in the toilet,and also began to express suspicion that the title of ml.s-t. I bought and he will check it out! In addition, the company commander "lost my report on veteran leave" referring to the fact that I personally did not hand it over to him, violating the Federal Law on Veterans.

From my first arrival in the unit, violations appeared against me, namely, I had to look for a place to live on my own, because the hostel at that time was occupied, and the company commander did not allow contract servicemen to live in the barracks, as a result, I had to run like a homeless person from one barracks to another looking for a bed for the night until I found housing for rent at my own expense. (3 weeks).

Lack of fitness.

Until now, on 01.12.2021, I am not provided with a full set of uniforms due to me, a uniform is issued either not in size or worn, I refused to receive such a uniform based on the fact that "the soldier is obliged to monitor his appearance", which is why I began to attract negative attention of the command in the person of the company commander, trying to solve the issue on my own, I began to buy the necessary uniform in stores,  to date, I have acquired the VKPO uniform - the demi-season uniform, the jacket is insulated, the pants are insulated, the winter hat, the belt, the chevrons.

Providing myself with a uniform for half also fell on myself, because the uniform in poor condition and not suitable for me in size I refused to receive.

Lack of food.

Food in the dining room is organized extremely poorly, raw potatoes in soup on the water are common, there were not enough cutlets, salad, ran out of butter, bread or salty!!! tea.

As a result, contractors almost never eat in the dining room, and conscripts simply have no choice.

The workbook is not kept, the rules of service time are not observed.

For three and a half months of my service, I do not have a record in the military ID that I serve in this military unit! After two months of service, the company commander still collected military IDs from the newly arrived contractors, but when I went to the chancellery a few days later I saw military I had military IDs scattered on the table and decided to take mine worrying about its safety, no one remembered me anymore, and it seems useless to me again to go to remind the company commander about this.  he already has trial after court.

For three and a half months, in fact, there were no classes, except for pre-jump additional training.

There is an atmosphere of apathy among the contractors and 90% in the smoking rooms are discussing how the contract would end faster.

Conscripts do not understand why contract soldiers serve at all.I also heard from a number of officers that they do not want to serve here.

More than once acting as an assistant duty officer for the unit, I had to accept the flags of the Russian Federation and the Airborne Forces as if they had gone through the war, (only two weeks ago they were replaced), and the outfit on their headquarters sat and patched because there was already a hole in the hole, raising flags in the morning to the anthem of the Russian Federation (half of the servicemen do not sing it).

The duty unit and the anti-terror unit step in only on paper and Ingoda is present at the divorce.

I understand that I need to go to a military court. The fact that I have been watching for three and a half months plunges me into horror, being in such an important strategic direction in fact I see complete anarchy, on the combat

readiness here is only a faded hint, among the local population you can hear a lot of ridicule about the Feodosia Airborne Forces, I am a serviceman under contract 46 obron, in the period from 2007-2010, a veteran of hostilities, served in the Caucasus, seeing what is happening now, and as a contract soldier I do not know where to look for support except for the Ministry of Defense and the media, I appeal to the Ministry of Defense in order to defend the honor and dignity of the serviceman of the Russian Airborne Forces,  citizen of the Russian Federation, veteran of combat operations of the Russian Federation.

I ask for an independent verification of the testimony given by me, at the time of the inspection I ask for protection, I am ready to bear responsibility for giving false testimony in the flesh of the criminal.

◦

When I wrote this appeal, I was told that not all is lost in our army.Although most of my colleagues said that all this was useless and would bring me nothing but problems.After the response from the Ministry of Defense to my complaint, where I was wished good airborne health and advised to monitor my own discipline, to serve in this kingdom of durdom, the desire disappeared completely.

Also, my hopes were connected with the fact that from 1.12.2021 we will have my "native" 56 and there will definitely be more order.

But alas, nothing special, except for some clumsy attempts to tighten the screws has not changed.The legendary 56, sunk for me in the centuries, the people who formed it, almost all long ago quit.

On December 1, we officially became military unit 74507 56 DShP of two battalions, somewhat manned, the deputy commander of the Airborne Forces arrived at the formation of the regiment with a huge retinue of

The headquarters of the Airborne Forces, because of which we were built from 8:00 to 15:00, we stupidly as usual spent all day, instead of learning something, in fact, no one checked anything with us, the general did not even bother to approach, we stupidly stood, in the park they checked the equipment of UAZ, KAMAZ, BMD2, NONA.All this is a hundred years in the afternoon, much is not in working order, but on their reports for sure everything was fine and this is two months before the special operation.  Standing in the ranks, I thought that now he would bypass us all and ask questions, complaints, suggestions and then I would definitely tell him about the problems directly, but no, the general did not approach any of the contract soldiers, even indifferently passed by conscripts who stood in a ragged worn uniform not in size.

When I was growing up at 56, conscripts didn't look like that, and that's after 20 years of reform.

On Saturday, December 4, we had parachute laying, many were without a jump program, I still hoped that I would fulfill it and my salary would grow a little.

The officers did not help, except for the vdsniks, to whom the company commander to whom I presented this in front of everyone, with a mockery and laughter replied - "You are professionals, you must be able to do everything!"

By lunchtime, when I was packing the spare tire with my friend, he came up to me and tensely said "Jr.s-t.Filatyev, uniform number 5, the regimental commander calls us with you", according to this appeal, it became clear that "flew" from above about my complaint to the Ministry of Defense, while we were walking with him, he tried to reprimand me, about the fact that it was I who complained and that it was not supposed to wear a chain with a cross around my neck,  more didn't come to his mind. I replied that I had warned everyone that I wouldn't let it all down so easily. After the conflict with the hospital, I didn't care about it, if I had to go after the truth, then to the end. In fact, I do not want to offend him, but he is a reflection of the problems of our army, whose commander does not care about his personnel, a fat man, with a short breath, accused of theft, but they could not prove it in court, the career at 56 in Kamyshin did not work out and he dumped in Feodosia, but by the will of fate 56 they transferred to Feodosia

a couple of years later, from which he did not hesitate to constantly lament it in front of the personnel.

When he came to the regimental commander's office, he began to try to show me for complaining and this is bad, when he was told the essence of the claim and that they were addressed to the previous leadership, he attacked the company commander, I will not describe it ...

Then he let me go...

After leaving the unit, they began to call me, the deputy commander of the division for work with personnel, called and dissatisfiedly demanded an explanation about my complaints to the Ministry of Defense, in every possible way they tried to make it clear to me that I was now in disgrace.

Before this complaint to the Ministry of Defense, I did not have reprimands, but after it there were three at once.

Some officers talking to me tete-a-tete, fully supported me, saying that all this is of course true, but it is useless to complain.And also I received information that my command had prepared documents for a criminal case for the fact that I allegedly slandered them, but as I know from rumors, the Division Commander did not give this go ...

As I said, the desire to serve disappeared altogether. Looking at all this, I realized that our combat capability, to put it mildly, is not very good, we are engaged in nonsense, useless workers, outfits or pretending that we have classes (even the type of occupation was rarely done). After January 15, I definitely decided that I was resigning, began to pass the VVK, went to the hospital, and the attitude from the command to me, of course, was not very good, and I began to spit and frankly began to score a lot.  The most surprising thing is that most of my colleagues told me that they did the right thing by writing to the Ministry of Defense, most crave order and

they really want to change, to engage in military training, and not to create a kind of vigorous activity, but seeing examples like me that attempts to achieve something only lead to problems with the command, they themselves do not want to achieve order at such a price.

It is even more difficult to leave the army than to get a job in it...

Despite the fact that almost the whole country knows that in the Russian army, there is a fool's errand and everything is on display, there are still people who, like me, come there, thinking that maybe everything is not so bad or something has improved there. Unfortunately, in the army there are those who are satisfied with everything, those who have spent their whole lives on a career, have reached the rank of major or higher and now that there is not much left before retirement, they do not want to lose all this (the rotten system rests on them), who blindly believe that everything should be so and should be, those who believed that we are with such a mess in the Ministry of Defense,  we will seize Ukraine in three days...

Who and how will be responsible for this state of affairs in the army!? And this is in the Airborne Forces, the elite, the reserve of the Supreme Commander-in-Chief!How things are now in other units, it is terrible to imagine.

In mid-February, my company, like many other units, was at the training ground in the Old Crimea.Watching the news, I realized that something was definitely brewing, everyone who was leaving or sick was driven to the training ground.On the one hand, I did not want to have anything more to do with such an army, where you are nobody, and your rights prescribed in the law are written only on paper,  where your salary is less than that of a loader in Magnit, I understood that the army is not combat-ready, which I wrote to the Ministry of Defense, which in a reply letter wished me good airborne health and advised me to monitor my discipline. That's all, you write about what a mess is happening in the army, and in response, the Ministry of Defense, writes that it wishes you good airborne health and recommends you to look after yourself!

So what is the purpose of the Department of Defense?! Ruin yourself?! As I later learned, the unit's command quickly concocted a trial where they exposed me as a regular violator of discipline and as the worst soldier in the unit. Even in

Not finding my photos in uniform, they just concocted in Photoshop, inserting my eyes, nose and mouth from the photo on the internet, to another person in uniform, in that photo not me!

On the other hand, I thought that now that something was brewing, it would be shameful to refuse, tantamount to being a jerk.

Rumors and information went differently, from the fact that Ukraine and NATO will attack the Crimea and we just have to gather at the borders to prevent this and ending with the fact that Ukraine will attack the DPR and LPR, although I am not a supporter of all this, but to refuse to go to the training ground, afraid of a possible conflict, I was ashamed, I do not know what guided me,  patriotism or not the desire to give a back.Especially the dismissal to wait a long time, and right now no one will dismiss me.Then I did not believe that Ukraine or NATO would really attack, but if everything did happen, it would look like this.It seemed to me that most likely we would all be transferred to the DPR and LPR, we would stand on their territory,  Under Russian flags, we will announce a referendum, joining the grieving Donbas in this way, he thought that battles were possible, but only in the form that we would lead them on the defensive, standing on the border of Ukraine and Donbass, or on the border of Crimea. It seemed logical to me that they would conduct an operation under the guise of peacekeepers...

I arrived at the training ground, somewhere on February 15, when I went to the deputy commander of the battalion who was responsible for sending everyone there and saying that I needed to go to the range, that something was brewing, he rolled out balls at me like a madman, several times asked where I took it, but in the end he sent me there, scoring on what I had then,  category "G", which means temporarily unfit for service. Arriving at the training ground, I continued to from the way everything is arranged.Our company lived all in one tent, 40 people, (conscripts all remained in the garrison) in the tent bunks, the stove burzhuika, by the way even in Chechnya, where we then lived only in tents or dugouts, life was organized better.Food in the dining room is even worse than in the garrison, although at the training grounds there are still po

Back in 2007, the food was always better in the field kitchen.There was nowhere to wash there.Even in our company, it was so that the Ratnik kit, duffel bag, sleeping bag, you are given only when the company commander decides, for example, for a review or a training ground.I have long heard that there are not enough of them in the company, because of which he had courts.And accordingly, those who arrived later than the rest,  like me, there were 5 such people, they did not have a sleeping bag, no mask, armor, helmets, etc. It turned out that we changed them alternately. Arriving at the tent, where my colleagues already had a rather feral view from such a wonderful life and realizing that I did not have a sleeping bag and a place to sleep (they had been there for two weeks), I laid down in the place of the company commander. As I learned, the company staff began to directly express to him their dissatisfaction with the life, food and the fact that the company did not have a bath, because of which he almost did not spend the night in the tent. Then from many units driven to the Crimea for "exercises", I heard that the conditions were worse, for example, someone had nothing to heat the stoves in February, there was no place to wash, because of which people went to the sea in the winter, as a result, the hospital in February was filled with patients and even an order came to the ban on going to the hospital. As soon as I saw my commander in the evening, and he was definitely not happy about my presence in addition to other disgruntled people, I asked him where my sleeping bag and Ratnik's kit were, to which he replied that he was not there and in general where to sleep and where to get ammunition is my problem. In general, from the very beginning, I noticed such an atmosphere in the company that the commander tries in every possible way to expose the young platoon commanders and the sergeant in the best light, they, in turn, try to present something to the personnel, the personnel begin to claim that they do not have this or some other problem, as a result, all the problems hang in the air because the problems of the personnel,  it's just their problems, which is why everything converges to the fact that everyone is for himself. For the next few days, we went to the shooting range, stupidly disembarking ammunition, there I finally took my assault rifle for the first time, which was frantically assigned to me by the company commander only from December 1, right on the parade ground, during the inspection by the general,

before that, for four months, I didn't have a gun attached at all! By the way, even during my service in 2007-2010, it was not possible to imagine this at all.

So, it turned out that my machine gun with a broken belt and just rusty, at the very first night shootings there was a plug after several shots, after which I cleaned it in oil for a long time trying to put it in order. Every night we patrolled the tent city, one night my friend and I joined the patrol at about 1:00 in the morning, the duty officer gave us a radio station and told us to stop everyone and report to him about the arrivals, we went on patrol on the road indicated to us at the entrance to the camp. After about half an hour, in the distance we saw that a car was coming to us on the way, we stood across the road with the intention of stopping it and report to the duty officer on the unit, as he ordered, the car was getting closer and closer blinding with headlights, we stood with our hands out, it became obvious that the car would not stop and at the last moment we got off the road, in my hand was a radio station,  stepping back and perplexed by the arrogance of an unknown driver, I chirped the antenna on the body and then I already considered that it was a military UAZ Patriot, he stopped after 20 meters and from there came an exhausted wail with a mat that we were fucking, what kind of fucking and what kind of freak ordered to stop the cars, then I was given a remark that my hat was not statutory and the regimental commander went on ... the desire to carry out the orders of the command disappears immediately.

Somewhere on February 20, the order came to everyone to urgently gather and move light, there was a march-throw to who knows where, then most hoped that this march-throw meant the end of the exercises, some joked that now we would attack Ukraine and capture Kiev in 3 days, I was already not up to laughing and I said that if such something happens, we will not capture anything in three days and put forward my guesses,  that we will be sent to Donbas...

We gathered all day, most of the units left their mobile phones there, all the weapons were loaded with them, for hours.

by 17:00, our regiment had assembled, consisting of my assault battalion on the UAZ, an 82mm mortar battery, a parachute battalion on the BMD2, a shortened reconnaissance company, an artillery battalion with 120mm mortars and D30 howitzers and separate platoons.

My impressions were 500-600 people there. And again, everyone got food and water as they wanted, our command does not care.

There were a lot of weapons per company, NSV Utyosy, AGS, RPG-7, Fagot atg, Pecheneg machine guns and ak 74 m "body kit" with barrels. Or for example, I had an AK74m "Body kit" with a barrel, and a comrade with sore legs, who was not sent to the hospital because of the ban, had a PKP, so in addition we got a sudden NSV Utyos, and the grenade thrower in addition to the RPG7 had an AGS, well,  you have to.

At about 20:00, when it got dark, the column began to move to the highway, besides us, other columns advanced from different directions, traffic police and VAI cars with flashing lights appeared on the highway, huge columns began to crawl, all the way we were guessing where we were going, drivers drove behind those in front of us without knowing the end point.

As a result, we arrived in the fields, somewhere near Krasny Perekop, by about 3:00 in the morning.

In many UAZ, stoves did not even work. In the morning we received suhpai.

Even then, everyone was dirty and exhausted, some lived on the landfill for almost a month without any conditions, everyone's nerves were at the limit from this, especially since the atmosphere was becoming more serious and incomprehensible.

Most of them no longer had a connection and everyone was fed by rumors that the atmosphere was heating up. I assume that at the level of regimental commanders, even then they knew what would happen. Two days later, again, at night, we moved in a column to a new place, closer to the border, somewhere near Armyansk.

We slept in cars, patrolling intensely at night.On the night of 22 to

On February 23, there was information from the command that through

sabotage groups passed the border to us for the purpose of sabotage, the night was already tense for everyone, but the whole joke was that the ammunition was never given to us, and some like me were without the Warrior ... One of my comrades, taking this very seriously, invited everyone to wrap their hands to indicate their friend and with a laugh offered a password for the night - "Kherson is ours" (the phrase turned out to be prophetic).In the dark, each company stood at a distance from each other, that night it was rain and fog.

No one really understood what was going on, everyone was guessing.

On February 23, the division commander arrived and at the formation congratulated us on the holiday, announced that from tomorrow, the salary per day would be $ 69, the rate then was more than one hundred rubles and according to our estimates it was more than two hundred thousand a month, plus the usual salary, it was a clear sign that there would be something serious. After the construction, the fuss began with the issuance of ammunition, grenades and promidol, rumors spread that we would go to the assault on Kherson, it seemed to me nonsense.

No one knew what would happen tomorrow, someone said that we would defend the border of Crimea. Someone that we would go to Kiev and take it in three days, with such I immediately entered into an argument that in three days we would not take anything and that it would be just an ass, it seemed to me that no one would even give such an order and I did not like such a frivolous attitude to this from colleagues.  as if we would be attacked, and all the fuss to show our readiness, to somehow, we would be loaded on turntables and transferred to the LDNR, or we would be left on the border in reinforcement, and from the east the troops would enter the LDNR for a referendum.It was already clear that something was brewing, but there was no communication and access to the Internet for a long time.On this day I quarreled with the platoon commander and the company commander,  the situation was escalating, and I didn't even have a bulletproof vest.

I went to look for a combatant (his kingdom is heavenly).Lieutenant Colonel had a combination of command qualities that he could roar like a father and delve into the problem like a mother.

Finding him near the mortar battery, he once greeted his hand in a paternal way, said that I was a good guy that I had gone anyway, listened to my problem that there was no Ratnik and said that he had already ordered that in the evening they should bring them from the regiment to those who did not have them. He had long known about my conflicts with the company and offered to send me to the mortar battery, for some reason there was always, there was always a lack of people, with the commander of the mortar battery I crossed paths several times in the gym and he seemed to me not a bad officer, I agreed tired of conflicts, resigned that I could not change anything and wanting it to end quickly,  to quit soon.

Having received by the evening, when the bulletproof vest, helmet and backpack began to darken, I went to the KAMAZ mortars, approached its commander, who was already aware that I was seconded. I explained that I didn't think about mortars at all, but I would do whatever he said, the commander told me to be with the control platoon, pointed to their KAMAZ, I climbed there, there were five people there, the faces were familiar, they still served in the same battalion, immediately it got dark and the column began to line up again.

In general, on that day everything began to change, I noticed how people began to change, someone was nervous and tried not to communicate with anyone, some frankly read fear, someone on the contrary was unusually cheerful and cheerful, I had a strange feeling of humility at the same time with a slight feeling of enthusiasm, this is adrenaline.

The column began to move, rebuilding, the 82mm mortar of five guns, consisted of three KAMAZ and three Urals.

KAMAZ controls, five others have mortars, mines to them and about five men crewed guns.

On the move, the guys began to explain to me that the function of the control platoon was reconnaissance and adjustment of guns and that if something happened, we should still be behind for three kilometers to support the assault companies, then I thought that somehow I was rushing out, my company would be in the front, and I would hide behind it, because of my conflicts,  but immediately began to drive this thought, what will happen? There will be nothing, what a war, in the 21st century, at most we will stand somewhere and make a formidable appearance, but immediately

there were thoughts that everything somehow strangely turns out where we are going, recently everyone slept for five hours, literally living on the street, I fell asleep with the others in the back of a KAMAZ truck ...

00:00 24 February

In terms of distance, we probably drove a little, some fields, there was rain and mud at night, I woke up probably at two in the morning, the column lined up somewhere in the middle of nowhere along the railway in several rows, all the engines were turned off, the headlights were turned off, the command was to wind everyone's white bandages of their own or someone else's left hand, from somewhere they began to transmit to each other the sudden appearance of painter's tape.

While still leaving the test site on February 19, horizontal white stripes were applied to the vehicles.

On the evening of February 23, a command came to the drivers to finish drawing a strip at the exit, a tick turned out, now standing somewhere near the railway in complete darkness and wrapping the left arm and right leg, the drivers were ordered to draw another strip on the cars, it turned out Z.

While there were arms and legs, talking and smoking near the densely standing cars, the guys from the next car with the gun began to talk to me to join them, on their gun three people instead of five, their platoon, a young lieutenant, came up in the dark, said that there were not enough hands, let's say to us, I took my RP and helmet, went to the neighboring Urals,  thinking that maybe I'll be there on the case, one fuck in the mortars I don't mess anything up.

Throwing a backpack and helmet into the back, I began to climb over the closed side in complete darkness. Climbing over the side, I caught the magazines on the bulletproof vest, the pants prevented me from lifting my leg higher, as if on the vise, leaning the armor on the side of the Urals, I fall into the body with my head forward and immediately a scream bursts out of pain, from the eye in the dark as if the light flashed ...

I can not understand anything, already being in the body I hold my hand to the eye, I feel something wet and severe pain ...

It's dark all around, someone in the back is trying to chirp a lighter and shine a lighter on my face, I put my hand away and try to understand seeing with two eyes or one. The one who shines in my face exclaims "Oh, fuck!"

I immediately ask him, do I have an eye in place? He shines and says "Remove your hands, I will not understand!", I look that there is blood on my hand and I feel that the hot is flowing down my face.It turned out that the eye is intact, but I tore the upper and lower eyelids of the right eye.Looking around under the weak light in the body, I understand that I flew my eye over the handle of the army thermal barrel under the glutton, with anger I kick the barrel, looking around I see a young mortar guy, everything is littered with boxes of mines,  mortar, tripod, bussol. I will have to go in the back on boxes of mines, oh, I think that I need all this at the age of 33, there were not enough adventures in the Caucasus, it would be better to sit silently in my company, well though the eye did not knock out, smoked getting acquainted and fell asleep again ...

At about 4:00 in the morning I open my eyes again, I hear the rumble, the hum, the vibration of the earth, I feel the pungent smell of gunpowder in the air, I look out of the body, throwing back the awning I see that the sky became bright from the volleys, illuminating in the dark the clouds, smoke, to the right and left of our column rocket artillery was working, powerful volleys from long-range guns were heard somewhere, as it seemed behind us,  the air was filled with anxiety and vibrations, sleep immediately flew away, it was not clear what was happening, who was shooting from where and to whom, as well as fatigue from lack of food, water and sleep disappeared. A minute later, after lighting a cigarette to wake up, I realize that the fire is being conducted to the side in front of the face of our column, 10-20 kilometers ahead, everyone around began to wake up and smoke, there was a quiet murmur-"began". I guess we have a plan...

I smoked a cigarette and digesting what I see, I felt a rush of adrenaline with a charge of vivacity, an unusual clarity and clarity of thought and an alarming realization that there would be no scenario for CrimeaOur, there was a clear premonition of the "pussy". I couldn't fully understand what was going on, were we firing at the advancing Ukrainians? Maybe NATO? Or are we attacking?

Who is this hellish shelling being waged on? Where did the rocket artillery come from?Referendum in the LDNR?Capture of Kherson?We were attacked by Ukraine?NATO helps it?

We have a plan for anybody.

The army is so arranged that there is no one to ask questions there, and it seems that the orders to the command come on the go, in stages, no one will explain anything to me, I can only throw a weapon and run somewhere back and become a coward, or go after everyone, the higher the position, the more you know, my level of a paratrooper is a contractor, this is the level of a stallion who is led to castration.

Once, as I was already a hovirid, I was a horse trainer, it seems that I did not even succeed badly in this, but then I probably went crazy and decided to join the army again.

Once, my friend and I bought a dozen wild, young stallions intended for meat, we decided that since they were going to die at a meat processing plant, it would be better for us to buy them at the price of meat, castrate them, not much to train and sell. It turns out that the stallions will continue to live, and we will be able to make money on it. Despite the fact that we both did not like it and we sincerely sympathized with the stallions, we still did this dirty deed, like we chose the lesser of two evils, so we justified ourselves.So, in order to castrate wild stallions, they had to be at least not much trained, given to put on a headband and walk in the hands of a person,  stallions were already hefty two-year-olds and simply could not take them by force, they had to go to all sorts of tricks with a huge risk to their health. When the stallion was already walking after you and letting you put on a headband, we led him into the corral and instead of the usual treat at the end, tied, felled and cut off his eggs ...

The stallion had no idea that he was going to go to this procedure now, he was used to being told to go there, he gets used to what is better to go, no one will get you, it is better to agree, and then they will also give you sugar.So that's the same and the army for the contractor, go there, go there, well done, well, go there now and at one point it will lead you to the pussy,  thee

trained. You're not supposed to know anything, just do it. Now I understand that I was used, just as I once used horses, somewhere by cunning (media and patriotism),

somewhere by force (law and punishment), sugar (salary), somewhere by praise (awards and titles).Somewhere at the top there is a certain uncle who is smarter, stronger and knows more. He uses the same tools I used with horses to "educate what I need." The only question is what goals he pursues, chooses the lesser of two evils, earns money as a hired veterinarian performing the procedure or to make the horses more obedient, or maybe he is just a sadist?

The column perked up noticeably and began to move forward slowly, I saw my company drive past me forward and felt a strange feeling that despite leaving it without hesitation yesterday, now in a moment of danger and uncertainty I would rather be with them, like a horse that would prefer to stick to its herd, are we not so different... Perhaps to some all this will seem nonsense, but I want to recount everything frankly and without hiding the emotions and thoughts that I experienced then.

We passed Armyansk, there was turmoil in the city, shells flew over it towards Ukraine and a huge column was now moving through it, the VAI and the traffic police blocked the roads so that random civilians did not interfere with it, through the tende thrown back in the Urals, I saw houses in which the light was already burning, and people looked out the windows and balconies of five-story buildings, suddenly we stopped abruptly crashing into something.  as it turned out in the Urals where I was driving there were no brakes and when the car stopped abruptly in front of the driver, he decided to go to the right crashing into the fence, the war will write everything off, who will pay attention to the fence when the missiles flew. Nearby, then overtaking then lagging behind, the UAZ of the assault battalion and the parachute BMDshki were moving, when the UAZ of my company were already in front and closer to the border passing Armyansk, on the left there was a forest, and on the right of the field, I heard the shooting and

explosions in the direction where we eat, at that moment I regretted that I agreed to be assigned to a mortar, where I do not have any emotional connection with people and we do not know much, and this unit is assigned as it seemed to me a secondary role, from the fucking body, you can only see what is behind, and what if my company is now in the "ass",  Where are we going?I want to go forward, adrenaline and a light mandrake play in me, but at the same time I do not understand anything.Combat aircraft began to fly forward above us, behind them attack helicopters, explosions were heard ahead, air with the smell of gunpowder. This picture was at the same time fascinatingly frightening and alarmingly beautiful.It was already dawn, perhaps six o'clock, the sun was bright on the spring and began to warm up after the night vile sputum and rain, I saw at the same time a dozen helicopters, a dozen planes, BMDs flew across the field on the right and from somewhere tanks appeared, hundreds of units of equipment with flags of the Airborne Forces and the Russian Federation and this is only that,  what I could grasp with my gaze with a broken and blood-stained eye, from the back of a fucking Ural without brakes.

What is happening, this thought swirled in my head simultaneously with admiration, bewilderment and anxiety.The feelings of the pack, this great power of which you are an intoxicating part, but where we rush under these volleys and what is happening is not clear.

My Urals slowly crossed the broken border post of the Crimea-Ukraine customs, the column began to slow down, then stop, then again gaining speed, I saw cars that were smoking or shot, passing the border I saw how a platoon from the assault battalion dispersed, their UAZ stood on the edges of the road, they held the border post while we passed it, noticed blood, did not see corpses, perhaps already removed, on the right in the field tracked vehicles crossed the border on the field,  I noticed how one huge stream of equipment began to be divided into smaller ones, going further and further into the field on the right, after passing the post, signs appeared, inscriptions in Ukrainian, flags of Ukraine, I had a new feeling, a feeling that I was not

fucking don't understand, the feeling that all this around is more real than the real, but at the same time as in a dream. No video will convey all this, especially where the most interesting thing is, there are no reporters, and eyewitnesses are not up to shooting videos. Immediately behind the post there is a shot gas station burning, here the armored personnel carriers of our scouts walked ahead, here someone went to the other world, now and then abandoned or destroyed cars are on the road.Colona constantly stops, then accelerates again, UAZ of my company then overtake us, then lag behind, cars move then in two or three rows, windy mills appear on the right, a beautiful view of the fields,  the weather is like the beginning of April, the volleys of artillery have subsided, I begin to see the places of arrival of shells and pieces of MLRS missiles, it seems that they were shooting at nowhere, but maybe the enemy was there and he withdrew.

Our convoy left the highway to the right, for the driver to the left, constantly when the column stops, I stand in the back and look ahead, as soon as the column unpredictably starts moving again, I have to abruptly return to the body and sit on a box with mines that jump in the body and do not add confidence in the future, the road becomes worse and worse,  boxes of mines on the body are galloping more and more, I like to be a mortar man becoming smaller and smaller.The width of the column then decreases, then increases again, the roads go from unpaved, again to asphalt.The leadership in front of the column periodically stops, apparently waiting for the next coordinates, now we move further to the west. Occasionally, assault helicopters and planes are visible, then returning, then again retreating into the depths of Ukraine.

Suddenly, we abruptly stop on some deserted road, the command "to battle!" comes, we all abruptly, but not skillfully, get out of the cars and run along the sides of the road taking positions to the battle, who is on a knee, who is lying down, and someone stupidly stands because in the padla to get dirty, it is good that the team is false, otherwise a well-trained opponent would have shaken us well with such training.

Here is the first settlement, we rush with great speed along a good, asphalted road through it, near some hangars I see a group of men, they show that these are ordinary farmer hard workers who are dissatisfied with how this morning began, but keep their distance, the fighters of our column also wonder where and why we eat, this can be seen in tired and somewhat confused faces,  Jump out of the car throwing the gun and exclaiming "I won't budge until all this is explained to me!?"

Everyone goes silently "ohoo", surely we have some kind of plan! As we flew through this village except for the puzzled bunch of men, I saw several old men, they came out and greeted us with the banner of the cross, a double feeling, toli escorted us to the other world, toli blessed ...

While driving through this village, I was surprised that these villages were pleasing to the eye, despite the now hostile, often found flags of Ukraine or fences painted in the colors of yellow-block fences ...

We drove through several other similar villages with sullen clappers and solitary old men baptizing our column.

All this time I was driving with a cartridge in the chamber of the machine gun and was to shoot at anyone who was dangerous, where, why and why we were eating it was not clear, it was clear that everything was now very serious, obviously a real war had begun.

We passed some hangars, slowly, at a minimum speed, crawled along some seemingly abandoned hangars, something like Soviet cowsheds, between which I saw a stretched camouflage net and a military KAMAZ of the KSHM type, there was an unusual tower, an inner feeling told me the danger and I wanted to open fire in that direction to attract the attention of others, logic said that there were reconnaissance armored personnel carriers and UAZ attack aircraft ahead and if they did not notice the strangeness,  But I was wrong again, logic and the modern army of the Russian Federation are not compatible, as soon as the Urals moved away from this place, indiscriminate shooting began,

the column began to stop and prepare for battle, because I became a "mortar man", then, along with the others, quickly jumped out of the truck and we began to prepare for battle pulling out mortars and mines, right around the corner of the building behind which I saw a strange KAMAZ, after just a minute the order came to turn, the shooting continued, we threw mortars and flew further in a column of trucks and UAZ along the road 300 meters,  immediately again the command "to battle!", again jump out of the trucks, taking out mortars and mines, we begin to prepare them for shooting, you hear the fire, I see that everyone is shooting from small arms and Utyosov in the direction where I saw a KAMAZ not like ours, having made mortars for battle, the commander yells that it is necessary to put them a hundred meters further, we grab mortars and mines and run in the direction indicated by him,  I run drenched in sweat, holding in each hand parplets with mines "heavy fuck, fuck me this mortar!", while I run, I see in front of us an earthen rampart behind which another assault company, taking cover fire in the direction of a strange KAMAZ, while running in their direction near us there were splashes, the grass was mowing and the whistle of bullets nearby was heard, it is clear that the bullets were lying next to us,  the rest of the young guys from the mortar, as it seemed to me, did not understand this, until I began to shout "bend down, these bullets are lying next to me!", from where they were shooting, I did not understand, immediately I had to run back again for "variable charges", I did not know how to collect the mortar and decided that I would have to carry it, at least some benefit, until again I ran with mines from the truck to the crew,  again I cursed that I got into the mortar, I don't fucking think about it, so running with such loads under fire kills the breather immediately, the weather was beautiful and warm, sweat poured from me in a stream while running, again nearby I saw splashes from bullets, this beautiful fine day, I remembered that I myself a couple of days ago joked that if there was a war,  then they would rather shoot their own than the crests. The commander from behind, about a hundred meters pointed the busol, giving the coordinates to the tower, I lay down and turned back in his direction, pointed the machine gun in the direction of the hangars behind him, there was information that there was also an enemy, saw that in those

The hangars ran forward from our column. Our attack helicopters began to circle above us, they fired missiles, but somewhere in the other direction, which I did not see there, after that they came over us several times, probably figuring out what was happening.At the same moment, behind a hundred meters from the commander with a bussol giving coordinates, something exploded, it seems it was a barrel, confused how to attract attention, but realizing that he did not notice it,  because of the fire around, I screamed

"Mines!", some turned but there were no more explosions, while we pointed the mortars at the coordinates and waited for permission to open fire, the tower next to the KAMAZ was shot from the Utyos installed on the UAZ, it began to burn, from there they took prisoners, I did not understand how many, from one to three, in a day I will get acquainted with one of them.  I was sure that the bullets lying nearby, as well as the explosion of the grenade behind the commander, were their own, the column stopped and began to fire from three sides, at us there were arrivals of those who fired three hundred meters from the other side, the "enemy" was in the middle.

There I lost sight of my company, it turned around somewhere and went to other routes, I heard that they were going to storm the bridge across the Dnieper to Kherson, we should also go there, by another route, but did not reach it on time.

By about noon, the column was in the sands of a coniferous forest, in the Kherson reserve, it reminded me very much of the Kamyshin nursery, which I knew so well...

In these sands, we prepared for battle several more times, gunfire was heard, the column stretched and where someone shot at someone, I do not know the details.

Helicopters and airplanes, as we delved into the territory of the Kherson region, were less and less common.

The equipment began to break down and was simply abandoned on the road, and its crews sat down with others.

By 13 o'clock we drove out to a huge field, behind were sandy coniferous forests, ahead was a huge field with already or still green grass, the condition probably everyone was already in order.

Moving through this huge field, our trucks got bogged down in the mud on it, there was a kind of inconspicuous lowland, where the snow had long melted but the water in the ground had not dried up and there was an inconspicuous swamp at once.

Some of the UAZs broke forward due to their lightness and drove forward, our trucks got bogged down, some remained in the protection of the column, several reconnaissance armored personnel carriers, some BMDs seconded from the 7th Division of the KSHM, shells and BMD 4, there was some incomprehensible hodgepodge to me. In general, as it seemed to me, there were 300 people there, but most of the 7th Airborne Division, another 300 people were ahead, the column was divided. The BMDs began to pull up and try to pull the trucks out, while getting bogged down in the mud themselves.

That one car will be pulled out, the other is already stuck in its place.Stuck medical armored vehicle Lensa, the only modern equipment not counting BMD 4 and Shells in our column.It was obvious that to the left and right along the edges of the field you can drive, but everything is like idols stuck in the same place ...

Looking at all this for 30 minutes, I became nervous, a huge column in the middle of an open field, hills on the left in a kilometer, a forest on the right in a kilometer, a column has been standing in the middle of this field for half an hour, this is just an ideal target.If the enemy notices us and is nearby, then we have a "pussy", an ideal target for artillery or aviation.  going from one to the other, I learn what almost everyone is aware of, the order to go to Kherson, to seize the bridge across the Dnieper.

It became clear that we attacked Ukraine...

While we were driving, despite the fact that there was gunfire and the rare, single light military equipment of the Armed Forces of Ukraine was destroyed, and the aviation was working somewhere, so far there has been no serious resistance.

We are standing in a field and no one can decide that the trucks should be abandoned, some of our guys went forward, it became clear to me that we were using the effect of surprise, the main forces went the other way, and the Airborne Forces set the task to do

an imperceptible maneuver and through the fields and forests, to go to the bridge and seize it creating a bridgehead for the main forces.It was obvious that any delay now is a crime, because of this now we are not enough somewhere, we may not be in the right place, where they are counting on us now according to the plan, we will not be because no one can decide to abandon the stuck trucks.The situation was aggravated by the fact that the situation was aggravated by the fact that  that there was fighting ahead on the right and left, it was audible who was unknown and with whom, and a huge column stands tightly in the open area and does not occupy the defenses.

It's been 2 hours.

There was nothing to drink, to eat too, although I did not want to eat.

On the left behind the hill, the pace of the battle increased, something was burning, sometimes something exploded, there were artillery arrivals there, I took binoculars from the commander and tried to see something there to no avail, sitting with my knees on the ground.I was already all dirty and covered with road dust, like almost everyone else, and wet thermal underwear did not add comfort.

Behind the hill where the battle was going on, white and red rocket launchers began to appear...

I did not know the established signals and began to walk from car to car and show everyone there, ask what it meant, no one could answer.I began to go from officer to officer and ask, pointing in that direction.In general, the atmosphere was strange, everyone was already tired, everyone saw and heard the same thing, but either people no longer had the strength (some slept in cars),  From behind came the armored personnel carriers of scouts, they pulled out stuck cars in the sands of the forest behind us, I went to them to smoke with them and find out something.These guys were more interested in what was happening around and they were more cheerful, no wonder reconnaissance is considered more combat-ready than assault and parachute battalions, the people there are mostly ideological.While I smoked with them,  I found out that we already had wounded and killed, one guy they brought from the sands, bullet 7.62 entered from behind between the shoulder blades and piercing the armor killed him. Died of Ukrainian or Ukrainian

Despite the fact that they had just arrived, I begin to resent the mess in front of them, they shared my opinion, already happier from the fact that not everyone

"", began to point to the hill and talk about the flares from there, the shooting there subsided and the smoke from the burning equipment fell, they decided that they would go to see, comb the hill, suddenly there was an enemy. Learning from them who was the senior in the column, I went to the lieutenant colonel, finding him near other stuck cars that also climbed out to pull out the trucks and got bogged down themselves.

The subfield stood with a group of people who the officer was now unclear, almost all were wearing Ratnik masks, respectively without insignia. Approaching him I said "Comrade Colonel, there is a battle going on behind the hill, two maximum three kilometers, flares and smokes were fired, red and white, what do these signals mean, maybe we need help there or khokhla!?"

He looked at me somehow strangely, but expressively, maybe digested who I was at all, his face was tired, there were drops of blood on the uniform, probably he helped the wounded, definitely the blood was not his.After a pause looking into my eyes, then on the hill he replied "I fuck him knows what it means, get out of here you need to fuck!"

He further began to confer on what, with the officers, I wandered away from this theater of war to my car, as I already realized no one else had a connection, just as we do not know the fate of those who went forward, those whom we had to catch up with, there was fire and periodically explosions ahead, who was there and with whom it is not clear,  the distance is also not clear, according to rumors we should be near Kherson, and while walking back I saw how two armored personnel carriers of our scouts climbed the slope to the hill. Reaching his Urals, stopping along the way and exchanging rumors with everyone. Someone sleeps in cars, someone wanders from one crew to another, the view of everyone is tired and somewhat confused. Then a fighter flew low over us, whose it was ours or not, no one understood, the command had no communications.

I went further from the cars by 150 meters, sat on my knees putting a machine gun on them, if there is a shelling then it is better to be away from the cars, looking around I understand that even the posts of observers and protection of the column, which stood in the middle of the field, have not yet been exposed, the distance between the cars was sometimes almost at point-blank range, if now artillery or aviation "vie" at us,  then all this crowd will turn into a lot of 200 and 300 .I continued to sit on my knees, smoke and look around, the weather was beautiful, as if spring, the time is about 17:00 and the sun has already set, February 24, 2022, the feeling was exciting, I remembered about my mother in Krasnodar, my sister in Moscow, I began to sort through in the head of my ex-girlfriends, I am still not married and do not have children,  for some reason there was a lump in my throat.

The last ten years I worked with horses, it seemed that somehow it was not bad, but the money earned was not enough to save for housing, I wanted to walk and dress up, and not having my own housing, at the age of 32 I decided that I would go back to the army, take a military mortgage, the years fly, I need to become more serious and think about the future.As a result, my salary is less than thirty thousand and there is not the slightest desire to serve in such an army. who knew me closely that my problem is that I am a truth-teller, proud, stubborn and idealist, that I want everything around to be perfect, but it does not happen.Maybe they are right, even in the army I came and for the whole command stood like a bone in the throat, constantly swinging rights, my colleagues told me that complaints to the Ministry of Defense do not lead to anything,  that the system will not break, it will be able to kill you and spit you out.In the end, they were right, except for spoiled relations with commanders, nothing has changed.

Maybe now also, well, there is no connection, sometimes, everyone is tired, just as I do not understand what is happening. Did not put up a guard, maybe they have information that on the flanks of other units.Maybe everything is really not so bad and I just drive. I understood that something global was happening, but what exactly is not known, a variety of thoughts were spinning in my head, could we not just attack Ukraine, maybe NATO can really

The Ukrainians attacked together with NATO, maybe in the Far East too, if America got into a war with us, then the scale will be huge, then surely someone will use them, phew, nonsense of some kind ... the way out is either to throw away weapons and go back towards the Crimea, or to do what they say and not to think of themselves fucking understand that, one fuck now I will not learn anything.

From the column began to drive away UAZ on the flanks, they still put up something like protection, some of the cars mostly BMD went forward again, "this is a pussy, I fucking knew that all this mess that was in peacetime, will lead to a pussy in the war, on fucking I went to this army!? I was not even happy about the annexation of Crimea, I was against porridge in the LDNR, I believed that we did not need Syria for horseradish, and now I do not understand where, under this incompetent leadership. Surely the guy was knocked down by some donkey in the back by accident, as I was almost shot in the morning by my own, I already knew that one today broke his leg incomprehensibly as turning the gun on the BMD, another drove a caterpillar on the leg, this army does not need the enemy, it will destroy itself. "

I got up and walked about 250 meters from me started to gather, fuck, they also arranged a formation, in the middle of the field, when there is fighting around, an artillery division was being built to which I now like

"mortar man" belonged. The commander of the artillery division, although he greeted me squinting at my baked eye, before we communicated well with him, after my ill-fated complaint to the Ministry of Defense, he also tried to stay away from me.Building with everyone, thoughts swirled in my head what kind of nonsense it was, I began to remember my father who died early, how all childhood up to 15 years passed in 56DShP,  now after 17 years everything has changed so much, I saw nothing in common with the Airborne Forces from the past and the Airborne Forces of the present, people have become different, the gloss has been lost, the light in the eyes has disappeared, now I serve in the 56DShP, but for me only the name remains of it.

The commander tried to cheer everyone up, he said that there was no connection, fuck understand what was happening, but the main thing is not to "suck", now we will go further, we leave the equipment stuck (I would have been asked earlier), everyone be ready for battle, break through to our departed forwards, they are waiting for us but there is also no connection with them, ambushes of sabotage groups of the Armed Forces of Ukraine are expected ahead. He said it with feigned bravery, but in his eyes I could see that he too was a "wahue."

But well done that at least clarified something to people.

It was already getting dark, as we dispersed to the cars, I finally had the puzzles of the picture that two companies of the assault battalion had initially gone forward along with my battalion, my company had turned for a long time somewhere along the way and had to go also to the bridge but another way, the regimental commander with BMDs, recently went after them because they did not get in touch,  we had to catch up and also be on the bridge, initially our entire regiment reinforced by units from the 7th Airborne Division, was to arrive there entirely by lunchtime, entrench ourselves on the bridge and enter Kherson.

Already in the darkness, the column began to move again, leaving some of the bogged down equipment behind, while driving, I sat with a young mortar man in the "Ural without brakes", on boxes of mines, making machine guns for battle, thinking about my company and those in front, there is any "cutter", I was not clever that I did not take off, there are no close friends to me,  but if they pussy and I left them because of their scandalous nature. Some people poked me in the company "where is ours, veteran", I was offended then, but now a veteran comes out in the rear, and the company in the "pussy cutter", here on this powder keg, if we are ambushed, also in the dark against a competent enemy, then surely we "pussy", no one had any jokes, everyone suddenly matured and became more serious, slowly driving thirty minutes ahead the column stopped,  we stood for about an hour. It was completely dark to pass the command that we stand here before dawn, turn off the engines, wait for the enemy attack, the headlights did not turn on, in the open area the column lined up as in a shooting gallery. I had a nasty realization that in the event of an attack by an experienced enemy on us at night, the chances were there.

we are few, especially since I am in the Urals with mines. In the column there were thirty cars, trucks, UAZ, 2 armored personnel carriers, several BMD2 and BMD4 and KSHM Shells. It is enough to blow up armored vehicles, which will not withstand even an RPG, I am generally silent about the Javelins, and then pour a column of machine guns, in the dark with prosoni we will not understand who is shooting from where.

We decided to sleep, me with a guy in the back, the guys gave me someone's sleeping bag, two who were riding in the cabin sleep there, together there are four of us, we are a mortar crew, from every three cars two people patrol, that is, the column was patrolled at night by 20 people. We didn't eat anything, we fell asleep about 23, it started to drizzle.

February 25

It seemed that we had just fallen asleep, we were already awakened by a patrol to be replaced, it was 2:00, while we slept frozen to the bone. Gunfire and explosions can be heard in the distance. We patrol in complete darkness, intensively walk to somehow warm up.Everyone became as if closer to each other, the officers became easier.

After an hour we will have a shift, again wrap up in a sleeping bag and freeze to sleep. Somewhere at 5 in the morning everyone wakes up, we are preparing to move out, everyone is ready anyway, no one undressed and did not lie in bed, everyone "slept" in their muffled cars, did not see anyone who at least took off their shoes, it is not clear that we are waiting and again we eat at dawn. The cars are passed on so that everyone is ready for ambushes. Ahead are the reconnaissance APCs, the rest of the vehicles are a little behind. The mood became more cheerful, I was surprised that no one attacked us at night, given our vulnerable position, this meant that things were not so bad and in the Armed Forces of Ukraine either things were really even worse than ours, or we were now falling into a trap.

The column crawls on shallow country and dirt roads, again one of the trucks is bogged down, because of the congestion the truck sat in the sand on the rise, we begin to overload the mines from it.

I carry heavy boxes with the rest (we are already exhausted) and grumble that it would be better to abandon the car and hurry to our own, because again we lose time, the officer standing next to me (an old acquaintance) smiling teases me "So you write a complaint to the Ministry of Defense" and stands watching with a tired look waiting for my reaction. I stopped and turned to him and gave a speech about the fact that if everyone did as I did, and not engaged in photo reports, useless formations and workers, instead of learning something and engaged in real combat training, then we would not be in such an ass now, without communication and a bunch of equipment unable to get to Kherson.

He looked away from me, pretending that there was something more interesting somewhere, he didn't understand what it meant, that he didn't want to talk or that he agreed with me. By military discipline, I have no right to talk to him like that at all, so I silently continued to overload the boxes.

An hour later, the unloaded truck was able to pull out of the sand. Colona drove onto the paved road and stood up again.I cursed everything around, we were standing in the perfect place for an ambush, on both sides of the thickets.

I jumped out of the "Ural without brakes" and began to smoke wandering along the column, next to the "Ural without brakes", there was a BTR82 scouts, casting a glance at them it seemed to me that I did not know any of them, the regiment only recently formed not everyone knew each other, and given that the Reconnaissance Battalion of the 7th Division is now seconded to us, then not finding familiar faces decided that the APC from there,  Walked silently by, sweetly smoking one of the last cigarettes, someone from the APC cheerfully shouted to me "Che don't you say hello!?" looking at the applicant, I understand that this is a young lieutenant who conducted my initial airborne training, despite the fact that he was much younger than me, he was one of the few young officers whom I truly respected, sometimes met him at the stadium,  he ran very well, perhaps the best in the regiment. The higher command has not yet had time to discourage him from serving and he

transferred to the reconnaissance company, which I failed, again thanks to my relationship with the company and the fucking idea to complain to the Ministry of Defense in order to break the rotten system.

We stood talking about nothing and everything, smiling at each other. I noticed that from now on everyone suddenly began to call each other brothers more and more often and seeing acquaintances warmer and more joyful to communicate. Suddenly, the commander of the regiment appeared, he walked and looked for where to shift the wounded, at night he met him on patrol and despite the past conflicts between us because of my incident, while he was lying in the hospital with pneumonia, we did not have a bad conversation about what was happening, seeing that in the back of our "Ural without brakes" there are only two people and the body is "smoothly" laid with boxes with mines on which you can put the wounded on a stretcher,  chose our car.

Putting the guy in delirium on the boxes, the starter climbed into the back, gave him an injection, wrapped him in foil and covered with a sleeping bag, told us to watch and if bleeding began, pull the tourniquet.It seems that this was the guy who broke his leg by turning the gun on the BMD, he lay down and moaned very quietly, periodically checking whether he was bleeding, he constantly said that he was cold,  As one man told me later, this guy died, instead of evacuating him to the hospital to the hospital to beautiful and caring nurses, we drove him further and further behind enemy lines in boxes with mines in the "Ural without brakes".All the way with a young mortar man we sat at the edge of the body on boxes with mines,  As I already understood, in the event of a clash, our task is to abruptly unload the mortars, set them up, aim at coordinates and fire supporting the infantry. Mortars of 82 mm with a maximum range of up to 4 km and no one has yet fired from them, they were only issued batteries, before that they worked with 120 mm. Brilliant, as always at the last moment, they will sort it out on the go.

We drove through terrible roads, some cottages, greenhouses, villages.

In the settlements, we were met by rare people and escorted with a sullen look. Over some houses, it seemed that Ukrainian flags were developing demonstratively, these flags were conspicuous and caused mixed feelings of respect for the brave patriotism of these people and a feeling that these colors now belong to the enemy and by this these people so demonstrated that they are not happy with us. There was a sense of anxiety and a sense of danger from these houses, at the same time as a sense of respect for their patriotism, I understood that if suddenly from one of the houses passed by our column, it seemed dangerous to me, then I would shoot without thinking, not attentiveness or delay - my death or comrades' death, doubts are dangerous. But at the same time, I did not want to kill anyone, there was no doubt that I would do it if necessary or threatened me or my comrades, but I wanted everything to go without bloodshed. I still did not understand what awaits us next, what is the situation?What is happening in the world?Who attacked whom?Why do we need Kherson?What about those who left last night ahead?Fucking I hit the mortar?

We left for the track at 8:00 a.m., drove a little and slowly along it and began to meet our aptres, tigers... shouting to the unfamiliar tigers, who were not in 56 "Men, where are you from!?" in response they shouted "11 brigade!Where are you from?"  Slowly passing on, I saw a knocked out APC that drove off the highway, then still knocked out, shot military vehicles or burned, abandoned trucks with howitzers, some with bullet holes, some not clear to whom, the color of howitzers is not ordinary, some cars are green like ours,

some strange incomprehensible color, on the road glass, blood, scorched traces, dirt, shell casings, in the air the smell of blood and battle, there is still smoke from some of them, although it seems that on some of them you can see Z on the sides, but a small z, you can see that the equipment was moving in the other direction, on the move thinking that it was ours who shot the column of the Armed Forces of Ukraine traveling from Kherson,  but on the horseradish of the APU drawn, small letters Z on the sides of their equipment or is it our technique?

Later there were rumors that ours destroyed their own column at night, even later lying in the ward of the ophthalmological department of the hospital of Sevastopol, with a small stooped conscript who said that he was an artilleryman, for the first time during the war they were ambushed at night and their colon fell under the fire of their own, most ran through the forests along the road, the Kherson Reserve, not understanding what was happening ...

Immediately UAZ line up next to the column, I understand that these are UAZ of my company, our column also stops nearby, I jump out of the "Ural without brakes" and go to my guys. Approaching them I understand that they have a kind of stunned look, walking from car to car and asking about how things are going, everyone answers me incomprehensibly: "Fuck, it's a pussy", "We fucked up all night, eat smoking?", "I'm in a gash, you have an eye what?", "I collected corpses from the road, there are brains left on the asphalt", "Give me a cigarette,  we're done, and who's you?"

"Hello, where have you been, let me smoke?!", I meet with my eyes with one sergeant, he is even older than me I decide to pass by, now not to conflicts, in 2014 on the first day of the war he was wounded, for which he immediately received the Order of Courage, he loved to tell not fired what a professional he was, it was usually funny for me to listen to his stories and I listened silently with a smile,  but on February 22, telling the guys around the fire how his brigade cut out the Khokhlov as kittens in some village or how their company destroyed the regiment of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, I began to boil, realizing the danger of such "fire towers" and began to get into an argument, asking questions that were not convenient for him, for a day our relations were destroyed and it was clear that he had already fallen to the ground. I walked further from car to car of the company, saying hello and genuinely happy to see the guys, in order to find out if we had any losses I was told that the young lieutenant, the one who was for the platoon, with whom I quarreled and from the unit because of which I now on the first day of the war in the new unit, this lieutenant disappeared, later it turned out that he sat down and left with the battalion and two companies forward,  what is now unknown to them, it seems to them

"pussy"...

Everyone looked exhausted, but more and more often everyone began to call each other "Brother".

Civilian cars constantly passed by us, maneuvering between vehicles, taxis, ambulances, some cars looked suspicious, but no one paid attention to civilians, only sometimes stopping and shooting cigarettes at passers-by.

Why my company didn't go where the assault battalion commander with two companies went and my 6th assault company was standing here, I never understood.

One more literate guy from the company shared the news with me as follows: "Pasha, this pussy, it seems that the company blunted, did not lead us where we needed, we got lost, but by doing so he saved us all, Kombat looks like a "pussy" with two companies, in the morning there was a regimental commander here, he prescribed to the company in front of everyone, and you generally where you were, give a cigarette!".

After wandering along the convoy, I talked to other guys from the 11th DShB and from the Special Forces of the Marine Corps there were few of them, but these units had Tiger armored vehicles.

The only thing that I realized was that the company received a baptism of fire and it is good that it seems that everyone is intact in it, although it is strange, according to the stories there was a battle all night, as they say, three sides participated in the shootout, ours, the Ukrainians and who knows who the third, but so that there were no losses after the battle that lasted all night, this is just something unreal. The command came "on the cars" and trying to digest the collected information, I began to climb into the body of the "Ural without brakes", just so as not to break the second eye. The wounded man was taken from the back of the truck and carried away somewhere.

It turns out that things don't seem to be so bad here. Now we are building a column on the track in several rows.

A fellow soldier from a mortar came up to us and handed us water in half and a half and two dry. Last day we did not eat, drunk, opened one drypai, took a canned food and began to chew it coldly, it seemed that we did not really want to eat, the slight excitement from adrenaline interrupted hunger, because it was clear

that now we are going to go to Kherson again, there will certainly be clashes.

Civilians walked past the convoy along the highway with bags, obviously those who were running away from the war, basically everyone went and went from Kherson, from where we were now preparing to move. I felt sorry for these people and at the same time I was infuriated and nervous that the cars, without checking, passed through the column because of what interfered with its construction, because it was already clear that this was a war and no one met us with open arms, among these people there are certainly military, at any time they can transfer our coordinates for artillery,  aviation or UAV, then a closely built column on the "pussy" route.

I was struck by a young guy in a civilian woman passing by us, who, unlike the others, was walking towards Kherson, I got up and shouted "Hey, come here?!". The guy approached frightenedly, he was about twenty years old in appearance, dirty large clothes, small stature, dark-skinned, you can see that he was not shaking much in front of me from fear, there was something alarming in him, I began to ask who he was and why he was going in that direction, he began to answer the tarator with a strong Ukrainian accent that somewhere there he worked on some vegetable base,  that because of the war, the owner told him that there would be no more work, that he lived in the Mykolaiv region and was now going home.

To me, all this seemed like some kind of nonsense, he did not inspire confidence and looked like a soldier in disguise who was sent on reconnaissance, or a deserter, I told him about it, he began to shake making excuses, stuttering and showing his plastic passport, he was really 20 years old.

We began to reassure him "Do not be afraid we will not do anything to you", but you do not go to Kherson now, it is better to go there after our column leaves, there was a feeling that there would now be a knead and it would be better for civilians not to get between the military. The guy kept saying that he had nothing to eat and so he had to go... We looked at a friend and gave him one of our suhpais, I told him to go off the road into the woods, make a fire and warm up, eat and then walk when we leave, he took suhpai and

went into the woods. It seemed to me that the guy was lying, but what if I was right and what should I do with him then, maybe he was really just a deserter who did not want to fight, there was no anger towards him, he didn't care, I didn't feel sorry for him much, some sense of guilt crept in that we invaded and destroyed the lives of all these people, and at the same time suddenly I'm right and he will come out to his own give the coordinates,  on the other hand, hundreds of cars with video recorders had already passed us by, and some openly filmed us through the glass on their phones, what a fool.

This fuss with the construction of the column continued somewhere until lunchtime, after which the column began to gain momentum and rushed at high speed in the direction of Kherson, we passed broken, burned or abandoned Ukrainian equipment, it was old Soviet equipment even worse than our armored personnel carriers, BRDM, GAZons, Urals, Old air defenses of the OSA type, there was an impression that helicopters had hit it in places,  and most of them were abandoned, or fired at with small arms, most likely by our guys who broke through, I wonder what happens to them now. A few times the column stops and we, on command for the battle, pour out on the edges of the road taking up positions, there is shooting in front, in the head of the column of armored personnel carriers of scouts, a crowd of ten people lie down next to me at point-blank range, I begin to yell at them so that they disperse and do not pile up, all some confused, yelling so that the weapons are not pointed at each other, one of them with a stupid look jokes,  "Oh, we have a professional!" immediately the driver of the "Ural without brakes" shoots next to me and blushes, apologizes to everyone that he accidentally, peering into the forest, there from the BMD in front someone landed several bursts of cannon from which the pillars of several trees flew into splinters, then in front of the column also someone somewhere gave queues in the forest, there was information that there was an enemy,  I lie peeking into the forest, the adrenaline goes through the roof, the weather is gray and cool, the forest in front of us looks gloomy and there is no fucking to see in it, someone nearby says that someone seems to have seen, after ten minutes again the team on the cars. Then a fork and signs to Kherson and Odessa, fly through my head

thought that all my life I dreamed of visiting Odessa, it always seemed to me that I would like it there, is it possible now that our troops are now so entering all regional cities, will hold referendums and join Russia, it made me laugh because I remembered the phrase "dreams come true", holding on a fly a gloomy forest to my right, sitting on a box with mines at the edge of the board.

"Ural without brakes", a teammate controlled the forest on the left. The column rushed at high speed, I saw several crashed civilian cars, our burned Tiger, also our Lynx, an RPG shot was fired into the front window, the car was abandoned, knocked out but not burned. I have thoughts about how we will storm Kherson, I do not think that the mayor of the city will come out with bread and salt, raise the flag of the Russian Federation over the administration building, and we will enter the city in a parade column, everything that I see the last two days does not look like the Crimean scenario. What's going on in the world? I hope our command will not think of entering the city in a column. As far as I heard, Kherson is a large city, if we go there in a column then we have a "pussy", Grozny was much smaller, do the mistakes of the past teach us nothing, I knew our level of preparation and organization and prepared for the worst, how bad things should be in the Ukrainian army, that our command decided that we would take this city in a hurry, especially since we had to take it yesterday,  yesterday there was a surprise effect on our side, but everything is as usual, in peacetime it is a mess, in wartime it has become even worse. I sat in armor and a helmet, worn glasses from the helmet on my eyes protected from dust from the road but prevented me from seeing clearly, ammunition is uncomfortable, a machine with a broken belt lock because of which I had to fix the end of the belt on the shampol, balaclava uncomfortable and cold, interferes with breathing, shoulders hurt from the straps of the bulletproof vest, I have not removed it for two days, the statutory ankles are not comfortable,  the legs in them are crisp and frozen, these blunt white bandages on the arm and leg are already darkened by dust and dirt, who even invented them, we play airsoft, in a fight at a distance no one will look at them. There are two cigarettes left in the pack, and almost

everyone around them has already run out. Okay, get ready, I'm sure we have some kind of plan!

It seems that somewhere nearby there should be a bridge across the Dnieper, suddenly we begin to slow down, the speed is low, then we stop, then we eat again, our military vehicles begin to fly past us in the opposite direction, but in the opposite direction, it is clear that the drivers press the gas into the floor, squeezing everything possible out of the equipment, I begin to see friends in passing cars, anxiety appears in my head,  I don't fucking understand, the whole column flies back on all pairs, we begin to turn around and fly at maximum speed back, we are overtaken by all those who could and as a result our trucks without protection catch up with the rest ...

"Pussy", what's going on there?!

The time is already 16:00, it is not fucking clear, it feels like we flew 50 kilometers in the opposite direction, the column again lines up and begins to turn into the forest on the sand breaking trees, in the forest 150 meters from the highway they begin to put equipment in the places indicated to them, people begin to get out of cars and exchange information shooting each other to smoke,  through the commanders they bring that Ukrainian hails were seen ahead, everyone is preparing for shelling, urgently dig as deep as possible, the cars have almost run out of fuel, communication problems, in a way that I do not understand, put the positions in a kind of circular defense, but where the mortars should stand is not yet clear, it seemed that each commander chose positions chaotically. Someone begins to dig trenches, someone does not understand where he is going, someone opens the suhpai and quickly tries to eat using the moment, who and how is directing this is not clear ...

My friend and I also decide to warm the sukhpai on the burner until the positions for our mortar are indicated to us, in fifteen minutes we warmed up and threw a hot porridge into ourselves, at this time someone from the minoimenka tells the sergeant major of the mortar, the warrant officer of Dagestan, that he did not eat for two days and did not know that we have suhpai and water, who in response yells that he is and out in that KAMAZ go take and eat at least everything at a time,  I silently eat sitting on

And watching this scene, it looks like they're just snapping at each other, realizing that you have to chew quickly while you can.

Having eaten and realizing that no one has cigarettes around and the positions for mortars have not yet been identified, I walk around the camp trying to find a smoke, while looking for familiar faces, but getting acquainted with everyone around whom I did not know. Another One I'm Talking To Someone I Meet

"Brother, let me have a cigarette," he stops, looks at me tiredly and says "Brother, I'm actually the commander of the division," while he takes out a cigarette and sips on me, takes a cigarette and lights a cigarette and says with a chucky look "sorry then, thank you for the cigarette." I really don't really care what his titles and position are, obviously he actually does too. Everyone walks around without signs of distinction. Considering that now we are expected to work out the enemy's Grads and it is obvious that then there will be many 200 and 300, we occupy a circular defense, our planes and helicopters have not been visible for a long time, there is no communication, we are in the rear for a hundred kilometers, everyone is tired and wants to sleep, but no one wants to die either, some dig trenches from the last forces pouring sweat ...

Sweetly smoking a cigarette, I walk around the "camp" in search of information and the desire to shoot more about the reserve, it turns out that we occupied a square of about a kilometer per kilometer, there are 500 of us here, the equipment is arranged chaotically, trenches and trenches are dug, soil-sand, I understand that trenches in the sand will definitely not save us from MLRS, but there are large coniferous trees above us, perhaps they will somehow help,  although if the missiles exploded against them, the fragments would still fly down taking 200 and 300. I walk around with a lump in my throat, realizing that I may not live until the morning and those whom I see around too, because of this they are all very happy to see, it seems like they do me.

Approaching one of the groups and again shooting a cigarette, they answer me that there is natsvai, well, now I am also glad, I throw green granules behind my lip, they relax me a lot and spitting saliva I stand and communicate with the guys, they tell me that they are from 11 brigades, that there are 50 of them left.

that it looks like they are the last of their brigade, the rest are probably not alive, their 11th brigade was thrown here by helicopter.

After listening to them in cold blood, I went on with a sense of resentment in my heart for our army, which was doing everything fucking, anything but real training and now in such a position, I was offended by the realization that I would probably die so ingloriously with these guys under the blows of MLRS and the counterattack of the Armed Forces of Ukraine or fuck who we are fighting,  with NATO? Who could destroy those who broke through?Where is the main force?

Where are the Armatas, the Sarmatians, the White Swans and all the other crap from the propaganda on TV?!. Then, already internally, I realized that death was near, but I was determined not to give up my life cheaply, despite this and having walked around the entire camp, I realized that here about half of my regiment, reinforced by the 7th Division, the 11th Brigade and a little special forces of the Marine Corps, it is not clear how we happened to be, i.e. almost all the paratroopers ...

I continued to walk around the camp with the idea that we had burned down our positions and the MLRS would 100% hit us, there would be more losses, if the sabotage groups of the Armed Forces of Ukraine approached at the same time attacking us after the shelling, then for us it would be just a "meat grinder", we are exhausted, we are not on our own land, we do not know the terrain, there is no communication, there is no support for aviation and artillery, those who rushed forward,  already seem to have been destroyed. Walking around the camp and looking for my company, I remembered my father, everything I knew about 56 in Yugoslavia, Chechnya 1 and 2 companies, hill 776 and 6 company, it looks like we will repeat their fate, mess corruption, lack of normal training and immediately in the cutter, in the war one in the field is not a warrior, success will depend only on the overall coherence,  Preparation and motivation, I understood that we had gaps with coherence and preparation, but walking and communicating with my brothers, I understood that we had motivation, despite the fact that we were doing badly, everyone resigned themselves to the fact that the paratroopers who left ahead most likely died, and this is about a thousand, I, apparently, and the rest agreed that perhaps they would have to die here. While walking and looking for my company with a lump in my throat and a grudge against all the fucking around me, at what it was like that.

ridiculously many of us can die, but the idea has finally taken root that despite the fact that I am against the War, for the Airborne Forces and all the paratroopers who gave their lives earlier, I will die, let it be a shame that our preparation was only on paper, but the glory of the Airborne Forces of the past, we have no right to tarnish, to die like this with music. If our brothers Ukrainians killed those who went forward, then everything is very serious and we need to fight to the end, we will not give our lives so easily. At this time, some bastard, sitting in the warmth and comfort chatting about the fact that he was now ashamed to be Russian (I found out this on his return), I thought about what was happening now, maybe Moscow was also under attack? I have a sister there. We didn't know what was going on in the World on the evening of February 25...

Finding my company, I saw everyone in a hurry digging trenches and trenches, the deeper you dug now, the greater the chances of surviving an artillery strike. The ground was soft-sandy most likely that in the event of an explosion near the trenches crumble immediately, it seemed to me that it would be better to distribute people to a greater distance from each other, there were 500 people on the area of a kilometer per kilometer, immediately trucks with ammunition, in the event of shelling, the enemy will always hit the bullseye. But no one asked me, "fathers commanders" are more visible, but

who commands all this madness is not clear. Walking around and saying hello to the guys, I was very happy to see everyone, I wanted to cheer everyone up and for someone to cheer me up, because maybe I would not see each other again. I remembered the first parachute jump, we jumped under Dzhankoy in the Crimea, in the board everyone was the first time, when the turntable abruptly began to rise into the sky and the yellow light at the ramp lit up, I, like everyone else, was a "wahue", but seeing that everyone around became pale and faces changed, I began to smile through force and show everyone a thumbs up looking for eye contact,  everything that I thought about then is the main thing not to suck, about the same everything looked now, only the situation is much worse. I saw a captured Ukrainian, I saw several from afar in UAZ in the morning. He was sitting by a tree, arms tight, a couple of empty canned food and an empty one lying next to him.

a plastic bottle of water, canned food was Ukrainian, probably his dry, it was obvious that he had recently eaten. Nearby stood and guarded him my friend, a Dagestani, by the way a man with a capital letter, I got the impression that he was protecting him more from his own. One of the passing colleagues yelled to the company "let's shoot him fuck, how many of us they put", it was obvious that he would really have knocked him down if they had given him. Now that the losses have begun, cruelty and a thirst for revenge have awakened in people. Under the eye of the prisoner was a huge fingal with a bruise, it was clear that the blow was very strong and most likely not with his hand. For some reason I really wanted to look at him and talk to him, I squatted down next to him. He was a fat man of about 45 years, he greedily smoked a jamb of makhorka which he had just carefully handed over and gave a cigarette to a Dagestani. He seemed to me his own and someone else's at the same time, the whole difference between us is that now our countries are in conflict, but we were born with him in the USSR. I looked at him like an alien, but I didn't find anything ordinary, I had no anger towards him, for some reason I felt sorry for him. I looked into his eyes, for some reason loudly said "Well, what brother, we will breathe together?", He sat resigned, looked at me in surprise and asked "why?", I stupidly smiled explained "because now we are now yours, they will herd hail", he smiled and replied "probably together". I found out from the Dagestani man who was guarding him that one of our guys decided to ask him and he did not like how he was responsible for which he prescribed to him from the foot. This was noticed by the commander of the regiment and forced him to apologize to the prisoner, threatening the tribunal. And where is the regimental commander? I never saw him once, but I knew he was somewhere nearby. I was seen by a company man passing by and jokingly asked "Well, what does Filatyev like about a mortar? I angrily replied that now we are all in the same boat, and it is not the best time to find out who is to blame for whose troubles, he looked away as if agreeing with me and went on on the move.

screaming at the top of my lungs giving some orders more like screams.

Someone is running somewhere, someone is walking, someone is digging, someone is dragging ... I get up and walk back to the mortar, I have to hurry, it starts to get dark abruptly, passing by the KAMAZ company, I am stopped by the Company Sergeant Major and in the confusion asks for help to load 200, I say that I need to hurry, he insists that it will not last long.

Several people in KAMAZ take corpses on stretchers, all very tired, others fall to them stretchers from the ground, how much is already loaded in KAMAZ, I do not see, there are three 200 on the ground on stretchers, I help to load them, how heavy they are, or am I so tired. On the move, I ask if they are from our company, they tell me that no. After loading the bodies, I hurry to the mortar, approaching them, I find out that we have identified positions for mortars, unload mortars, a total of five crews are now four people. Dragging mortars to the edge of the positions, even deeper into the forest, heavy, feet in the sand under the load bogged down, came, throw mines and mortars ...

I stand and grumble that this is a pussy, not a position, a small clearing, five mortars in line pointing the guns in different directions. To our nearest 200 meters to go, it turns out that we are without cover, we have only automatic weapons. If they come out of the woods at us, then we have a pussy. The rest do not even know that we are here, as if we did not cover our own at night in case of what from Utyos and AGS ... I understand that I lost a machine gun from behind me somewhere... fuck, well, it's a pussy... the lock at the belt is broken and while he was dragging the doublets with mines on his back, he did not feel him unfasten and fall.

I walk back along the same path and peer in search of a machine gun, it's almost dark, I reached almost the middle of the camp where the mortar trucks were parked, one of our men yells "who the gun!", I run up and with a sense of relief shout "this is mine!", I check exactly my "thank you", I go back to the outskirts to the mortars. When I come I see that the guys are already digging trenches for mortars, digging with them, it is almost dark, we have no strength, but we are digging ...

When we finished it was long dark, around 9:00 p.m.

We are wet with sweat and it has become very cold in the woods.

There have been no volleys at us so far, this is very good, but perhaps the enemy is waiting for the night, shelling us at night, and then perhaps the infantry will come at us, in complete darkness, in the forest. How else to explain that the enemy's hailstorms still haven't hit us.

I remember how the positions were located, it seems that they were shooting each other in battle.

We begin to confer on what to do and how we will sleep, our mortar is the most extreme, there is a forest on three sides, none of ours are there. If the enemy comes at us, our mortars will be easy prey.

What idiot decided that there would be a good position for mortars here? One young guy puts forward the theory that the command specially put us into the depths of the forest, that there is little sense from us with mortars here, from the weapons we have only machine guns, from the forest the main forces see the route and the enemy from the highway will be detected, but if the offensive is from the forest, then we are standing in a small sand clearing an ideal target and bait. I understand that we all look like treason, we need to calm down, the plan of the command is not clear. All that the command handed over is to bite into the ground, prepare for the shelling of the Grads and the attack of the enemy, there is no communication, there is no aviation, the fuel in the tanks is almost exhausted, we are deep in the rear. Maybe he's right? Why don't the scouts stand here? It would have been more logical to put secrets around the perimeter at a distance from the camp, but no one put them up. Some nonsense. We have not seen our battery commander since yesterday, according to rumors, the battalion commander took him with him as a spotter, then perhaps he was also killed. I ask a young comrade about this, he replies that he does not feel sorry for this freak, excellent attitude, I regret that he raised this topic. Or maybe they broke through to Kherson, entrenched themselves there and are fighting surrounded waiting for us. We still have two lieutenants, platoon commanders, but they are with the command somewhere in the middle of the camp. Who will give us the coordinates? In theory, we can fire mortars at

but the trees in the forest are very tall. It's full of equipment with large-caliber weapons, the track can be shot like in a shooting range, our 82mm mortars. I remember that the positions of my company are directed approximately in our direction, they are not visible behind the forest.

In short, if the enemy attacks through the forest, then we have almost no chance, if we move back in the event of a fight to the camp, we will be skewed without understanding the turmoil who we are. I set myself up that in the event of an attack, you need to fight back as you like, there is nowhere to retreat. Again, like last night, I began to think about God in my subconscious, probably we are all people, when we are pressed, we remember him. I resigned myself to the fact that most likely I will not survive this night, but I will not give up my life cheaply, last night we were not attacked while we were standing as in a shooting gallery, although there was fighting nearby. I don't think we'll be so lucky again that night. In my opinion, the whole of Ukraine already knows where we are and how many of us there are. Sometimes there was gunfire and explosions coming from somewhere far away. By any means, the local military knows this forest well.

According to the idea, if a full-scale war began, then ours probably should have inflicted missile bombing strikes on all military facilities, destroying all major enemy formations, but something tells me that everything is going badly.

In the forest there was complete darkness and silence, only not much light from the stars through the clouds, fell on our glade, through night vision devices we saw only our field, everything that is not visible in the trees, too dark and the devices do not help, and the battery must be saved.

We begin to fall asleep despite the cold. I urge the guys to sleep in the trench near the mortar, and two lie near the trench and observe the forest on the sides, our positions are extreme and we have no one to hope for if the enemy comes from our side.

I convince you that it is better to change every half hour, everyone has not slept normally for a long time and I worry that if we all fall asleep, we can sleep our lives.

So we do, two are asleep, two are watching. Like just fell asleep, you will immediately be changed. How beautiful it is in its own way.

Very cold... I really want to sleep... Wash...

Hot food...

Now I would like a cup of hot coffee...

I wish I could open YouTube now and see what's going on in the world, maybe YouTube has already been shut down?

There's shooting somewhere far away...

Why is there no communication, maybe nuclear weapons were used ... Where is all our aviation?

I want to smoke, cigarettes are long gone...

Just not to fall asleep on duty, I don't want to be caught off guard...

Somewhere far away, something explodes...

The time is already five o'clock and it seems to be starting to get lighter... At dawn, it's best to attack...

It's already six in the morning and it's bright...

Didn't we all get swept away that night from the MLRS, then letting the infantry storm to finish off.

February 26

It was already light, around 6 a.m. To meet the new day was joyful, along with the dawn again there was hope and thoughts that it would not be necessary to die heroically in the environment, it became warmer.

The body was clogged and stiffened, the body armor was never removed. Suddenly, the sound of a column appeared from afar, a lot of tracked vehicles could be heard, the sound was distorted, but it was not clear from the track.

From the depths of the camp, a cry of "Attention, everyone get ready!" was heard.

The buzz from the equipment was growing, it was clear that the column was large. Exactly, tanks are coming.

The question swirled in my head whose technique was it?

There was silence in the forest, everyone was tense and quiet.

The colon was already very close, now it was already equal to our positions at the track. From the depths of the camp, joyful cries of "Ours!" could be heard.

This was a column of the 33rd Motorized Rifle Regiment, in the column there were tanks and IFVs, fuel tankers and pantsir-M air defense, artillery of the Msta type.

The 33rd Motorized Rifle Regiment from Kamyshin, it was created last year on the basis of the disbanded 56DShB, some of the paratroopers remained in Kamyshin and moved to the infantry of this 33rd Motorized Rifle Regiment, some resigned, some moved to other cities, some remained in 56 DShP moving to Feodosia. That is, many of the 56 and 33 had served together before, many of the 33 former paratroopers and as they told us that we had all already been buried there, they thought that we had been destroyed and therefore no one got in touch. The meeting was joyful, the mood of everyone noticeably rose. Soon, Pantsir, who arrived with a convoy, began to shoot down drones and drones above us. Perhaps this saved us from MLRS strikes. Their column continued to stand on the track, we continued to stand in the woods. The mood was already more optimistic and relaxed, we even began to make fires to warm the suhpai and boiling the water and drank tea and coffee. Closer to 11 o'clock there was a command to gather and prepare to move. After diving, we began to line up on the side of the road. Fuel arrived and our equipment was refueled, I wandered around the convoy, met new people and found out who knew what. One of the guys I had just met handed me a natsvai, I threw him by the lip and relaxed standing with him talking, suddenly I was stunned, we were standing next to Pantsir, he fired a rocket and it beautifully leaving a winding white mark in the blue sky, exploded destroying the drone right above us. During this day, they shot down 20 pieces.

Closer to lunchtime, a command went to everyone's shelter for the battle, enemy armored vehicles were spotted and were moving towards us from Kherson. All this crowd rushed into the forest chaotically occupying positions.

I was struck again by the thought that if they got to us and drove by, half of us would shoot each other... I was trying to find a position so as not to get under the fire of my own, when I realized that it was almost impossible, I just sat down by the tree and took off my helmet, the sun was shining brightly, it was hot ...

Suddenly, a young mortar lieutenant gave the command to install mortars, we grumbled to the trucks to get guns and mines, taking them on ourselves and trying to run with them to install them faster, the sand also drove under our feet, while dragging them about a kilometer, to the old positions, we heard gunfire a few kilometers from us on the highway from Kherson.

Then I realized that I had the helmet, left it in the woods where I was sitting, when the command came to urgently install the guns, I jumped up with the others and ran forgetting about it ...

I didn't see it, but when I found out that in front of our main column, there were APCs of scouts and tanks, they opened fire,

after destroying a few cars the rest drove back, as I understood there was a small column of the enemy, perhaps went on a reconnaissance, I do not know the details.

As soon as we had set up the mortars, the rebound command came, we again piled on the mines and guns and dragged them back. While walking, I felt that fatigue had accumulated and there was almost no energy.

While we were standing, I wandered through the forest and asked everyone around if anyone had taken my helmet, there were five hundred people in the forest, no one saw, the tree I had then, could not find, it looks like my brain is already boiling with fatigue.

Only that night we froze to the bone, now it was very hot, the form was again soaked with sweat.

For a few more hours we lined up in the convoy, our Cars continued to refuel.

A team of cars came, everyone sat in their crews and waited for the command to move.

At about 4:00 p.m., we set off.

Again, it was necessary to tune in to the assault.

In front of the main column in which I was, there were reconnaissance armored personnel carriers and tanks, periodically in front of me there was fire from tank guns and large-caliber machine guns.

The column moved at high speed, but periodically stopped, we jumped out of the cars in preparation for the battle and again receiving the command to rebound, jumped on the cars and moved on. One guy from the other Machine did not have time to jump into his and on the move we literally threw him to us. He was also a young, Crimean guy, he had been to Kherson before and while we were approaching the bridge, he seemed to be giving us an excursion telling us about the area. He had a rather harsh attitude towards Ukraine and spoke with malice about the Nazis. I had no anger inside, but I liked to listen to it, so it was easier for me to tune in, either they were us or we were them, I had no doubt that if necessary I would pull the trigger, but at the same time there was no feeling that I was doing something right, everything was like in a dream.

The sun began to go away sharply, everything became gray, the smell of gunpowder and smoke, we drove by and saw periodically broken cars and old equipment, it seemed to me that the abandoned Ukrainian equipment that we saw yesterday was also destroyed, most likely the tanks going ahead destroyed it now from afar so as not to risk it. Also on the track since yesterday there was a lot of our equipment mainly BMD2 and UAZ, the equipment just broke down on the move and it was thrown. In front of the bridge, I saw destroyed hailstones.

Crossing the bridge over the Dnieper (the river turned out to be quite wide and reminded me of the Volga) I noticed several corpses, it is not clear whose, behind the bridge it seems that there was a fortified post and a gas station, it is not clear when, but it was clear that the fighting was going on here.

All the way I observed broken gas stations and shops. There were periodic volleys of tank guns ahead. It started to get dark and cold.

The Crimean guy said that we would soon see Kherson, really on the left at dusk, in the distance you could see the lights of a big city, our huge column without headlights, skirting it along the highway.

Passing one of the burning wrecked Ukrainian cars, in the dark it is not clear whether it was a tank or an IFV, it was about a hundred meters from us in a field, an explosion thundered brightly blindly and the tower flew up, we all jumped up and pointed our weapons in the direction while our truck drove by, it seems just detonated a BC, I have not yet seen such explosions. Probably everyone had nerves at the limit, we were waiting for the fight. Then gaining speed then abruptly stopping we moved on, suddenly the driver turned the steering wheel sharply to the left, we flew along the body along with the boxes, the mortar flew up and beat my leg. Having passed, we saw in the dark a knocked out tank, similarly Ukrainian, which the driver saw in the dark at the last moment, in fact, the driver of the Ural without brakes, only for the fact that he was able to get here on it, already deserves a reward. What a fool, the Urals went to war without brakes...

The road was broken, dark, the column began to crawl, the cars began to gather tightly in a heap and for a long time standing tightly to each other became an excellent target for aviation and artillery.

How fucking things should be the Armed Forces of Ukraine that they still haven't "fucked" us. This huge column, slowly creeping along the highway along Kherson, was an ideal target for aviation and artillery.

We have been crawling for several hours, along the city along the highway, in the distance I saw several bursts of trucks from a machine gun at our column from the side of the city, the column moved on ...  Slowly crawling along the highway in complete darkness, some began to run into the broken roadside shops and pull out cigarettes, chips, soda ... No one had cigarettes anymore, I also wanted to run there, I really wanted to smoke, adrenaline, fatigue, cold, hunger, thirst, I did not consider it theft, I

it was not a matter of spitting, but I could not find the right moment, it is easier to get out of the UAZ and jump back into the back of the Urals, and no one will wait for anyone and as if in the dark not to get under their own wheels. At one point in the pauses, a guy was running past jumping back into tiger with a bag, I yelled at him.

"Brother, let me smoke!", the column was already driving, but he quickly threw three packs of cigarettes into our back, jumping into his Tiger on the move. Finally, I have to smoke, I smoke several cigarettes in a row, I rejoice in these cigarettes indescribable, Ukrainian cigarettes are not so bad, red West, strong, we do not sell such cigarettes.

I am not pleased that I did not buy them, I am not used to taking someone else's, but I console myself with the fact that the local looters have already begun to rob themselves, I smoke and am angry at the command that we have been here for three days and upstairs you can see much no one and did not think that we would smoke, eat and drink, I remember how a week ago at the training ground we lined up in a column and there was a command to go light,  when the majority believed that these were exercises, I felt that something was brewing, but that it would go further than the DPR and LPR, I did not assume in my worst forecasts or maybe I also deceived myself with hope.

About one o'clock in the morning I saw the whole of Kherson, the column stood stretched along the highway, I had the impression that we were taking the city in a ring, I hope our great commanders would not lead us into the city at night in a column, there was confidence that then it would be very deplorable.

We sat on the cars, unloaded 120mm mortars next to each other and opened fire somewhere, their range was up to 8km, our 82mm mortars with a range of up to 4km were only suitable to cover the assaulting infantry. Again there are thoughts that I went to the mortar, it would be better to be now with an assault company, sitting on boxes of mines, like on a powder keg ...

However, my company was also nearby. A friend from the cabin came up and gave us a bottle of soda, someone gave him a few bottles, we gulped it, the sweet water gave us a little energy.

At two o'clock in the morning, our reconnaissance company went on a reconnaissance to the Kherson airport, our regiment was to occupy it, followed by us in mortar trucks and an assault battalion (from which only my company remained, the other two disappeared with a combat on February 24) on UAZ and a parachute landing battalion.

on the BMD2 (I also thought there were few of them, toli part of it turned somewhere, so many cars broke down along the way)

As I later learned, it wasn't far to go, but we crawled slowly. Residential buildings, some buildings, shops, gas stations and warehouses were already visible, it was a suburb, the airport sign appeared.Often there were broken cars, from time to time gunfire was heard somewhere, I was already tired of the tension in anticipation, hunger, cold, madly bowed to sleep, but I was afraid to fall asleep and be taken by surprise, my friend also fell asleep, there were many beautiful places around for ambush ...

It seems that slowly we entered the airport, our Ural without brakes stopped near the terminal, I saw how the building was already calmly entering and leaving, the command was equipping the headquarters in the building. It seems that everything is not so bad and we have fulfilled our task, at this moment I myself did not understand how I fell asleep ...

February 27

Bright light, some fuss, someone shouting for battle, our Ural was going somewhere, but suddenly stopped, we jump out of the trucks and do not understand anything, a strong explosion lit up everything around and I saw six of our mortar trucks, next to the UAZ of my company, some equipment away, on the runway KAMAZ exploded, I do not understand how many cars are burning, two or three,  people run away, fall to the ground, someone takes positions, some cars go further from the fire and explosions, everything explodes again, I see the queues of machine guns heard from there, I do not understand, I ask those who come across the eye "what is happening?", No one will understand anything, powerful explosions are repeated, and fragments with buzzing and whistling cut through the air, I fall to the ground after each explosion and jump to my feet again trying to understand where we are being attacked,  who shoots from what and where. KAMAZ is blazing brightly illuminating the huge area of the airport, it had shells from a howitzer, so explosions are constantly repeated. The young lieutenant also does not understand what is happening gives the command "mortars to

combat", install mortars, take positions. I was tired of constantly reflexively performing burpees during explosions, so I walk away for another 50 meters and lie down covering my head with a machine gun, I immediately regretted the lost helmet, up to a burning KAMAZ 200 meters away, fragments from explosions fly further, sometimes sticking into the ground somewhere nearby, another KAMAZ is burning. I look around, my company takes up positions lying around the perimeter, lie down next to them, try to find out what is happening, no one will understand anything.

After 10 minutes I realize that it was not an ambush we were and no one is attacking us now. I do not know how, but several trucks were destroyed, it is not clear whether there are dead and wounded, a couple of hours later the cars burned to aphids and their pieces just smoked, the explosions stopped, it was dawn. We begin to dig in, my company dispersed into the UAZ line at a distance of about a hundred meters from each other, in each UAZ 4-5 people, in total in the company there are 40 people from the company, another 10 seconded drivers. For example, one of the drivers, from a platoon of UAVs, for some reason he was appointed a driver at the training ground in the Crimea, although he studied to be a UAV operator and did not ask for a driver. A line of UAZ at a distance of one hundred meters from each other, behind them is the runway, behind it is the terminal near it the equipment, where the command is located, no one else in my field of vision. We dig our mortars in front of the extreme UAZ, I begin to tell the lieutenant that it is some kind of nonsense to dig trenches in front of the assault infantry, that we need to find out the positions, he is stupid walking, he was told our positions here, our trucks with mines are right next to us, some nonsense, if we are attacked now, they will also turn into fireworks, and even next to us.

Taking out the lieutenant, he tells me, go to the terminal and tell this to the command, the other mortar men grumble and start digging up the mortars. I understand that here I begin to be clever and argue with commanders, I decide to shut up and go also to drip, there was a feeling that there is no more strength to argue and I have no choice.

The ground is hard and clay, digging for hours until 11. The team comes to drive our trucks into the forest belt near the landing

lanes, drivers get into trucks and six cars leave and get up about 250 meters behind, the forest belt consists of dry little trees, looking at how they stand like camouflage, I understand that they will be visible from any distance, there are no leaves at the end of February, and dry sticks less than trucks high will not hide them, but well at least driven back.

In the distance in the field, in front of us 2 kilometers away, a passenger car appeared, drove into the forest belt, it is not clear who it is, we release a mine in its direction so as not to approach. UAZ go out for reconnaissance, to check the surroundings. A passenger car picking up a column of dust on all fumes drives back.

At 12 o'clock a command of mortars arrives, move closer to the weather station near the terminal (trenches, as I said there, we dug in vain), we come there, from there they call the lieutenants to the command for a meeting. Returning from there alarmed, they change our positions to the forest belt, to the trucks dragging the guns there, we put everything in trucks, the time is about 14:00, they bring us the following information: "Our task is to hold the airport at any cost, according to intelligence data, about 20 tanks and 2,000 infantry (including mercenaries) are moving towards us from Nikolayevsk. We are also waiting for the shelling of Grads. We will be covered from afar by our large-caliber artillery, it is necessary to camouflage the vehicles, to bury ourselves in the ground, because if the enemy comes close to us, the artillery will catch us. There will be no sense from 82mm mortars, so we must dig in near the trucks and act like infantry, who is not satisfied, surrender our weapons, Crimea is in the other side. "

Pussy, I understand that the lieutenants are also in ahuda, but they try to keep a face. You can see that everyone is dejected to say the least. Someone says that he doesn't need it, someone tries to be brave, someone silently begins to mask cars, which makes the trucks look like an upcoming pioneer fire, thin dried sticks with a tent on a truck, which is why the already rare forest belt thins and from a distance you can see how six trucks with mines littered with sticks stand on it, again I can not keep silent

and I say it's all shit, not disguise, we need to dig in faster and away from the trucks, otherwise if they explode during the fight then we all have a pussy. The lieutenant offers a place thirty meters from the cars, everyone begins to argue and everyone chooses a place for the trench for himself, as a result, chaotically dig in front of the cars 30 meters from them, also digging in next to them, although I understand that this is suicide. Again I converge on the idea that in military institutes they are perfectly taught not to think, the only thing that pleases me is that at least they are nearby, all the command is higher than the company commanders in the terminal. Several people went there for water.

When they returned they brought as much water as they could carry, we got a little drunk, told that the whole command there, there is water and Duty Free at the airport has already been blown away, there was a sense of injustice, we are here without a fuck, the command there is probably with food, alcohol, cigarettes and water, the terminal looks quite strong, the chances of surviving there are greater. Now I have to dig trenches, there are no forces at all, for half an hour I just lie looking into the beautiful blue sky, I think to go to the company and throw the mortarmen, on the other hand there are three people, one of whom is the driver at the same time, suddenly there will be no hands here either, I decide to stay with them, if it so happened that I was with them, then probably this is not accidental. I get up and decide to go through all the positions. The positions of the mortar are the most extreme left, in front of a little to the right is my company, to the right of it I see UAZ 4 and 5 DSHR, several cars did not leave with the Combat, then on the right flank there should be BMDs of the parachute battalion, but I do not see them, the airport territory is large, does not get into the view. Command, control and medics in the terminal. Passing through the positions of the company, I see that everyone is also exhausted, digging in, installed AGS, Cliffs and Atlas (from which no one had fired before because the rocket costs 500 tons. I hueya from this office), they lay out grenades, cartridges, RPGs around the trenches, something, but there were no problems with ammunition, if you save, you can hold out all night, of course, if the tanks do not disassemble us from the cannons from afar along with the Grads,  and the infantry will just go to clear us. There were funny people standing nearby.

stupid, old UAZ, which will not even save from fragments, unmasking positions. In the eyes of everyone read something unusual, everyone seemed to be both themselves and not themselves at the same time, such eyes do not occur in people in peaceful life, probably because everyone understood that it was quite likely the last day of our lives, although also like the days before. With curiosity and regret, I looked at those who were going to take Kiev in three days, it was clear that something began to reach them too.

Despite this, everyone dug in and it seems that no one was going to run away. Despite the fact that during the service we often joked with each other and laughed at our professionalism, now everyone looked serious and addressed each other like a "brother". I had a sense of pride in everyone around me there. Again there were thoughts that before that we were lucky and now we will no longer be lucky, we need to tune in, before that our ancestors paratroopers also stood until the end and if now our time has come, then we need to stand with dignity, die like this with music. From this awareness and acceptance of the situation, there was again a sense of resentment for the fact that all our preparation was only on paper, that our equipment was hopelessly outdated, UAZ and Urals, BMD 2,

Cliffs and AGS are all things that were in service 50 years ago! Of course, then it was excellent equipment and weapons, but 50 years have passed! We are a paratrooper-assault battalion, sent to war UAZiki! And then already hollowed out, in many does not work stove go crack in the door as thick as a finger!

When it comes to everyone that we praise our equipment and army, point-blank not seeing the real problems, we simply self-destruct.

Half of the men in the country themselves served in the army and know how things are there, but after quitting and taking on their chests they begin to scream how we will defeat everyone and how they can repeat. How many idiots have I met in my life who prove to the point of exhaustion that we have all the best! What was created 50 years ago cannot be the best, although because the years spare nothing,

a huge amount of equipment simply could not get to the war!It's only 200-300 km!

With such thoughts, I came across to the next UAZ of my company, the guys dug in a little, just sat warming drypai, someone, somewhere got a bottle of cognac.

Half a bottle was gone and it was obvious that the four of them had already relaxed a little, they handed me a bottle and I sat down next to them, on the hood of the UAZ a blue beret lay beautifully. Twisting the bottle in my hands it became clear that the cognac is good. The guy who handed me the bottle said "For the boys", I hit the bottle on their fists and took a few sips, the heat went inside, from the mouth sinking into the stomach ...

I lit a cigarette and sat with them looking at the positions, these UAZ from a distance will destroy the tanks, all that will remain is to fight back in the trenches, how few of us are here, where are our tanks that were yesterday? Probably the rest took the city in a ring, the airport will have to be held by us.

I didn't relax much and smoking with them, chatted about the fact that "the Russians do not give up", we were adjusting. It's a shame when in such situations, all that is to help is to remember the exploits of people who died a long time ago, in other wars. Patriotism is in your hands, instead of good training, support and modern technology.

I had to go dig a trench for myself, going two hundred meters back and to the left to the mortar, I saw that most had already dug trenches for themselves to shoot lying down, it turned out to be a line of single trenches for firing lying down, choosing a place next to my crew of 4 people, began to dig without stopping ...

When I finished covering the trench with grenades, I left one of them in the trench, we gathered with the calculation, warmed the suhpais and ate something well, and our suhpai are good, boiled water and drank coffee from suhpai.

During the day, sometimes from somewhere came the firing or volleys of guns, several times I saw how from somewhere behind the terminal, Pantsire missiles flew out shooting down drones.

It was already dark, walking around the mortar positions to chat with everyone, I noticed how much I liked the attitude of the sergeant major of dagestan, my peer, who, although it was obvious that he was also excited, but brave and told everyone around that we would fight back, that pussy was crested, we would stand to the last.

Closer to midnight, tired of waiting for an attack on us, I went and lay down in my trench, the guys fitted a sleeping bag with a broken lock. I lay down in the trench wrapped in it, lying on my back in a hug with a machine gun, a grenade that I had previously left in the trench and removed under my head.

Lying on my back I looked at the sky, it was very beautiful, a lot of stars and an unusually large number of satellites, it seemed to me that life was beautiful, I no longer had the strength to beat my head analyzing everything around, I decide that I will sleep, again falling asleep I set myself up that when the fight begins, I will not give up the back so that it is not,  if it comes to injury or captivity, then with a grenade under my head I will blow myself up, "Lord, give me the strength to accept with dignity what I have prepared", "where I was born (b56) there and came in handy", 10 years of a completely different life in the past, while I worked with horses, seemed not real, as if it was not with me, in another universe, it was not me,  I'm real here now, such thoughts were floating in my head, tuning in and feeling absolute happiness from accepting my fate, I begin to disconnect ... I hadn't yet fully fallen asleep, one of those who patrolled the positions came up to me and with the words "Pasha, you are not sleeping yet, let's smoke", began to tell something about his family, about children and wife ... He was squatting next to me in total darkness, I was lying on my back wrapped in a sleeping bag in a hug with a machine gun, also lit a cigarette and realizing that he needed to speak and he was looking for support, he said something to him trying to delve into, so I blacked out ...

February 28

I woke up with the dawn, "Lord, how beautiful this world is." I want to live again.

At night I heard some explosions and shooting, I don't know where, I slept too soundly, I remember that at night I woke up from the cold and immediately fell asleep.

After walking and talking to everyone around, we began to warm up the suhpai, at night there was no attack, it seemed like artillery from afar did not allow us to approach, I do not know the details, only rumors.

There was a murmur that our scouts had found a combatant and a mortar commander with them two companies that had left on February 24, it is not yet clear the truth or fake.

I find out a rumor that someone shot a civilian car that did not stop with a BMD cannon, there was a mother and several children in the cars, only one child survived, he is now in the terminal. I am not one of those people who harbors illusions about war, the death of innocent civilians was and will be in any war, but it becomes nasty in the soul. While our governments are figuring out among themselves how to live, and the military on both sides are their tool, civilians are dying and their familiar world is collapsing. It seems that everyone understands this, but when you realize it and do not know what to do. If you drop everything and leave, then you become a coward and a traitor, you continue to participate in it and become an accomplice to the deaths and sufferings of people. A chess fork of some sort.

An hour later I see UAZ 4th and 5th Companies leaving lined up and taking up positions in front of us and to our left. The feeling of joy begins to overflow, so everything is not so bad at all, I go to them all to say hello and find out where they were at all, what happened to them?

When I came to them and wandered from car to car, I learned that they had crossed the bridge with a fight, took refuge in the forest waiting for the main column, there was no communication. I will not list the details that they emotionally told. What is true and what is not is known only to the participants. Taking a few packs of cigarettes from them, I walked back in high spirits, some good news.

Returning to the trenches of the miminometer and seeing the return of the mortar commander, who by the way changed in appearance,

probably like the rest of us, I find out that we are digging trenches for mortars again.

A couple of hours later, the team came, we begin to gather for the assault on Kherson.

There was an indescribable feeling, whether this fatigue spoke in us, or a feeling of misunderstanding of the big picture, no one really knows anything, there is no one to find out, everything is brought to the last moment. According to the idea, the task of the Airborne Forces is to make a quick throw, take a bridgehead and hold until the approach of the main forces, there is no serious equipment and weapons in the Airborne Forces, we are not the main army, our total number for the whole country is a maximum of 40 thousand, of which some are conscripts and they are in the garrison. Where is the army? Why is only my 6th assault company remaining at the airport, and the 4th and 5th only arrived from the other world is already going to storm Kherson? Will the airport be held by one incomplete company?

With such thoughts, we are going to storm, there is nothing to do, no one is going to give the back.

After lunch, already at about 17:00, we line up on the runway in a column, about 30 UAZ 4 and 5 companies, our mortar should go to the UAZ companies with mortars and a small supply of mines, trucks remain at the airport, on the go we throw mortars and everyone on the move is looking for a place, as a result, I do not want to climb into crowded UAZs,  I wait until the last UAZ in the column, it turns out to be the UAZ of my company, it is the only one from among the 6th company. I jump into it, the column goes, there are 6 of us in the UAZ filled with ammunition, grenades, cliffs and ATGMs. I can hardly try to sit down, we all eat preparing weapons for battle and controlling everything around, at any moment ready to open fire.

Leaving the airport, while driving I see the far side of the airport, sometimes there are places in which it seems that there were shootings. The column moves quickly, everyone is tense, several Tigers sweep towards them, it seems with Kadyrovtsy, greet each other with a show of hands. We move through the suburbs, some hangars, private houses, there are groups of civilians with bags, they are fleeing the city.

Tension while eating with difficulty trying to stay open

The body of the UAZ, cramped, grenades, grenade launchers are scattered on the floor, we sit and stand on them, on the move I think about the fact that this is how we ourselves and undermine then writing off everything on "Heroically fell in battle".

While we are driving I look around through the sight of the machine gun and think as in the case of an ambush, I will have to manage to jump out of the UAZ in this crampedness (this bucket is stitched through with bullets, and given the number of grenades and RPGs, it turns into a powder keg).

We drove for a short time, a small bridge appeared ahead, on the sides of it a dried up rivulet overgrown with high reeds, this is already the entrance to the city, then the high-rises begin. I really hoped that we would not enter the city in a column, it seems that I was mistaken, on the bridge our column is lined up and freezes in place ... An ideal place for an ambush, the column stands on a narrow road, on the sides of a high reed, behind private houses, in front and left begin high-rises, on the right some kind of factory ...

I can't wrap my head around this fucking thing...

We are just a perfect target on our unarmored UAZs, we stand for 20 minutes without moving...

Civilian cars are pulling up and away. You can see that it will soon start to get dark...

Just clowning, the question of why we have not been attacked so far revolves in my head, whether they are luring us further, whether the city is going to surrender ...

For 20-30 minutes the column stood still, car to car.

As a result, the first cars began to try to turn around on a narrow road and slowly move back. It turned out that we had made the right turn. One company took up positions to the right of the bridge, the other to the left, some mortars on one, some on the other. I got the position on the left. Civilian cars passed us at high speed, half of them people filmed us on their phones, a Woltswagen minibus flew by, inside I managed to see that it was full of strong men ... no one gives the command to block the road, a motorcyclist flew past with one hand filming us on a GoPro type camera ...

All this time we occupied positions like a circular defense, from behind the private sector to the back of us, in front through the rivulet.

overgrown with reeds Kherson. On each side there are about 15 UAZs, reinforced with 82mm mortars, in the companies of Utesa, AGS, Ptura.

The atmosphere is knee-jerky... begins to get dark quickly, a rare shooting began to be heard from the city. A command comes to everyone to dig in. No one seemed to go there from ours, but in the process I find out that from different directions, the rest of the troops from our 7th Division approached the city, somewhere there is our parachute battalion, each unit has its own direction and point that needs to be taken, we are assigned the Sea Port, will we still be sent to enter the city at night ...

In front of the rivulet there is a small earthen rampart, a good position, but behind us there are private houses, I think about the fact that it will not be difficult to bypass us if you want and attack, the enemy who knows the terrain will not be difficult. It is dark, the lights are not turned on in the houses, I do not leave a slight excitement from adrenaline, what kind of plan we have there is not clear, as always around no one knows anything.

From behind, from private houses, men begin to gather in groups and approach us expressing their obvious dissatisfaction with our presence, trying to politely explain something, people are somewhat afraid of us, but some civilians behave very rudely, we are also a little on the platoon, it is not clear what to expect from where and from whom.

At about 11:00 p.m., something starts to burn on the positions on the right side of the road, and about 10 minutes later a fire starts to our left too. Someone set fire to the left and right of our positions dry reeds. Obviously someone did it on purpose and it's definitely not ours. Now from the strong wind that has risen, a huge fire is lit up illuminating our positions as if in the daytime, everything is light near us, but because of the fire we do not see that in the darkness around. There was anxiety in our ranks, everyone took up positions and watched closely around. The locals stopped approaching, perhaps we were being illuminated for artillery fire.

The reeds in the river flared up more and more, the trees caught fire, the fire became high and strong. I was standing next to the mound, with a few guys lying on it watching the opposite.

the side of the city across the river now covered with fire. Someone said that he saw someone there, immediately he shouted louder "stop shooting". I ran up to them and lay down hiding behind the mound, pointing my weapons down and peering into the dark places in front of us, there was a fire burning somewhere, but there were gaps that had not yet been lit. In one of these places below us, now I also saw a dark silhouette, aiming at it, I begin to shout in the most terrible voice that I am capable of, something like the following.

"Stop, bitch, I'm going to shoot you now! raise your hands! crawl here! Squatting crawl!", voices next to me screamed about the same thing.

The silhouette was slowing, but eventually began to approach us, crawling on my arms and legs up the hill. When he was close enough to me, I stood up and grabbed him by the gate, jerked towards me through the slide, a hefty kid flew at me from the top to which he crawled towards us, I somehow crashed down the slope to my knees.

Immediately jumping up and running up the slope, back to the unknown kid and trying to take him by the scruff of the neck again, I see someone nearby swing and here he hits him with his butt in the head, shouting "don't beat him!", I jump to him, the butt sliding over my hands with a squirt meets his head (not that I felt sorry for him at that moment,  but talking to him was much more interesting and just hitting him if he didn't resist, there was no desire).

The child starts screaming "don't beat him!", I pull his jacket over his head, he is dressed in black pants and a black jacket (not for the weather), twist his arms, start searching him, he has nothing but a lighter and he stinks of diesel fuel. I try to intimidate him by shouting, then switching to a calm tone, ask why he sets fire to him and who ordered it to him, he replies that he went home and frightened constantly repeats "just do not beat". By the way, no one beat him anymore, of course I can not vouch for our entire army, but in front of my eyes no one mocked anyone or raped anyone. Lift it up and head down lead to

To the commander of the UAZ, there are several more such men in civilian clothes lying with their arms tightened.

Going back talking to other guys in positions, I have no doubt that this guy set fire to the reeds and he definitely did not get lost. Walking back, I see that a group of men came out of private houses and one of them is talking to ours, I come up holding a machine gun on my chest, our Dagestani sergeant very politely tries to explain to them that we are not threatening them, trying to convince them to go home. Five minutes later, the men leave, they do not look friendly, I have a fear that perhaps they are from the Armed Forces of Ukraine and just dressed up to our positions to get a better look. It's dark all around, everything is blazing next to us, sometimes there is shooting, we already have detainees in civilian clothes, and people do not stop walking around. What is clear is that these arsons mark our positions. The feeling of anxiety and excitement from adrenaline does not leave, it is not clear what to expect.

There is some anger at civilians, of course I understand that we are uninvited guests here, but for their own safety they better stay away from us. Therefore, the behavior of civilians is angry and surprising. What the fuck are we doing here, it's definitely not our specialty, where the Rosgvardia, we are not the police or the OMON, everyone is set up for clashes with the Armed Forces of Ukraine, but no one wants to explain to the civilian "fucking we came here", we fucking do not know ourselves, orders come from the command at the last moment. It's too late to reason, you're on the front lines and it's either you or you.

It was already about two in the morning, it was very cold, the frost began, some began to try to sleep in turns. None of the mortars had sleeping bags, a strong wind rose and in the cold began to pull to the bone. I, like some, went patrolling positions, so it's warmer if you don't stop. Sometimes it was obvious that in the distance, someone seemed to throw Molotov cocktails, not letting the fire in our positions go out. There was information that one of the detainees found a group in the telegram phone, in which people throw information, photos

and a video about how many troops were seen where and when. We are monitored online and a large number of civilians are involved in this.

It does not add positivity, the atmosphere is shitty, there is nothing to eat, the mortar left without sleeping bags and dry rations.

Walking along the ditch on which ours dug in and watched the city, again I hear someone shouting that he sees someone in the ditch there, there is also a strong fire burning in places. I run to the ditch, the guy begins to scream with threats down "raise your hands!", Seeing the silhouette I also begin to scream aiming at the silhouette, I understand that if the shadow begins to do something wrong, then I will shoot without delay, the nerves are already at the limit. The silhouette on the carapaces crawls towards us, already at point-blank range, I see that this is a girl, grab her sew and drag her over the moat. Also dressed not for the weather. The girl is very scared and something in a bunch of taratorit mixing Russian and words in Ukrainian that I do not understand. I take her under the handle, as if on a date and lead in the direction of the commander's UAZik, immediately my friend comes up and takes her under the arm from the other side, slowly walking, calm her down, she is hysterical and she roars and says that she was looking for her husband in this burning ditch, and hid because she is afraid of us, some shit. I tell her to show me what she has in her pockets, she quickly pulls out and gives me the phone and says something like take whatever you want. I look at the smartphone, ask her to unlock it, she unlocks it and gives it to me, I watch instant messengers and messages. Almost all the latest messages in the spirit of "Where are you?", "I'm there", "There are warriors everywhere", "Here (address) are also warriors", A lot of things are written in Ukrainian I do not understand, but I did not read further and gave it back to her, it became again somehow nasty from all this shit.

Calming her down on the move, we bring her to command and leave her with them. At this time, on the other side of the dried river, there were shouts like "Glory to Ukraine" and as if one of them was shooting somewhere, the distance was large, it was difficult to see and we did not shoot back.

It was very cold and fatigue was just chopping off my feet. Half an hour later, the girl walked past us towards the private houses behind, she said that she was released and she would go home. In

At the end of the street, about 200 meters away, there was a group of men, they did not approach us, she went to them and together they disappeared behind the intersection behind our positions. I did not like this idea of the command, seeing the commander I expressed it to him. I don't like all this either, but it's obvious that a woman in her right mind wouldn't crawl in the dark under military positions, especially since everything is also on fire there. What she was doing there is anyone's guess.

By three o'clock in the morning, I was simply turned off, making sure that besides me there was someone to watch, I lay down under a tree next to a lying concrete pipe, behind it hiding from the wind lies a young guy from a mortar. He's shaking and tapping his teeth and says he's very cold, I'm also frozen to the bone, so I get up and go somewhere to find a sleeping bag. There were not enough of them for everyone, not all of them took leaving most of the things at the positions at the airport. After going around everyone, the sleeping bag was never found, those with whom they were not ready to give theirs, everyone slept while there was an opportunity, about so that two sleep, and the third is on duty.

Some found some cardboards and rags, covered with them, tried to sleep until they needed to observe. Finding some oilcloths and walking past private houses that were behind our position ten meters away, I see that one of them was kind of abandoned and did not look like a residential one. Opening the gate and walking into the yard in complete darkness I see that this old house is standing in the same yard with a good one, you can see that it is a residential building. Cautiously I reach the hollowed-out house, but there is nothing in it, looking at the apartment building nearby, which was in the same yard, I stand and struggle with the desire to enter it, if there are people there, then ask them for blankets or something to hide. If there are no people in the house, then just go in and take something to keep warm...

After a few minutes, I abandon this idea, thinking that if there are people there, especially with children, then my night entrance to their house will simply frighten everyone completely and their reaction may be very different, they already have something going on around the house that you do not wish on anyone. Quietly closing the gate behind me, I take the oilcloths I found and walk back to the pipe where my young comrade tried to sleep with his teeth knocking. The feeling is vile from everything

Around, we as creatures are just trying to survive, we do not need the enemy, the command has put us in such conditions that homeless people live better. From some I heard grumbling in despair from the frost that he would now go to break the window and climb into some house, but no one did. I put one oilcloth on the ground, we lay down with the guy snuggled up to each other to somehow warm up, on top we covered with another oilcloth, it did not warm but protected a little from the wind. Half an hour later we got up even more cold and began to walk to try to keep warm, it didn't help much, but we couldn't sleep from the cold. Just like us, almost everyone who did not take sleeping bags slept. The cars were silenced and it was no warmer, and 30 UAZiks were not enough for 150-200 people. From the command there was a ban on fires and an order to silence the cars in the evening. Despite the fact that already everyone in this city knew where we were and how many of us there were, and in front of the positions a fire was blazing, illuminating us in the dark at a glance.

Around 4 a.m., I saw that the commander's UAZ was winding up and warming up, the stove was working there. Those UAZ in which there was a working stove, followed his example, everyone did not care, frost and fatigue overcame caution. I collected some firewood and lit a fire under a tree near a concrete pipe, one officer began to tell me that it was forbidden to burn fires, but I did not care about such a command, everyone began to change around the fire to somehow warm up. Such nonsense, everything is already blazing around. As a result, the objecting officer also did not disdain to warm up...

So we met the dawn of a new day. March 1

From five o'clock in the morning, no one was sleeping. The battalion commander gathered the 4th and 5th companies and, almost in full force, marched on foot into the city.

The mortarmen remained in position with the task of covering if mortar fire was required, individual platoons and drivers remained with us.

An hour later they came back and told us what was on the other side, trenches had been dug and bottles of combustible mixtures had been laid, and we were waiting for us at night. If we came in at night, we would be hot, not cold. Companies went on reconnaissance.

I found a UAZ with a working stove and climbed in there, there were two people in the car. I tried to warm up talking to the driver.

Warming up I began to feel that my legs hurt, pulling up my pants I saw that hematomas and a tumor appeared on my knees and tibia (the consequences of falling from the ditch, when I pulled on myself a strong arsonist).

Rubbing the swelling on my legs, I gave out a bottle of beer with longing that I would now. Accumulated fatigue, thirst, hunger, cold, lack of normal, sleep quickly remind us of how we do not appreciate all this in ordinary life. I imagined drinking a bottle of cold beer now and dreaming in colors telling the driver about it.

He listened intently looking at me, after a minute of my story he climbed to open the back seat, from there he took out two cans of beer and handed me one, saying that he no longer had, but listening to my story he decided to share with me who knows what will happen next. I couldn't believe my happiness, slowly drank it and felt an indescribable buzz. Things got a little better. The fatigue let go a little and relaxed a little, I had never drunk such a delicious beer.

Again the command came to build the 4th and 5th company, they left in a hurry again for the city without rest after the last exit. We were left with mortars and individual platoons. I was again struck by the thought that fucking these mortars with a range of 3km did not hit and I would rather go with them. The city was gray and gloomy, the frost was joined by rain and snow. The shooting began in the city just from the direction where ours had gone.

The rate of fire increased and grenade launcher explosions were added. The radio station in the KSM command began to receive

information about the clash. Several Tigers arrived on the road and began to shell the roofs of high-rise buildings in short bursts, information was received about snipers on the roofs. The battle intensified, and information began to arrive about our wounded.

Anxiety appeared among us, I saw how some were very nervous.

I felt uncomfortable that I was here, and the fight was ahead. I had no desire to kill more "Nazis", but there was an awkward feeling that I was not there now. Judging by the shooting and explosions in the city, I got the impression that there was

"pussy". Gunfire could be heard from other directions in the city, i.e. from other parts of the city ours were also entering.

On the radio station there was information that now two tigers of special forces with the wounded will leave, so that their own will not be shot. They flew past us towards the airport.

We began to assemble the crew, the UAZ needed a volunteer driver and a machine gunner on the Cliff fixed in the UAZ to take our wounded and take them to the airport. The driver was found, I volunteered for a machine gun (although I shot from the Cliff once in a lifetime). I had a slight mandrake from the cold and adrenaline, I wanted to do something but not be on the sidelines. Half an hour later there was a rebound, the wounded were taken out in other cars, according to the information we had only two wounded, I could not believe given the rate of fire and the duration of the battle. Several times we received coordinates for pointing mortars and readiness to work on targets, but after a while there was a rebound. The observers noticed movement in the reeds of the shallow rivulet, then it turned out that they seemed to see a woman there, I ran there with the commander of the mortar. In a short run, ready to open fire, we found a woman in the reeds about 50 years old, checking her bag and finding out who she was, we guided her through our positions. She was working on the water supply, when the shooting started she ran away from work, her house was behind our positions.

The city was gray, there was a smell of gunpowder everywhere, there was shooting and explosions, something was burning, somewhere was smoking, civilians were already there.

it was almost impossible to see, as if the city had died out, the snow with rain and wind emphasizing the gloom.

After lunch, the shooting began to spread less and less. The command came to start preparing for the cars to move into the city.

At 5:00 p.m., we stood in a convoy ready to move. Nearby stood the UAZ Patriot battalion, there was no one in it except for its driver. UAZ in which I sat with my calculation, was

overcrowded, the stove did not work in it, the driver of the battalion, seeing our crampedness, began to wave inviting to his UAZ. Without thinking on the move I jumped out and sat in the Patriot began to warm up, I drove the combatant only glad that at least someone could cover in case of anything.

After lighting a cigarette, I put the gun in the window and controlled everything we passed. Broken cars, shops, in general, the city was lucky, so to speak. Sometimes the column would stop, once again stopping near some house, I saw a man and a woman next to him, they were standing next to him looking at us, I asked him if he had seen Ukrainian troops anywhere here, the man smiling strangely and shaking his head turned away, saying that he would not say anything and went to the house.

Half an hour later we arrived at the Kherson seaport. It was already dark, the companies ahead of us had already occupied it and were stationed, looking on the move where to sleep and where to wash. The territory consisted of a checkpoint, an administrative building and a building more like a hostel with warehouses, locker rooms and showers. There were ships at the dock. Mortar identified a large office on the ground floor. Other units began to enter the port, the Stavropol Airborne Regiment and the Stavropol Special Forces (former GRU). I went to wander around the neighborhood. Have you seen barbarians in Rome? This best illustrates what happened. Everyone looked exhausted and feral, everyone began to search the buildings for food, water, showers and places to sleep, someone began to carry computers and everything valuable that they could find. I was no exception, finding a hat in a wrecked truck on the territory, took it, Balaclava was

too cold, but even I, who was also feral from life on the street, became disgusted by the luggage of household appliances. Walking around the building, I found an office with TVs. Several people sat there and watched the news, in the office they found a bottle of champagne. Seeing the cold champagne I took and took a few sips from the bottle, sat down with them and began to watch the news intently. The channel was in Ukrainian, half of it is not clear, all I understood there was that Russian troops were advancing from all directions, Odessa, Kharkov, Kiev were occupied, they began to show footage of broken buildings and injured women and children. I felt sorry for all the dead and wounded, especially civilians, but the news inspired a little optimism, we would have taken Kiev, Odessa and Kharkov faster so that all this shit would end faster.

Coming out of the building I saw a combatant with officers, greeting him as required by the regulations, he greeted me shaking my hand, shot him a cigarette, Marlboro is red, I stand smoking and asking him about everything. All he basically told me was that everything was fine, it would be over soon...

On that note, with the hope in my heart that soon it would really end, I went to the offices where the mortar was located to go to bed.

The offices had a dining room with a kitchen and refrigerators. We ate everything like savages, everything that was there was flakes, oatmeal, jam, honey, coffee ...

Everything was turned upside down and we ate everything we could find... It didn't give a damn about anything, we were already brought to

Most lived in the fields for a month, without any hint of comfort, showers and normal food, and after that people were not given a rest, sent to war.

Everyone was chaotically looking for a place to sleep, there was a scolding for the queue in the shower. I was disgusted by all this, even though I knew I was part of it all. How much the command should not care about its people, about those who, with sweat, blood, health and life, should carry out their plans that are not clear to us. How much can you bring people to a wild state not

thinking they need to sleep, eat and bathe. We got such a large city as Kherson with a little blood.

Despite the fact that I did not have the audacity to take, I decided not to quarrel with anyone for the queue in the shower. It seemed to me that now we would hold the city and there would still be an opportunity to wash. It was time for midnight, having removed his bulletproof vest (for the first time in a week), stripped down to his thermal underwear and laid everything with his weapons on a large two-meter table, lay down on it. A sense of bliss visited me, my whole body buzzing and demanding sleep.

The office was good and for some maybe even very. Lying on this table on my back, with my head on the machine covered with a uniform, I remembered that I once also worked in a similar office. I was a different person, like I was in another life. Now like a savage I lie in the office that we have turned upside down, on a table and feel like in a five-star hotel, if you do not pay attention to the occasional shooting.

March 2

At five in the morning I was woken up, my friend and I had to go to the post, we got the gate of the checkpoint in the port. Pretty quickly everyone began to wake up, the Stavropol Airborne Regiment was leaving somewhere, I still did not want to let them pass toli kombat, toli regimental commander because he did not know the password ... What nonsense, passwords are not coordinated with each other. In the end, I spat through them, all they had to do was load into apcs in front of the gate, the consistency between us is at zero.

With the dawn of the Stavropol colleagues in the Airborne Forces left for the unknown. For me it was a surprise, because I was sure that now we would have to keep the city, all my hopes that we would stay here and wash would still be an opportunity to fail. I left to at least wash my face and brush my teeth. Walking through the offices it was clear that during the night we turned everything upside down. Coming out from the other side of the building, look around for the sake of

Curiosity, met breaking the coffee machine in search of hryvnia, not understandable to the fuck they gave up.

At 11 o'clock, the companies left for the city, information was received that to control negotiations with the city administration. Mortar and Stavropol special forces were left in the port for control and support in case of anything. Partisans remained in the city and a sniper shot somewhere.

Taking positions in the windows we watched, the mortars stood ready for battle. I was in the principal's office, leather furniture, a large area of the room and a huge table, the safe had already been opened, a good library, most of the books on the Russian. We were scattered across different windows to observe the surroundings. A guy came to me with a bottle of cognac and chocolate, offered me a drink, I agreed. He was from the Stavropol special forces, having drunk a few sips and having talked with him, I was pleased that he was far from stupid, he also did not like all this shit. He said that this is shit for a long time, he knew how the Armed Forces of Ukraine near Donetsk were strengthened and did not believe that ours would be able to quickly break through the defenses there.

After asking me why I was in a demi-season green, I told him how I had to buy it myself so that it was new and in size. He gave me a set of Ratnik masks and sneakers, saying that he had more, they had better support than ours, it was obvious that these were his things, they were not new but washed, I can not tell you how happy I was to them at that moment.

In general, I am amazed by our ability at the level of ordinary soldiers to help each other and unite in war, where we become brothers, in peaceful life we forget about it again. As much as ordinary soldiers unite there, as much as the big command does not care about us...

After lunch, several UAZ trucks arrived and we huddled there like sprats, along with mortars went to the city center, there were the rest of ours. Cordoning off the city center and controlling it, we were there until the evening, there was also a detachment of special forces I think Rosich (there was no opportunity to communicate with them normally). Mortars

were useless and we, along with the others, held the center of the city. Negotiations were underway in the administration.

It began to get dark and we again like sprats huddled in UAZ began to leave the city for the Kherson airport. While driving preparing for the attacks and holding weapons for the manufacture, local civilian looters were caught robbing their own stores. At the exit from the city, our riot police appeared reinforced with armored personnel carriers, they inspected rare civilian cars. Back at the airport in the dark, we were back in our dug trenches earlier. There we learned that while we were not at the airport shelled with artillery and there were casualties.

March 3

The next morning there was a rumor that we would go to the assault on Nikolaevsk and further to Odessa, I could not believe it, do they not understand at the top that people are exhausted ...

Soon the command came to everyone to load up and leave. The column of our regiment consisting of UAZ, trucks and BMD moved towards Nikolaevsk, we already had noticeably less equipment. We drove first along the highway, then some fields, as it turned out we were going to the assault on Nikolaevsky

Airfield. After lunch, our convoy driving through the fields began to be shelled with artillery, the column stopped, there were explosions nearby, we jumped out of the cars, made mortars for battle, had to run through a ditch in which my legs were knee-deep, I do not know who gave the coordinates, we made several volleys. Several UAZ trucks left in that direction, we ceased fire, saw explosions from artillery in front of the column next to us. First, the medical aid car went there, then it drove back, the Broken UAZ drove back in the wake of the trophy ambulance. Artillery shelling continued at us, but no more than three guns, the column was still standing, no one else gave coordinates. Half an hour later, the column moved on. There were private houses, abandoned Ukrainian equipment, it is clear that the not badly fortified positions of the Armed Forces of Ukraine were left recently. We came

the order to dig in at its outskirts while we were setting up the guns, supported by a platoon of ATGMs, there was a battle a little ahead, almost everyone went there. Around us were abandoned positions and equipment of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, boxes from under the Javelins and an abandoned Ukrainian BMP. There was shooting and explosions next to us but a little ahead, who, where, who, who does not understand, The Dagger-type missiles were flying, aircraft were heard, several Javelin-type missiles flew back over us. When it began to get dark, our UAZs began to go back past us. Stopping them and asking what was there, I realized that no one could explain clearly, they got into a cutter, ahead of the well-fortified positions of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, it seemed that ours were randomly retreating ...

Who's running all this shit? It was almost dark...

We also received a command for cars, after driving literally 500 meters away we got up and the command came to everyone to lie down silently and spend the night here. Without strength we slept in the bushes on the ground, very cold, patrolling at night, who was not clear where, there was a rumor that the combatant was killed ...

March 4

At dawn on the cars, we drive back, where it is not clear, after driving three kilometers, we take positions in the forest belt, turntables flew forward. Taking advantage of the pause on the go, someone is trying to eat, someone is trying to sleep. I see the company paramedic, I ask him "what's wrong with the company, Brother?", He answers "that one was killed, that one, that one was wounded." Again, it is not clear who fired artillery at us and from where. Hiding in a wooded area under a large tree, someone turns to an officer hiding behind the same tree.

"Comrade Major, what to do?"

The answer "I don't fuck what to do, I'm not a combatant, I'm a zampolit!" Everything is clear, no one expected another answer.

Again by cars, everyone randomly driving back, on the way I see the paratrooper battalion taking up positions leading the nones of the parachute battalion.

fire in the direction of Nikolaevsk, I see my company jumping on UAZ.

In general, the feeling that chaotically everyone is driving back, but on someone's order, the shooting has subsided.

I see turntables flying away from Nikolayevsk, later I learned that at least five were shot down there.

Let's go back, don't fucking understand...

I don't know why, but on the way back I got the impression that they could make peace? After all, before that, the commander said that on March 8 everyone would celebrate at home, and a couple of days ago I saw on TV in the port of Kherson how Kiev and Kharkov were bombed, that our cities were taken in a ring, there was a rumor that odessa was taken by marines ...

I don't know why, if you are delirious, tired, looking for hope, there was an idea that perhaps this is the End of the War, because at the top they must understand that 11 days without rest no one can effectively advance ...

After lunch, returning to the Kherson airport, we saw that there were more troops there, there was artillery Msta, Pinocchio, air defense and infantry, it was not so sad. The infantry was strangely dressed, old helmets and old camouflage, as it turned out later they were mobilized from the DPR ... We looked down on them, knowing that there would be no use for them, most were about 45 years old and they were dragged here by force. Now we have heard rumors that the infantry from the motorized riflemen massively refuse to go, perhaps that is why we do not have the opportunity to rest.

There was anger at the refuseniks.

Having already scored on everything, everyone burned fires and heated rations, having eaten and discussed rumors around the fire, we fell into the trenches without strength. Thanks to the arriving troops, there was a feeling that you can relax a little.

March 5

In the morning there was another rumor that we were moving back to Nikolayevsk... At night, the artillery worked on Nikolayevsk.

Gathering in the column we moved back there. Rushing through the fields in the suburbs and coming under artillery fire, we changed positions until the night ...

6   March

The morning began again with artillery fire on us. Jumping into the Cars and throwing smoke, we again stop at different places and again change positions when we come under fire, including Gradov with cluster munitions. By the way, the accuracy of the Ukrainian artillery then was not too high.

By the evening, having found a position somewhere near the border of Kherson and Mykolaiv regions, we disperse over a huge length of about 20 km, given our small number.

7   March

My crew with mortars is sent to positions next to my 6th company. Arriving there and spending one night, I meet my own, one of the sergeants says that there are few people in his platoon and four were lost near Nikolayevsk, without hesitation I say that I am going to the company in this platoon, especially since up to that moment the mortar was sitting roughly on the sidelines.

A little later, the mortar unit also began to suffer losses, losing more than half of the wounded.

Then for more than a month was Groundhog Day. We dug in, artillery worked on us, our artillery worked on the Armed Forces of Ukraine, our aviation was almost not visible. We just held positions in the trenches on the front lines, not to wash, not to eat, not to sleep normally. Everyone became overgrown with beards and dirt, the uniform and ankles began to fail. Various rumors began to appear, we did not see a high command. There are various rumors that many refuse to go to war, that we will be paid 5 million on our return, that we have almost won, that our losses are huge and NATO sends its fighters, that the dollar is 150, that the Sahara has risen in price.

three times. There was nothing to chew on but sukhpai and then time after time they said that one box for two days. Then they said that there were no more suhpais in the division. After some time, some clever man at the top decided to put a field kitchen behind our position, where volunteers from our company were found as cooks. Because of it, the shelling increased. They announced that they would pay money for each killed soldier of the Armed Forces of Ukraine or knocked out equipment, just as militants used to do in Chechnya. From our company they were looking for volunteers to be cooks, past volunteers refused, the shit that was sent for cooking was not particularly edible. Most didn't eat it at all. More than one clever person with stars did not guess to put a ban on the daytime movement of equipment because of what the shelling increased, from the drones it was clear where the equipment was going and after it with a high probability the shelling began, thanks to which almost all the equipment failed. In the end, they said that there is an IFV 1!And soon they will be with us. Which are already 60 years old! No one brought us new uniforms, shoes, ammunition and warm clothes.

A couple of the surviving boxes, called humanitarian aid, contained cheap socks, T-shirts, panties and soap. In fact, only parcels from relatives and wives in Feodosia reached us. But for some reason, the parcels did not always reach the addressee and were opened. It was only because of them that we became somehow

it's "normal" to eat tea, coffee, candy and canned food. From different directions, the Armed Forces of Ukraine tried to counterattack. While the Airborne Forces and 33 MSP from Kamyshin were holding out, they could not do it. Someone began to shoot himself in the limbs or deliberately stand up to get 3 million and fall out of this hell. Our prisoner had his fingers and genitals cut off. Dead Ukrainians at one of the posts began to be put on the seats giving them names and smoking.

At night, satellites flew above us as nowhere else in the world. A girl in a neighboring village had her heel torn off due to the shelling of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, our doctors helped her. Due to artillery shelling, some villages nearby practically ceased to exist. Everyone around me was getting angrier and angrier. Some grandmother poisoned us with pies. Almost everyone had a fungus, someone had teeth falling out, and the skin

peeled. Many discussed how when they returned, they would ask the command for the provision and not competent leadership.

Some began to sleep on duty due to fatigue. Sometimes we managed to catch a wave from the Ukrainian radio, where we were poured with mud and called orcs, this only embittered us even more.My legs and back hurt terribly, but I received an instruction not to evacuate anyone for diseases. Someone began to puff a lot not to understand where finding alcohol. There were rumors that we would be equated with veterans of the Second World War. Group O was withdrawn from kiev, saying that as a sign of goodwill, negotiations began. I immediately said that this is shit, no one would withdraw the group like this, so the losses are great. After the withdrawal of the O group, the pressure on us increased and helicopters and aircraft of the Armed Forces of Ukraine began to fly to our positions. The regiment held in position until the end. But there were losses. Each time I was shelled, I pressed my head into the ground and the thought floated back into my head that "Lord, if I survive, I will do everything to change this!". I don't know how, but I wanted all those responsible for the bluster and mess of our army to be punished. I wanted the war to end, there was hope that the politicians would finally agree. What happened can only be compared with stories about the Great Patriotic War, sometimes it seemed that the whole world was also at war. I was not afraid to die, I was offended, hurt so ridiculous to give my life, I was offended for everyone who gave their lives and health because of this shit it is not clear for what, for whom? How could I ruin that legendary 56 I knew! It was a shame that the top brass about us, they demonstrate in every possible way that we are inhuman to them, we are just like cattle. I was offended that before the war that we started, they did everything to break up our army. And every time I shelled, I kept saying, "Oh my God, I'll do anything to change that if I survive." Even then, I decided that I would describe the last year of my life so that as many people as possible would know what our army is now. An army that was confidently falling apart while we were all silent and believed

Parades on May 9 on Red Square, on May 9, when we thanked the ancestors who ended the war, did we unleash their descendants?

By mid-April, I had gotten ground in my eyes due to artillery fire, almost two months in the lenses dried my eyes, and the earth that got in it exacerbated it and keratitis began. After five days of torment, due to the threat of losing an eye, when the eye had already closed, I was evacuated.

This shit is over for me, but I can't let go of the bitterness from the fact that people there are still destroying each other and every day only generate more and more mutual hatred.

In this retelling of those events, I tried to convey as honestly and authentically as possible what was happening there, to convey my thoughts and feelings then, what I saw around. Retell as if I'm confessing to myself. I don't have the goal of fooling anyone, embellishing anything, or hiding anything. That's what I described, this war looked to me.

When I come back not believing my ears, I find out that it is forbidden to say War, seriously?

The law on the degradation of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation is directed against the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation themselves! What about the many other laws that make me not feel like a slave as a citizen?! Have they been cancelled?

Our government has found a wonderful way out for itself, to prohibit talking about it, we are allowed to speak only in a positive way. But I am convinced that hiding all this, we will never change anything for the better. Problems should be raised, discussed and resolved, and not hushed up and hidden, aggravating the current state of affairs even more. Probably to talk about all this, I am more afraid than to be in the war, because I understand that the system will chew me up and spit out the name

"traitor".

I survived unlike many others. My conscience tells me that I must try to stop this madness. I don't know where these thoughts came from, "Oh my God, if I survive, I'll do everything I can to stop it." But we will have to keep this promise...

As one famous song sings - "to stand on the back side of paradise, called hell" - I do not want.

A lot of people spoke about the reasons for the "failures" of our army.

"experts", often very far from the army. Let me express my opinion:

1 The main reason is that we did not have the moral right to attack another country, especially the people closest to us.

Most people in Russia pretend that nothing is happening and do not want to cloud their thoughts with this, and Ukraine rallied in the same way as the USSR in 1941. No matter how much both sides hate each other now. But thirty years ago, we were one country, the roots are Russians from Kiev, Ukrainians and Russians are the same people, we have many family ties. That is why everyone in Ukraine hated us, because betrayal

a "relative", much more painful than an outsider. We are divided by national borders and the different political views of our governments. But still, when it all started, I didn't know many people who believed in the Nazis, much less wanted to fight Ukraine. We had no hatred and we did not consider the Ukrainian people enemies. Many Russian citizens still do not think so, I draw this conclusion from communication with ordinary people around.

2 The second reason is how it all started, to start

"special operation" from the shelling of the territory of Ukraine by artillery, aviation and missiles ... What kind of reception from the civilian population did we count on if civilians woke up on February 24 from the explosions of artillery, aircraft and missiles? Ukrainian

the people, just like us, survived the invasion of the fascists in 1941-45. They were brought up on the exploits of grandfathers who fought against fascism. On the exploits of those who defended the country at the cost of their lives. What did we look like on February 24? Who expected that after such an beginning, the people would not unite against the invaders? Or was there a plan to sow real hatred between us?

3) The third reason is the terrible corruption and mess in our army, its moral and technical obsolescence. For twenty years, they entered military institutes for bribes and on a whim. Many ideological and worthy people who served in the army left it, realizing that it was useless to fight the system. That they will do anything but real military training.

Career growth is possible only if there are connections and loyalty to the system. In the current army, in order not to have problems, you must silently do what you said, even if you said complete stupidity. The system of military institutions and the structure of officer stages have outlived their usefulness. Of course, the officers will say that how do I know that I did not graduate from military institutes, and I will answer what exactly to see, so I can better see from the outside, because I was not taught for five years to silently carry out any order, but since childhood I have spent a lot of time watching how everything is arranged in the army and see how the whole world now sees,  that something is wrong with the Russian army.

Officers are still taught how to run a conscripted army rather than a professional army of contract soldiers, who are often older than young officers. Selection for the army is far from common sense, it is difficult to get a job, and it is even more difficult to quit. For many of these reasons, many really promising and interested in military affairs go to PMCs. The salary of a contractor is far from decent. It is worthy for people only from low-income segments of the population, which is surprising that many men do not want to go to the "contract" army. Is it any wonder that someone couldn't resist grabbing trophies in the form of a computer if their salary doesn't allow them to buy it? How can an army be run by people who have not served in it? How do they know and understand its problems and needs? How

really promising and enterprising contractors to break up? Nohow! A person must get a job in a military institute after school and come as a 21-year-old lieutenant in the army, go through 100 circles of hell from bureaucracy, mess and humiliation to become a company commander, then new circles of hell for the deputy battalion commander and so on again and again. Therefore, a huge number of officers leave such service and leave.

Those who still rose to high positions, sit silently clinging to the post with their teeth and do not overdo it, because it is not in vain that they endured so much to achieve this. At the same time, not realizing that it is because of the fact that they are silent, the system eats itself. The creation of strong and friendly teams is impossible in such conditions. We all dreamed of being in the military, not doing anything but real military training, but in the end we do anything but military training.

The system passes up not the most promising, strong and smart, but those who were able to adapt to it, the higher you climbed the more you had to get dirty. In our country, millions of men have left the army because there is no common sense in this system, you either silently do or leave. Military regulations are written for the army of the past and they have not yet been adapted to modern realities. We all work there, not make the army stronger. Everyone knows this, but we are all silent. We were forbidden to say this and raise these problems, if you talk about what is wrong, then you are a traitor, as a result, we now continue to fall into the abyss of our inaction. Modern warfare will not allow you to win by the number of untrained infantry. Tanks, planes, ships and missiles are all great, but you need a strong professional, mobile, disciplined assault infantry. It cannot become so without training, preparation, selection and strong motivation. In order for such infantry to appear, there must be an opportunity for feedback, when the problems and needs voiced below will be heard and will begin to be solved at the top, and not demand to pretend to then report that everything is fine. At the moment, many who returned from the war leave taking away from

my own experience, even if it may be a negative experience. Because upon return they cannot achieve the due payments, treatment and seeing that no one is going to change anything. Everyone sees that not all seven received compensation for the dead. A person is reported missing, but no one cares when witnesses come and say that they saw him die. Awards are not always given to those who deserve them and are not given to those who deserve them. In our regiment, I don't know of anyone being given anything but posthumously. At the same time, I heard that a decree was signed for me to award the Zhukov Medal. But at the same time, I will not receive it, I do not believe that I have done something good and somehow deserved it. It is impossible to win modern warfare with the number of mobilized and untrained infantry. Volleys of artillery and MLRS will grind down this crowd. Many of our equipment is outdated or insufficient, and the complex supply chain of new ones does not work effectively.

Much exists only on paper and reports.

Our ammunition and uniforms are uncomfortable and of poor quality, as evidenced by the fact that most servicemen buy and change into American, European or even Ukrainian models. Why not ask the soldier what he needs? But before that, assure him that for the truth he has been told, he will not receive from his superiors...

Why again, as in 1941, we are not ready for the modern military reality, because if they attack us now, it will cost us millions of lives. Why doesn't history teach us anything?

Why do millions of men who served in the army know about this and keep silent?!

Going back, as I wrote at the beginning, my eyes were treated and released on all four sides on a sneeze that I was limping from behind my legs and back, and my right eye could not see well even with correction.

After being examined in a private hospital at his own expense, he found out that the cause of pain in the legs and back was a sequestered hernia in the lower back, a hernia in the neck and three protrusions. I was diagnosed with dorsopathy against the background of degenerative-dystrophic changes in the spine, muscular-tonic syndrome, astheno-

neurotic syndrome. For our reality in military hospitals, this is generally considered healthy, they will not be treated.In the sanatorium, despite the existing order for rehabilitation, no one sent me. I also had to be treated and buy medicines at my own expense. For two months I tried to get treatment from the army, went to the prosecutor's office, went to the command, to the head of the hospital, wrote to the president. Nobody cares, no one helped. Not insurance, not treatment. I asked to be transferred to other troops because objectively blind and with a sore back in the Airborne Forces I do not belong, according to the fate of my father, I already know that no one will appreciate this and my problems are only my problems. Spitting on everything, after a conversation with the deputy commander, I decided to go through the VVK and leave for health reasons. Having handed over the documents and having passed the doctors, no one appoints a meeting of the VVK for me, for a month, as a result, they say that they lost my documents, and the command stated that I was evading service and handed over the documents to the prosecutor's office to initiate a criminal case, not caring that I was prevented from passing the VVK. Many taking such a pont try to send back.

Battalion Zampolit, Mr. Schennikov, a scoundrel and alkash, who sat next to me under artillery fire during the unsuccessful assault on Nikolayevsk, when our battalion commander was killed, answered the questions of the fighters

"what are we doing?" replied in a panic "I don't fuck what to do in my heart, I'm just a battalion deputy!" Later, he drunkenly rolled over in a UAZ and probably spent it as an injury during the fighting. His command sent him back as an alcoholic. And now this "officer", having returned from the war, bravely starts a case against me for my absence from the service, avenging my attempts to enforce the laws against me, for the fact that I complained about him, for fruitless attempts to achieve justice through the Ministry of Defense, the Chief Military Prosecutor's Office and a letter to the President. Taking advantage of the fact that I decided to leave this mess for health reasons, I have been going through the VVK for more than a month, the meeting of the commission is not scheduled, and as a result, my documents were simply lost there, there are a massive shortage of doctors in the hospital, the old dilapidated hospital is filled with wounded in the corridors.

Just yesterday, he just stood in front of everyone with impunity and said that he did not care, write letters to the president, now he is absolutely sure that he can behave as he pleases, apparently they were already given carte blanche from above. Their goal, for the sake of a new star, is to throw as many people back as possible, albeit without training and equipment. Finding a soldier who could not answer him, he just stood and insulted him, calling him "chmo, fuck and scum", for the fact that he did not want to go to such a war again. Finding those with whom you can talk like this, they are simply humiliated and persecuted. With those who will not allow themselves to talk like this, they will simply open a case under any pretext or find another mechanism of influence. During all the time in the war, I can't remember how the officers delved into the problems and led the soldiers, many were drunk and sat in normal fortifications, while all the shit was done by ordinary contractors. That's where the officers were, we needed you as father commanders, that's where we needed to prove ourselves. And not in the daily service of useless constructions, workers and outfits. Where the measurement of a good soldier is reduced to shaving and obedience. The only one who was the authority there for ordinary contractors was a dead combatant. I don't want to say that all contractors are good and all officers are bad. But at least it's not normal for most of the officers to be praised positively by his soldiers.

And it's not normal for officers to look, behave, and look down on contractors. Is it not in our history that such injustice led to the revolt of soldiers and sailors under the red banner? God forbid that this will happen again.

An army in which they persecute their own soldiers... those who have already been to the war, those who do not want to return there, it is not clear why for them, those who know what is full of the dead, whose relatives have not been compensated, and the wounded and sick, in most cases are denied compensation and insurance. In a war in which everyone will not care about your provision, about what you will eat and drink. Where even the parcels are sent

relatives and friends can be stolen. Where humanitarian aid often does not reach the front line and all the cream ends up in the headquarters on the second line. I did not believe that it would come to this, but in this war they just decided to throw Ukraine with our corpses, the women are still giving birth. When more than half of the regiment is gone, someone left for various reasons, sick and wounded, dead. There are even those who have not yet been paid anything, because according to the documents they were not there, and again letters to the Ministry of Defense do not carry any result. Three guys in my company, having served eight months before the war, did not have military IDs! And now they simply bring to the regiment people from civilians, often aged 40 or more, to contracts of 3 months and without any training, without providing them normally, they are trying to close the holes in the personnel. The legendary 56 makes a militia regiment... surely Uncle Vasya would have just been horrified to see what the Airborne Forces had turned into. There are hundreds of thousands of men in the country who served in the Airborne Forces, have you forgotten how paratroopers were thrown in Afghanistan and Chechnya? Accept? So now, how we were treated in Ukraine will outweigh everything in history! We've always been on the front lines, and in the end, a broken system threw a lot of people away.

Why do many people have such a feeling that at the top they are just trying to exterminate us by using troops for other purposes and putting them in such conditions! Although they did not think of landing on the ILs! With all that, I don't know who would have run away! I know those who come back and don't want to go back there.

Despite the lack of normal training and support, I did not see any escapees! But now I really see that the troops are exterminated by the incompetent leadership, after the losses of wounded and killed, the Airborne Forces simply recruit everyone in a row and immediately throw them to the front line. The last rumor that they will be recruited from prisons is a faggot. Are you not ashamed of what this inept command did to the Airborne Forces? Who is the traitor? Am I for what is it?

Or is the command turning a blind eye to all this for the sake of a career? Who believes that this war can be won like this?!

Why did they unleash all this at all?! Where are the real enemies?

How can the government get mad at those who must, at the cost of life and health, carry out their plans incomprehensible to us.

After returning from the hospital and gaining access to the phone and the Internet, I began to greedily absorb information from everywhere.

Our federal sources dryly and hid the truth carried a blizzard about some other reality.

Bloggers and youtube stars said they were ashamed to be Russians and ashamed of Putin's army. Handsome fuck, while we were there not understanding why and why, dying, crippling and enduring what in the mine of life can not imagine, you called us Putin's army! We are not Putin's army, we are the army of Russia and we swore an oath to the people of Russia, and you, who carry a passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation, are Russia and if you could not collect your eggs in fists and go with other people to demand from the government (which you chose) the abolition of the war, then all this shit is on your hands. Russia is not Putin, Russia is people with Russian passports. The army of the Russian Federation cannot make decisions, there is a strict hierarchy, so that tomorrow if someone attacks us, then the Army does not think, but immediately acts to protect your sassy ass, which you hid abroad. And you say you're ashamed of us? Are we ashamed of you? Where were you while we were dying, maiming and suffering from deprivation? Where is?! You were afraid for your comfort and couldn't go out to the administration building and say "No to war!" for fear of getting adminship. I will tell you a secret that even many riot policemen chasing people at rallies refuse to go there so that women and old people do not scream in their faces.

"occupiers", many of them do not want to participate in this. There is no war, it is these consalidated words that can stop anything.You sat in your comfortable homes, or abroad and whined that you are ashamed of "Putin's army" for us. Tear up your passport and don't dare call yourself Russian, there's never anywhere to go! In the West, citizens like you are also not needed, if you do not know, then read about how Western society built democracy at the cost of its own blood, as US citizens

to get this status died and fought with Britain for the sake of independence and citizenship status! How U.S. citizens were able to stop the Vietnam War! What did you do? You ran away! By telling the world that the army is not yours! What a shame you are about the nation! How ashamed of the president who became King because of your inaction and cowardice! You're a plebeian! You don't deserve to be a citizen! I am ashamed of you, just as I am ashamed of my incompetent command thinking only of its ass, just as I am ashamed of a government that thinks only of itself and forgets about the people as a president detached from reality, just as I am ashamed of you as a citizen of the Russian Federation who wears a passport, but hiding and is not capable of anything but whining,  you are a slave and a product of a corrupted system, tear up your passport, or go and become a citizen, if you are not ready to put anything on the line, then do not disgrace the long-suffering country in which you are a parasite and nothing more. Most soldiers don't want to kill anyone, much less want war, but we are shackled by laws, we are shackled by guilt towards our fellow soldiers, no one wants to be a coward, we cannot drop our weapons and escape, shackled by the sense of patriotism through which we are being used by propaganda.

When I returned to Russia, I struggled with the strange feeling that I am against the war and I feel sorry for the people of Ukraine, and that I am drawn back, because the most real and real life opens before you only in the face of death, when you realize that at any moment you will be gone, only at this moment you understand what life is and how beautiful this world is. Mixed with these feelings was the fact that I am ashamed to be safe while others sacrifice themselves, especially since returning back from you will fall behind the command in every way trying to spoil your life for refusal. We have all become hostages to many factors, such as revenge, patriotism, money, debt, career, fear of the state.

I believe that we played a game, we did not join the DPR and LPR, we started a terrible war, the war in which is being destroyed.

which leads to the death of children, women and the elderly. I believe that ukrainians are also to blame for this, when they did not stop their ogales who shouted that they had been at war with Russia for eight years, (with the same success our propaganda yells that we are fighting WITH NATO) when they did not silence those who were going to march in defeated Moscow, on Red Square. Did you scream? Despite the fact that the Russian army has shown the whole world all its flaws and mess in it, but nevertheless in Ukraine Hell and the Armed Forces of Ukraine are no less losses than the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation, in a country in which there are many of our relatives, the military of both countries and civilians who happen to be nearby are dying. Our rabid ones have picked up your wave and dragged everyone into the war, now we are all drawn into madness. We, the two fraternal peoples, the Slavs, destroy the Slavs, we hate each other like madmen. We are the two peoples of the victor of fascism, we ourselves turn into fascists on both sides, while the majority silently watches this, fearing for their safety. Of course, most of the blame for this is on Russia, because we were the first to attack, but we should not forget how many slogans there were in Ukraine, where Russians were directly insulted and called second class. How the whole youTube was full of videos from Ukraine with allegedly "proof" that Russia is a country with second-class people. Fuck off! And all sorts of devils are just happy to watch us destroy each other.

As if for whom, maybe crazy it didn't seem, but there's only one way to stop it. Both our peoples, Orthodox Christians, we both must begin to forgive each other, revenge and hatred will only aggravate the situation every day.

Millennia of history have taught people that war is pointless, but we can't figure it out. If it is at the level of nations that we cannot extend the hand of trying each other on, then we will simply destroy each other. Those who are rabid from Ukraine are screaming about how they will seize the Kremlin and after they liberate Ukraine they will not stop there, not realizing that this aggravates the situation, that such slogans make even those who are against the war in Ukraine think. Ukrainians mock and cut off the genitals of our soldiers, ours bomb cities with missiles from which they die

women and children, and propaganda on both sides only adds fuel to the fire openly calling on you and me to destroy each other... it's just a horror, wake up, we are people, we are Orthodox, we are not different, we are not enemies, we were pitted like dogs in the arena and we felt the blood can not stop! Where are all these Christian churches! That you will not say to offend a believer, but where are all these believers who have suddenly forgotten the commandments of the prophets! We violate the main ones, we hate and exterminate each other! How can we believe the church after that?! She blesses us to destroy each other! I wouldn't be surprised if it comes to nuclear weapons, if people don't start talking about the problem. Everything is in the hands of our peoples, not governments. The government is the representatives of the people, until the people make it clear to the government that no one wants war, this extermination of each other will continue. I met a huge number of ordinary people on the street who are against the war and a small number of those who say that we probably had no choice, but at the same time I did not meet anyone who would say that they want to go and kill. How, with all this, does the extermination of each other continue?! And God forbid someone think that I am calling for the barricades, it will only lead to more blood. Now is the moment when we have to tell the truth, and the truth is that the majority in both Russia and Ukraine do not want to kill each other. And while this majority sits in silence, more and more people are drawn into the war.

With each day this madness continues, there are only more deaths and hatred for each other for the dead that are added on both sides daily.

Perhaps many will not understand this, but this is the reason why people who did not sacrifice themselves in the war do not have the right to decide on its start, launching this mechanism that is difficult to stop later. What moral right and who has to decide on a war where thousands of your citizens and citizens of another country must die there?

I do not see in the trenches the children of Skobeeva, Solovyov, Kiselev, Rogozin, Lavrov, Medvedev, for that I constantly hear from them

calls to kill. The son of which Duma deputy is he in the war? Are their children more talented and intelligent than the children of workers and peasants? Or parents do not wish them such a fate as we have, when many go there because this is at least some chance to earn.

They are ready only to scream that it is necessary to send to death for the sake of the children of workers and peasants who are out of touch with reality!

In our country, the population is aging endlessly. There are a lot of old and sick people around, and we are unleashing a war in which young and healthy men who trusted propaganda are dying.

All they can do is send their children and mistresses to study and live in the West! Get citizenship there and enjoy real justice there!They want everything that is there! But they are not able to create anything like this in Russia, everything that they did was stolen and plundered the country, thinking only about themselves! All these reforms and initiatives served only as an enrichment for those who spent the budget.

I am ashamed of the officers and command who have exchanged honor and conscience for pensions, stars and awards!

Thank God that once I did not enter the military institute, because almost everyone knows how long it took there for bribes, starting in 2000 and this is the generation of officers we have now!

How few commanders have become able to raise their men to the attack and lead them! How few of you are able to cover your fighter with yourself, and it is for this that every soldier will then save you! Not for paperwork and licking the ass of the command you went to the service! Each of you is a commander for whom people must go! How many ordinary contractors have heard that we are second class! I will never forget the evening formations at which the commander begins to tell how some freak somewhere raped his grandmother and that God forbid some freak of you does this, and you stand and think "What are you carrying?!". Yes, most have no education and they are from

dysfunctional families, but this does not give you the right to communicate condescendingly and send people into battle remaining safe, while receiving much greater salaries and rewards! What are you now taught in military institutes? Suvorov's testaments are not taught? Instead of uniting the team, for the most part you follow the rule of "divide and rule", destroying collectives.

I am ashamed of the government at any level from the village to the capital! I'm ashamed of the teachers who fake the election!

I am ashamed of the doctors who destroyed health care and are looking only for profit!

I'm ashamed of the police dying of corruption! When police help and protection are often really needed, it is impossible to get it. And I have no doubt that the majority went there for the purpose of protection.

Why have our courts become the epitome of injustice? I cannot believe that the judges went there only for profit, and not for the sake of administering justice.

I can't believe that the prosecutor's office employs people who went there not wanting to be a bulwark of the law for citizens.

Why don't we have representatives of the people in the Duma?!

I am ashamed of our people, who are walled off from all this, hoping that they will not be crushed. It hasn't dawned on you yet that will affect everyone! Every year we are all turned into slaves more and more harshly. If you don't want to, we'll force it, if you disagree, if you don't like it, we'll put you in jail.

I'm ashamed of myself, that I can't and don't know how to fix it all!

But the most terrible and the most important institution of the state is the army! There is no one country created without an army! An army is a country! The army is the face of the people! The army is those who at the cost of their lives must defend the borders of the country in case of a threat to it! None of us wants to be an invader, we did not grow up on such ideals, we all wanted to be defenders and were brought up on the glory of the ancestors who defeated fascism that came to us, and now they made invaders out of us!

The most terrible thing is the collapse of the army, which is what has long happened in our country. If parents do not want to send their children to the army, then everything is already bad. Most of those who have weight, power and money in this system do not give their children to the army, realizing that everything is bad there. The Kiselyovs, Solovyovs, Simonyans and others will scream to the end, sending everyone to war as long as they are paid for it, but they send their children to the decaying west. Even if we are able to take over all of Ukraine years later, but what the hell do we need it for, is there not enough land left to us by our ancestors? How many millions of Russians, Ukrainians and other peoples of Russia do we need to destroy for this? How impoverished our country will be after that. Well, you people, wake up. I don't understand what's going on, why everything has been turned upside down, and how we have quietly arrived at it. Probably the same as two years ago, despite the fact that everyone understood the uselessness of the mask, but humbly walked in them because they were forced, and now suddenly Covid has disappeared from Russia altogether.

We are just now destroying our army, which was already far from being in the best position. When our army is completely weakened, do you think the militia is armed and without equipment will be able to resist the modern army of China, the United States or the EU that has already attacked us? No, after we further weaken our army with our own indifference, someone else's army will come to us and in modern warfare no one will fight back with pitchforks and guns.

Years later, when our people will be exhausted from war and poverty, when it will reach everyone again, how terrible the war is, when we will starve, when state employees will again stop receiving salaries, because the state has gone bankrupt, then it will reach everyone, but nothing can be changed. Russia itself will fall apart, and then good uncles from the West will come to it, who frightened children and China, will lend a helping hand in exchange for land and resources . When the exhausted people have nothing to eat again, when they are unable to field an army, that is when this people will forget about all imperial ambitions and will agree to any conditions. No

one empire in history, all empires fall apart sooner or later.

Now we follow the path of Byzantium...

We don't need an empire, we all need a normal, free, just, modern country. Where you can live, develop, work and love.

I believe in God, but I don't see God in our church forgetting the main commandment "Thou shalt not kill" and blessing us to kill our Orthodox brothers. I just can't believe it until now. I don't want to be Kochubey, I want to be Peresvet. In my understanding, upbringing, conscience and heart, there is a justification for murder only if I save my life, someone else's life or defend my land from an invader.

What the hell did you send me to Ukraine? What the hell is it that after that, having lost your health and wanting to resign, you want to imprison me by depriving me of all the rights prescribed in the guarantees for military personnel? Why? For the fact that I do not see the point in the war in Ukraine? For the fact that I did not have the health to carry out these crazy orders there? For trying to get justice complaining about the website of the president and the Ministry of Defense that the whole command is busy only with the fact that they need to send people to war as much as possible? And their whole goal will last until the next star. More than a month has passed, and I have not been given an answer according to the laws!

One Airborne Colonel, a former friend of my father, told me

"Pasha, I'm a grain of sand in this system, and you're a speck of dust." I may be a speck of dust and mine to rot in a "beautiful" Russian prison, but I will not be silent! My conscience and all my nature says that I despise this broken system! Which I'm doing right! I am a man brought up on the exploits of Russian weapons and the glorious history of his ancestors, who has long resigned himself to dying, now they are making some kind of traitor and trying to expose me to the fact that you cannot say what you think, for not wanting to serve in such an army, for not seeing the point in this war! They tricked me into

a fratricidal war, and now they will surely be imprisoned! There is nothing more I can do now than write down everything that has accumulated in my soul during this stupidity! For me, God is not in the church! He is inside me, in the form of my conscience and my conscience says that I am doing everything right! Those who crippled and recycled the priceless human material of people ideologically and spiritually ready to give their lives for the sake of the Motherland! How many people have already given their lives? For what? So many men capable of sacrificing themselves were so ineptly squandered! All that has been done over the years is to perfectly educate the slaves of the system! From a great and educated people, the richest and most respected country in the whole world, they made a herd of weak-willed slaves! This is all that they could steal, divide and dupe a great nation!

In my understanding, this government is either completely inept, or there are agents of the West whose goal is to destroy the country. My favorite book is Quiet Don, as much as I would like to repeat this story, but at the top they are doing everything to repeat it.

Around, most people are unhappy with what is happening, but everyone was intimidated, everyone twisted their hands and gagged. And this is done just as often by dissatisfied people, but by the will of fate found themselves in the executive system. What's wrong with our intelligence agencies? After all, there went the same people with whom we all grew up and were brought up on the same values. Why is everyone who is dissatisfied with something and raises the topic that the country is overflowing with injustice, is declared agents of the West and enemies of the people!?

Once, for general development, I read Phagavad Gitta and all I see is that the Kali Yuga predicted there is what surrounds us now. A great country is mired in lies, deception, theft and substitution of values. Huge lands are empty, the ecology is destroyed, the economy collapses, the people are mired in the vice of money due to poverty, and the money is for the unscrupulous and sold. From the people of the victor, they made the people an invader and an aggressor for the whole world! Apparently, now is the time when the people are responsible for the consequences of their inaction and indifference. All branches of the state have degraded - the Ministry of Defense,

healthcare, education, the judicial system, agriculture, production and industry, the space industry, the military-industrial complex, sports, culture, have devalued the status of a citizen by flooding the country with immigrants ... And all this was not told to me on the Internet, this is what I see every day and everywhere.

The people in power themselves did not serve in the army and do not understand what it is to be ready to give their lives and health for the sake of the country for a penny salary, they do not understand what it means to live on 30-50 thousand rubles a month, when you can not afford much on it, the only thing that in an incentive to you is patriotism, it seems that it has long been absent in the people,  but when you are at war, you remember the great ancestors, those who gave their lives for us to live in the greatest country in the world, destroying the strongest conquerors of the world as the Tatar-Mongols, Napoleonic France or Hitler's Germany, great ancestors who, at the cost of their blood, gave us the opportunity to possess the largest amount of natural resources in the world. Not so long ago, we were considered the most educated nation in the world, the strongest army in the world and one of the greatest cultures of this world, why do veterans die in poverty in my country, why have we forgotten who we are? Why have we fallen so low in all areas?

Why are we now in Ukraine with weapons, because our roots are from Kiev, a thousand years ago our ancestors came out of there and created a great country?! Why should I die now, along with these guys around me, probably as well as thousands before me in Afghanistan, Chechnya, Dagestan, Yugoslavia, Karabakh, Georgia, Syria and many other regions, because the vast majority of the country will not remember about us when we are gone, there will be no men ready to give the most valuable thing that a person has is his life and health,  willing to give it up for their country. We have no idea what's going on and why the orders came to follow this or capture this, we're in the unknown where, we're doing the unknown, while you're recording a video on YouTube, that you're ashamed to be Russian while you're very good.

probably slanted by the army, living in a great country, speaking the richest language, instead of plucking up the courage and going out to protest in the street of your city, you run away from the country or anonymously write on the Internet that you are ashamed to be Russian or "glory to Ukraine", "the death of Putin's army". Putin's army is the army of the Russian Federation and if you have a passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation, then this is your army, if you are not satisfied with what it does, so declare it and demand its withdrawal from the government, while you have no time to be interested in politics, which, with the tacit consent of the citizens of the Russian Federation, is completely detached from reality. While you were writing this, people like me were preparing for death worrying that if only everything was fine in Russia, many died or were already crippled, with thoughts of experience and not understanding what was happening there in Russia, whether my house and my loved ones were intact. I will tell you a secret, the majority in the army are dissatisfied with what is happening there, dissatisfied with the government and their command, dissatisfied with Putin and his policy, dissatisfied with the Minister of Defense who did not serve in the army and does not understand it as well as you are not a fuck, but expecting from you, at least some actions, because I, as a soldier, for writing this,  from 7 to lifelong shines, and possibly death from some traveler

a "comrade" who thought I was a traitor who was chaiting our army.

I do not know how to convey to millions of biomass with passports of citizens of the Russian Federation that we ourselves are to blame for everything that is happening, it is us, we are all to blame for the death of citizens of the Russian Federation and Ukraine, are you a citizen of Russia? You said that nothing depends on you in the elections, didn't you? You didn't go to the polls, did you? Did you bribe traffic cops? Did you buy a degree at university? You knew that all state-forming institutions, such as the police, courts, healthcare, education, have rotted in the country, and the army is the most important and most complex institution of the state, without your own army, a foreign army will appear in the country. All of us, millions of citizens watched indifferently while our country was collapsing all these years, but if you do not understand this, then it is better to jump out of the window. On

my opinion, people who are not interested in their country and politics in it should be deprived of the electoral right to vote. The country is full of people who do not know anything about it, not history, not geography, not political structure, people who did not give the country anything and at the same time do not want to do anything, people because of whose indifference all this began ...

But such "citizens" also often like to talk about

"politicians", statements that "We can repeat" (go and repeat! why are you not yet on the front line?) or "Navalny faggot, I am sure that he is an agent of the West" (yes, to annoy whose agent he is, you were given a breakdown on the shelves about which official stole how much (from you and me) and instead of demanding the whole country to conduct a transparent investigation and punish or acquit them,  we have done nothing, we do not want to be citizens of our country, I see that we behave and live like plebeians... It is not surprising that there were unscrupulous people who usurped power in the country and raised themselves to an absolute, because the plebeians are not ready to make decisions and take risks, everything will be decided for them and their opinion will not be asked. It seems that serfdom has remained in the subcortex of the population. This whole crowd cannot unite on more than one issue. So many motley people carry a passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation that it is simply impossible to unite them in more than one initiative for the common good. Some scream that they are ashamed to be Russians and whine about it to the whole world sitting in comfort and warmth, ashamed to be Russian? So kill the freak! Ashamed of the war? So go and get the authorities to end the war! That you disgrace the whole nation with your whining at the whole world, you are a citizen of the Russian Federation, you have the right to your position, you have the right to express your views, but before you express them, get acquainted at least with the article in Wikipedia on the topic about which you are going to talk! Others scream that we are a great country and the whole world wants to destroy us, but at the same time they do not want to do anything for it, they do not want to be citizens of their country, they do not want to influence politics within it, they do not want anything, putting these Z on the glass of your imported car, you decided that you contributed to the victory? Get ready and run to the front,  monster

just before that, remember what our ancestors said, and they raised a toast not only "For Victory" but also such as "if only there was no war" or you forgot how the fighters in Chechnya and Afghanistan said that war is terrible, show me at least one person who remained sane after the war and said that he wants more! They return there to earn money or because they are ashamed of the fact that they are safe while the majority is there, they are influenced through feelings of patriotism, camaraderie and duty. But is patriotism about the willingness to destroy a neighboring state, and not about love for one's own country? Why was love of country and love of government put on an equal footing?

But a large mass in the country takes a cunning position of waiting, "I don't know the hut from the edge", they are not happy with all this and understand that everything is getting worse and worse, but they do nothing, let others dig in, sit and see who wins,

"idiots who are ashamed to be Russians" or "rabid with the letter Z on the glass of a  car", I will join those who will win. Usually these "citizens" argue that nothing depends on them, or "I have a family, children", so it is "You have children!", I do not understand you at all, you want them to live in such a country of surrealism?! What future do you want them?! Every year the country falls more and more rapidly to the bottom of this world!

How much I have heard in my life about the greatness of our army from a variety of people who have not even been there, but when I tried to explain something to them, I heard only a set of stereotypes from propaganda and think about the fact that our army is in decline they could not hear any arguments. There is another category of people, even more dangerous, these are those who are in this army, those who see the whole mess from the inside lie to themselves and everyone around that everything is not so bad. They have different motives, left a little before retirement, big stars on the shoulders for which he all his life shoved common sense away and endured for so many years anything to advance his career in this rotten system. Now all these people are seeing how they were sticking their tongues in the

The army was destroyed so much that it was unable to cope even with the Ukrainian army. What kind of America or China can we talk about? The collapse of our army is approaching the arrival of a stranger, ask Ukrainians how much they like the presence of a foreign army, and not those who "are ashamed to be Russian", not those who "wanted to repeat", the presence of a foreign army in our country will not like it in this case you will immediately regret your criminal inaction, but it will be too late.

I've gotten so tired of looking at the growing stupidity in my country over the years that I just don't care. Imprison for life, I don't want to see it all.

I'm not a slave! I'm not a coward! I'm a patriot! I'm sorry that this is my fate! I feel sorry for the Ukrainian, fraternal people for me! But even more, I feel sorry for the used Russian people, the peoples of the great USSR, whose people were used by others, but more unscrupulous, who are destroying the largest and greatest country in the world! My great-grandfather fought for this country, and he was dekulakized and exiled to Siberia! My father left early, giving his health to this country, and in return he could not get normal medical care! I, like many others who arrived from the war in Ukraine, cannot get normal medical care and have to be treated and buy medicines at my own expense. Who else believes in justice and guarantees in this country?

I understand that the name is mine, this system will mix with the gavn for everything that I wrote here and hide forever in the most distant prison. Nevertheless, I cannot remain silent:

I'm not a coward and I never have been. I am not satisfied with what is happening in my country. If I come from war and I have no right to say "No to war!", then who does? No one? Isn't this a sign that serf slavery is again in the country?

I was brought up on the exploits of the Russian people over the invaders! I was not taught by my parents, not in a military school, not in college, not in the army to be an invader! We Russians are not murderers of children, women and the elderly! They are trying to make some ISIS out of us. Most of those who are now at war are dragged there.

deception, blackmail or necessity. The system has built everything so that many military can not leave because of the mortgage, the approaching pension or the banal financial need. Someone does not want to be a coward, but there are hardly many who are fighting ideologically.

Most do not want war and are not dibils who believe in The Nazis and want to kill everyone. There are people mostly like you who want peace, who want to go home to family and friends. Who, like Ukrainian soldiers, do not want to die and like ours do not want to kill everyone. I don't know of a single case of any of our people abusing people or even more so of raping women there, of course I can't speak for the entire army.

Here is one of the cases that I know, one guy from my regiment, the Ukrainian media on all channels accused him of allowing him to rape Ukrainian women. He had the stupidity to call his wife from the front line, as a result, his conversation was recorded and cut, they exposed everything as if she allowed him to rape Ukrainian women and they laughed at it together. It's a lie, this guy was almost always in front of my eyes and the places we were in didn't imply a female presence.

Where did he rape them there? Who did he rape there? In a column? In a foxhole? In Kherson, on the streets of which almost no one was at the time of the assault? Everywhere we were civilians there were almost no civilians and more often than not they went as far as possible. Even if someone were going to rape someone, I have no doubt that his comrades would have shot him in the leg himself.

This is a blatant lie, this particular case, turned upside down, a competent cut of the conversation is made. The media on both sides of us is just pouring lies to encourage us to kill each other as fiercely as possible, and we, like fools, believe in everything and rejoice in a new portion of shit that is thrown at us like fans. Again, of course I can't vouch for the entire army. As no one adequate from the Armed Forces of Ukraine will be able to vouch for all his own. Does anyone have any doubts that in the Armed Forces of Ukraine there were also those who did not deny themselves moroderism, considering it their trophies? The worst thing is that under artillery fire,

aviation and missiles are dying children! Our Slavic children! There are very few of us Slavs in the world! But do you believe that an evil Russian soldier is deliberately pointing guns at them? He was given coordinates, he has no idea where he was shooting, he was told that there was an enemy, of course this is not an excuse, but you should not make all the survivors and killers. The main enemy of both Russians and Ukrainians is propaganda, it only further fuels hatred in people.

I do not want to justify anyone, but if we do not understand that our madness with a veil of hatred in front of us from the crazy propaganda of the destruction of each other, if we Slavs do not calm down and do not sober up from hatred, then we simply will not be, not Ukraine, not Russia.

Hatred and murder will destroy us, we must reach out to each other.

I fought in Ukraine, if I have no right to say "no to war", then who has the right to start it? I cannot bring our army home, but I can tell my experience and my thoughts about participating in this war and encourage my fellow citizens to deal with their own country in which there are so many problems of their own. Who put an equal footing between supporting the government in the decision to start a war and supporting their army, which should execute this shit? Despite all the injustice towards me, I still love my army and will not forget the death of comrades, most often young, those who are ready to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their country. I can even find an excuse for a government that is out of touch with reality because the people are afraid and unwilling to express their position and influence politics. A vicious circle of some kind, we are all to blame, but conclusions must be drawn, it is necessary to begin to correct our fall. Where is the breadth of the Russian soul? Where is our nobility and spirituality? I can't believe that we have become serf slaves again, but for the sake of freedom, our ancestors shed so much of their own blood. It may not change anything, but I will not participate in this madness.

Morally, it would be easier if Ukraine attacked us, but the truth is that we came there and the Ukrainians did not call us.

It seems to me very suspicious that the army was systematically destroyed, convincing the population through TV about the opposite, despite the fact that millions of men who had served earlier, know and saw that the army was falling apart. At the same time, we were told that our main enemy was NATO and Ukraine. And as a result, having destroyed the army, they begin a real war.

I understand that this gesture of peace will cost me dearly, but I cannot shut up my conscience. Surely a "fair" trial will give me up to life, they will tell me that I was bought and I am an agent of the West, but I can no longer silently look at all this. I was not afraid of the war in Ukraine, it was infinitely offensive that I could not change anything. But for some reason I am afraid to publish this text in my country, to voice what I think, because here you can no longer tell the truth and what you think, here you can not defend your legal rights, here you can only go to die to war for the sake of unformed goals or survive for the sake of the happy future of the country, which for some reason is constantly running away from us.

NO WAR!!!

Ha мoй пocлeдний вздox Ko мнe явилcя Бoг

И aс сс e cka-a- a: C

И дьявoл вcлeд зa ним Pacceяв eдkий дым Mнe мopaль пpoчeл Чтo oн нe пpичeм

Я зaпутaн, гдe пpaвдa и лoжь?

Чтo пoceeшь, тo в итoгe и пoжнeшь! Я oдин, я cтoё у вpaт

C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя, нaзывaeмoй aд

C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя, Haзывaeмoй, нaзывaeмoй aд

Ceгoдня Бoг ckaзaл: Mнe cтыднo keм ты cтaл Moй зaблудший cын.

Я coглaceн c ним

И дьявoл мackу cняв Cвoe лицo пoдняв   Oн выглядeл kak я И я oтвeл лишь взгляд

Я зaпутaн, гдe пpaвдa и лoжь?

Чтo пoceeшь, тo в итoгe и пoжнeшь! Я oдин, я cтoё у вpaт

C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя, нaзывaeмoй aд C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя,

Haзывaeмoй, нaзывaeмoй aд

Я пoгpужaюcь, я oпуckaюcь,

нe жaлeя ни o чeм

Bc, it's a

 Ko'нe вc

Moй финaл, мoй финaл, финaл, финaл, финал

Bcё ближe c kaждым днём

Я зaпутaн, гдe пpaвдa и лoжь?

Чтo пoceeшь, тo в итoгe и пoжнeшь! Я oдин, я cтoё у вpaт

C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя, нaзывaeмoй aд C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя, нaзывaeмoй  aд C oбpaтнoй cтopoны paя,

Haзываемой, называемой ад